Frankie: Look, really, the death napkin doesn't matter anymore. Axl's 19. If anything happens to us, he'll take care of all of you.
Axl: I'm gonna be doing things very differently. First thing... you're both getting jobs right away. Sue's gonna have to learn how to cook, and you guys are gonna have to start picking up around the house.
Mike: Brick, tell your brother he's an idiot.
Brick: I don't want to say that to him. If he's gonna be in charge of me, I got to stay on his good side.
Axl: You're my favorite, Brick. I might even let you sleep inside.

Frankie: Ooh, Brick, come here. I have a really big surprise for you.
Brick: What is it?
Frankie: Well, your dad and I talked it over... Not because you were bugging me... And we have decided that we are gonna stop and visit your girlfriend in North Carolina.
Brick: Wow, that's great! Thanks! Whoop! [whispers] Whoop. [normal voice] Whoop! [whispers] Whoop. [normal voice] Whoop! [whispers] Whoop. [normal voice] Whoop!
Mike: Yeah, we're never having grandkids.

Sue: Six days to Disney World! We are going to Disney world in six days, people! It is six days away! Can you believe it?!
Frankie: [sighs] Sue, really, you have to pace yourself.
Frankie: [v.o.] I know it sounds like I'm raining on Sue's parade, but you got to understand this started the day she won the trip.
[flashbacks:]
Sue: 27 days to Disney World!
Sue: 26 days to Disney- [gasps] [toilet flushes] Ooh, sorry, sorry.
Sue: 25 days to Disney World!
Frankie: Hey, she didn't say anything today.
Sue: [enters] 24 days 'till Disney World! Haa!
Frankie: [v.o.] You get the idea.

Mike: Well, that's a heavy sigh of excitement.
Frankie: Can you get the blue bag down for me?
Mike: Why don't I just save you some time? I'll fill it with food, and we'll throw it on the side of the road.
Frankie: I know, right? I mean, it's a free vacation. It's good.
Mike: Yeah. It's great.
Frankie: And I know it'll be fun once we get there. It's just that the getting there is such a thing.
Mike: Yeah, I feel like we're already here. We've got to... get there. 20 hours in the car with Axl?
Frankie: [groans] I can see the whole trip. I know what's coming. Okay, somewhere along the way, the blue bag will disappear, then you'll throw your back out, Sue will cry, Axl will snark, Brick will lose something, we'll lose Brick, and then we'll all start fighting. But it's good.
Mike: Yeah.

Brick: Hey, since we're traveling to Florida anyway, can we stop in North Carolina and see my girlfriend.
Mike: Wait, is this the girl you've been playing computer games with? 'Cause... she's not your girlfriend. She's not even a friend. In fact, she may not even be a girl.
Brick: Oh, she is very much my girlfriend. We're on level 7 of The Mists of Khartoum. Last week, I gave her a conjuring wand, and she gave me two cloaking potions, so... [clicks tongue] Yeah, it's pretty serious.
Frankie: Okay, so, you want us to drive hundreds of miles out of our way so you can visit a girl you've never seen or actually spoken to.
Brick: Right. So, what day should I tell her we'll be there?

Sue: What are you doing? Why are you sitting here?
Axl: Relax. I just want to talk. I'm, uh, kind of wondering what it's like to try something and fail, which is why I'm coming to you, the... biggest failure I know.
Sue: Aww. Wait. Did you try at something?
Axl: What? No. Shut up.
Sue: You did! [gasps] You tried at something. [gasps] Is it ventriloquism? Is it yoga? Is it trying to get a butterfly to land on your finger?!

Axl: Look, fine. I tried at school, okay?
Sue: Axl, that's amazing! Isn't it just so fun to try your hardest? So, what's the problem?
Axl: [sighs] The problem is I'm waiting for them to post the grades. You know, I've always been maybe a smart guy who didn't apply himself. But if I apply myself and fail, I might just be dumb.
Sue: So then you'll try again.
Axl: You know what, Sue? Your advice sucks. You failed at this conversation.
Sue: Well, I'm gonna keep trying!

Axl: Mom is moving out! I knew it! I knew she didn't have the stomach to go the distance.
Frankie: You're not gonna believe this. I'm packed. I'm totally packed. I even bought one of those mini travel toothpastes, which is already in my toiletry bag.
Axl: Old people brag about the weirdest things.

Frankie: No, you know, last night, your dad and I were talking, and we realized that every time we take a trip, the same thing happens, right, Mike?
Mike: Back, cry, forget, snark, fight.
Frankie: And nobody likes that. Do you like that?
Kids: No.
Frankie: No. No. Nobody does. And then it hit me. It doesn't have to be that way. We won a free trip to Disney World. We won new luggage. We're winners, and we have to start thinking like winners.
Mike: I'm all for it, but you're fighting history here.
Frankie: Well, if we start to feel crabby... Mike... Or start to get negative... Axl... We'll have a safe word that will remind us that we're winners and bring us back to our winning attitude.
Axl: How about "Sue's a freak"?
Frankie: That's a phrase, not a word.
Sue: Oh! How about "Orlando"?
Frankie: Orlando.
Sue: Orland-o-o-o.
Brick: Orlando. [whispers] Orlando. [normal voice] It works.

Frankie: [v.o.] The answer was still no. Unfortunately, Brick's mind was less scattered than mine, and he remained focused on just one thing.
[later, Brick talks to Frankie in the kitchen:]
Brick: I wouldn't ask if we weren't already going in that general direction. It's just that Tanya really understands me.
[later, Brick talks to Frankie on the couch:]
Brick: What if we eventually get married and have grandkids? And years later, you'll say, "Thank God we went to North Carolina. Otherwise, we wouldn't have these adorable grandkids."
[later, Brick sits on the toilet while the shower runs:]
Brick: I hear they have good jams in North Carolina. Plus, they're famous for their pecans, and they're the third largest producer of sweet potatoes. You love sweet potatoes.
Sue: Look, Brick, I do love sweet potatoes, but I'm not the one you got to convince.