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Vive La Hecks

‘Vive La Hecks’

Season 9, Episode 1 -  Aired October 3, 2017

After Axl returns from his trip around Europe with a man-bun and a new, relaxed European outlook on life, Mike wants to push him to get a job. Sue is determined to cram as many summer activities as she can into the next days before she returns to college. Meanwhile, Brick decides to break up with Cindy so he can enjoy his "big sophomore year", and Frankie searches for a family item she can put in the Orson time capsule so the Hecks will be remembered.

Quote from Sue

Frankie: Wait, your summer can begin? Honey, you're going back to school day after tomorrow.
Sue: Okay, here's the thing. You know I love summer, but I also had to work a lot 'cause we're really poor. So, I made a list of all the summery things I love to do, and I am gonna knock 'em out in the next two days. Want to hear?
Frankie: That's okay.
Sue: Hang out with friends, learn how to whistle, make my own bath salts, enjoy a good beach-read, fly a kite, binge-watch a show, get ice cream from an ice-cream truck, learn a summer sport, wear jewelry made of cereal and see if any of my friends notice, get a tan...
Frankie: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Sue, there's no way you're gonna get all that done.
Sue: [scoffs] I am getting it done. I had two cups of Axl's French coffee this morning. Not sure if I made it right. Do you know if it's supposed to be chewy?


Quote from Brick

Brick: Well, I still haven't broken up with Cindy. This type of personal transaction requires a level of social grace that frankly, I do not possess.
Axl: Just have a glass of wine. I find it really takes the edge off.
Brick: You got to help me, Mom. Axl's advice was morally bereft, and Dad's was spotty at best. Oh, and just a heads-up... I think he's still dating a couple women. So, Mom, if you were still young and vital, how would you like to hear, "I'm sick of you, your ears don't do it for me anymore, we're in a rut, it's dead, it's over, it's done"?
Cindy: [on cellphone] Hello? Brick? Is that you?
Brick: Oh, my God! I butt-dialed Cindy! What on earth is my phone doing in my pocket?! I'm a dead man!
Axl: Bet you want that wine now, huh?

Quote from Brick

Brick: If Cindy heard what I think she heard, a time capsule isn't the only thing you're gonna be burying in the earth.
Sue: Oh, cry me a river, Brick. Look at all this stuff I still have to do.
Brick: Have you been paying attention at all? Do you understand the enormity of my situation? If Cindy heard half the things that I said on that butt-dial, she's gonna be very angry, and trust me, you do not want to see her when she's angry. [door opens] Her eyes go black like a shark. [all gasp]
Cindy: Hello, Brick. You called me?
Brick: Oh, did I? Um, let's check my call history. Uh, let's see. I made two calls this month, one to Troy and one to... oh, yeah, you.
Cindy: I couldn't hear anything that you said. That's why I came over.
Brick: Wait. So you didn't hear me at all?
Cindy: No.
Brick: Oh, thank God. [chuckles] I'm breaking up with you. [Frankie gasps] We're in a rut. Your ears don't do it for me anymore. It's dead, it's over, it's done.

Quote from Frankie

Mike: Frankie, just pick something! Who cares?
Frankie: I care! I care. I am trying to create a legacy for our family. I-I want to know that all the things that we've done, all our pains and struggles and laughs and sorrows, everything that we shared, th-that it won't be overlooked, that people will remember the Hecks after we're gone, and that we will have left a mark on the world. And whatever that mark is, it has to fit into this freaking box! [collapses] Ah!
Axl: Mom!
Sue: Oh, my God!
Brick: Not in my sophomore year!
Mike: Come here.
Frankie: [v.o.] Don't worry. It's not what you think. I never had real cheese before, and my body didn't know how to process it. I guess in the end, it took a real-cheese fake-heart attack for us to realize Axl was right. We did need to slow down and enjoy life... be more like the Europeans. 'Cause really, who cares what happens in 100 years? There's no better legacy than knowing you've lived every moment getting the most out of the time with the people you love. And if Axl didn't mention getting a job in a week, we were gonna go American on his ass.

Quote from Brick

Frankie: Have you really thought this through, Brick? I mean, are you sure you want to...
Mike: Break up with the only girl that ever liked you?
Brick: I'm just not sure I want to be tied down going into my big sophomore year.
Frankie: Big sophomore year?
Brick: Everybody knows sophomore year is the most exciting year of your high-school career.
Mike: Pretty sure it isn't.
Brick: Oh, come on... all the movies, books about sophomore year? Everybody always saying, "I wish I was a sophomore again"? Bottom line, when I'm a boring senior, I don't want to look back and say I blew the most important year of my life.

Quote from Axl

Mike: So, it's 6:00 p.m. Ready to attack the day?
Frankie: Axl, now that you're home, I need your help. We were waiting for you to get back because this is all our decision, and I need everybody to weigh in on it.
Axl: Pronto. That means, "Go on..." I think.
Frankie: Well, they're doing a huge ceremony for the reopening of the Orson cow, and they're burying a time capsule. So every family needs to choose a special item to represent them for all of eternity, and it has to fit into this box. So we really have to give it some serious thought 'cause 100 years from now, future Orsonites are gonna dig it up and judge us.
Axl: [scoffs] 100 years is nothing. I saw ruins in Rome that were 10 million years old.
Mike: No, you didn't.
Axl: Really, Dad? Who was there... me or you?

Quote from Mike

Brick: Hey, Dad, I've been thinking.
Mike: I like your hair. Might not be the flashiest style, but it's consistent. Continue.
Brick: I really need help with this breakup thing.
Mike: You haven't talked to her yet? Just get it done.
Brick: I'm trying. I got some advice from Axl, but I realized what works for him might not work for me. But then it occurred to me you and I are very similar.
Mike: Okay.
Brick: So I was thinking you might be able to shed some light on this whole subject.
Mike: Look, Brick, I might not be the right guy to ask for breakup advice.
Brick: Why not?
Mike: Truth is, I never really broke up with a girl. I would just sort of grow distant and let them sort of... drift away. Come to think of it, there might be a couple women out there who still think they're going out with me.
Brick: So you've got no advice for me?
Mike: Lock in that hairstyle.

Quote from Brick

Frankie: I told you guys a million times... it has to fit into the official box, okay? Like... like this size, see? Snowglobe size. [snowglobe thuds] Anybody? Anyone at all?
Brick: Sorry, I'm out. They turned down "Heartland's Hidden Gem". I don't trust this town to do anything that makes sense.
Sue: Oh, my God, Brick, get over it!
Brick: You get over it!

Quote from Axl

Frankie: Welcome home!
Sue: Surprise!
Brick: I took your mattress!
Axl: Bon giorno, mi familia! Mi sei mancata!
Frankie: [gasps] He's speaking another language! Oh, my gosh! So, how was it? Don't leave out any details. We want to hear everything, but in English. That sounded racist. I'll shut up. Go.
Axl: It was awesome. [chuckles] Goin' to see Lexie. Ciao!
Brick: And... we're filming!

Quote from Brick

Frankie: [v.o.] So, after his catch-up with Lexie, we finally caught up with Axl at the time only time we could... 11:00 the next night, which was breakfast European time.
Axl: So, Kenny and I running to get the train, and he stops. Next thing I know, my train is pulling away, and I see Kenny on a train going in the total opposite direction. [all gasps]
Brick: So sorry. On the plane on the way over there, were they any manuals in the seat backs?
Frankie: Brick, we don't want to hear about manuals.

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