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‘Major Anxiety’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

The Middle: Major Anxiety

603. Major Anxiety

Aired October 8, 2014

Brick surprises his parents by announcing he would like to make friends. Axl panics when he finds out he needs to pick a college major by the end of the week. Meanwhile, Sue starts drinking coffee to power through all the activities she's signed up for as a high school senior.

Quote from Axl

Sue: Axl. What are you doing up here?
Axl: Sometimes I come up here to think... And occasionally throw things.
Sue: Wait a second. Do you ever throw...
Axl: Acorns at your head? Yes. All the time. [groans] What am I doing with my life? It was so much easier when I wanted to be a fireman or a superhero. God! I wish I was still 17.

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Quote from Brick

Brick: Mom, Dad, I've decided I'd like to be popular.
Frankie: Okay.
Mike: Not sure that's really couch-worthy.
Brick: I've noticed lately that all of the other boys seem to get picked up together. I don't know where they're going, but they laugh and slap each other on the back and treat each other with a lot of camaraderie and bonhomie.
Mike: Well... Bonhomie does not grow on trees.
Brick: It looks very enjoyable. And I'm thinking I might want to participate in that kind of thing. I know I'm not very good at the social stuff, so I would appreciate any tips you could offer.
Frankie: Okay. I know you love your books, but maybe you should put them down once in a while and talk to people... You know, like at lunch or parties or at that class we send you to to teach you how to... talk to people.
Brick: The thing is, I've always enjoyed reading by myself at lunch, but lately, when I do it, it feels... Lonely.
Frankie: Aw, Brick. I'm sorry. But here's the thing... it's never too late. You know, maybe if you tried just a little small talk with... [Brick walks off] Brick. [Mike unmutes the TV] Mike!
Mike: He left. I thought we were done.

Quote from Axl

Frankie: Axl, I said you couldn't wash your clothes here anymore.
Axl: But you didn't say I couldn't dry them. Uh, please sign here. You've just been Ax'd! Oh, by the way, good news... I picked my major. Sue, dork roll, please. [imitates drum roll, cymbal crash] Buddhist studies! Booyah! Or should I say "Buddha-yah."
Mike: Really? You're a Buddhist now?
Axl: No, I'm not a Buddhist. I'm studying them. It's Buddhist studies.
Frankie: What did you do? Look at an alphabetical list of majors and stop at "B"?
Axl: What? It's perfect for me. There's no class on Fridays, doesn't meet before 11:00, half the time, we meet under a tree... 'cause I guess Buddha was into that. And Buddhism is about rebirth, so I'll learn how my coolness will live on forever. In your face, death!

Quote from Sue

Brick: Sue? Are you in here?
Sue: Brick! [talks rapidly] I was just organizing everything under my bed, and I found all this old stuff... beanie babies, sticker albums, glittery pinecones. It's a real mess down there. Everything is covered with dust bunnies. Even the dust bunnies have dust bunnies. Ha! Get it? [gasps] Did you need something?
Brick: I just wondered if you can talk...
Sue: Talk? [gasps] We should have coffee.
Brick: Why?
Sue: Because that's what people do when they talk. They have coffee. I love coffee. I mean, I already had coffee, but what's a conversation without coffee? Of course, you're too young for coffee. You can have cocoa. So I'll just go get us some coffee and cocoa, 'cause I can have coffee and you can't.
Brick: Uh, n-no, thank you.
Sue: Oh. But then we can hold our mugs of coffee and sip our coffee. You can have cocoa, and we can sit here by the window... Or on the bed... Or on the chair. This is my favorite chair! Oh, my God! My fifth-grade yearbook!

Quote from Axl

Axl: [sighs] But I just got all B's, and now this? When does it end?!
Hutch: Wait. Why'd you come to college?
Axl: Because I was done with high school. That's where you go. So now I've got till the end of the week to decide what I'm doing with the rest of my life? Well, I suppose there's some magic book with all the majors in it that tells me what I'm supposed to be.
Hutch: There is. You've been using it for a plate.

Quote from Sue

Sue: You will not believe my day. I just don't know how I'm gonna get it all done. Sergeant-at-arms, s-p-la, the committee to pick the homecoming committee. There's just no rest when you're a senior.
Mike: Since when do you drink coffee?
Sue: [scoffs] Dad! Everybody drinks coffee when they're a senior. But I'm not just doing it because everybody else is. I really love the taste. Mmm! Is this sumatra dark roast?
Frankie: It's Frugal Hoosier white label, grown in Muncie.

Quote from Axl

Brick: Hey, Axl, you're popular.
Axl: I'm listening.
Brick: I was hoping you could give me tips on how to be popular, too.
Axl: Mm. Well, it's gonna be tough, 'cause you don't start off with the basic awesomeness I have.
Brick: I see where you're coming from.
Axl: But I have grown quite fond of you over the years, Brick, so I'm gonna give you some advice. Me... I'm way up here. Mom and Dad... they're down here. Sue... [whistles] Way down here. Now, these people... too cool. You don't have a prayer with them. You want to start from Sue-level on down... the bottom-feeders, the band kids, the A.V. club, maybe some girl who was kicked in the head by a donkey and talks slow.
Brick: There is a kid who just came to school with a neck brace.
Axl: Ooh! Mnh-mnh. That's temporary. It will come off, and he could be cool. Don't waste your time.
Brick: I feel inspired. Thank you, Axl.
Axl: Go get 'em, buddy.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: Axl, what kind of a job do you think you're gonna get as a Buddhist-studies major?
Axl: Enh. Cross that bridge when I get to it.
Mike: You can't cross what you're living under.
Frankie: You're not majoring in Buddhism.
Axl: Well, then, what am I supposed to do? You guys don't even have a business I can take over.
Frankie: [sighs] Look, Axl, we don't want to tell you what to do. This is about you. You can be anything you want to be. But just make sure you can make a decent salary. Oh, and don't pick something that's gonna get phased out, like video-store clerk or journalist.

Quote from Axl

Sue: I know exactly what you're going through, Axl. I am going through the same thing trying to pick a college. So many options... Purdue, I.U., East Indiana State.
Axl: Oh, no. She is not going to my school unless she changes her name and gets one of those John Travolta face transplants.

Quote from Brick

Mike: One more time... show me your ticket and cellphone.
Frankie: All right. When do you want us to get you?
Brick: Well, the dance goes till 11:00, but I might want to hang out with the friends I meet after, so let's say... 11:01.

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