Frankie: Rita! What a surprise. Just so you know, it wasn't me who called in that noise complaint last week. Who doesn't love AC/DC at 2:00 a.m.?
Rita Glossner: I need you to drive me someplace.
Frankie: Oh. [coughs] I would love to, but I'm actually really sick.
Rita Glossner: You didn't sound sick a second ago.
Frankie: Okay, I'm not sick, but I have to get to work.
Rita Glossner: No, you don't. Just sleep with your boss. Then you can come and go as you please. I'm at work right now. So, let's go. Ticktock, princess. Come on. I don't got all day.
Frankie: Can't one of your boys take you?
Rita Glossner: They're all lazy. I thought they'd grow up and chip in, but no. I'm the only one out there stripping copper out of abandoned houses. I told them, cereal don't grow on trees.
Frankie: Look, my boss is a real jerk if I'm late, so...
Rita Glossner: You know, I'm still emotionally and somewhat physically scarred from when you attacked me last Halloween. Now, I didn't press charges, but I could. You know why I didn't? 'Cause I'm a good neighbor. I assume you'd want to "recip-i-cate" my good intentions. Or you can just give me the keys to your car.

Frankie: Okay, here we go. So, where to?
Rita Glossner: Just drive. I'll tell you which way to go. [Frankie picks up Rita's brown bag] Hey! Trust me. You want to be real careful with that.
Frankie: Oh. Uh, w-what... what's in there?
Rita Glossner: None of your damn business. Cheez-It?
Frankie: Oh. [grabs a handful]
Rita Glossner: I said one. [Frankie puts the rest back]

Rita Glossner: Beautiful day for a drive. Relaxing, ain't it?
Frankie: Uh-huh. You know, this seems like it's turning into a whole thing, and I really should get back for dinner and my life and to the people who know where I am.
Rita Glossner: There's nothing like the open road. I just feel so trapped in that fishbowl of a neighborhood, everybody always judging you. You know what neighbor I really don't like? That Nancy Donahue.
Frankie: Oh. I don't know. She's nice. What don't you like about her?
Rita Glossner: Well, she thinks she's all that, that her house is all that, that her kids are all that. Like them girls, and that boy at that fancy college, and that weird one who reads.
Frankie: Uh, that one's mine.
Rita Glossner: And she thinks she's better than everybody else 'cause her teenagers are potty-trained. That's what I like about me and you. We don't care about our yards.
Frankie: Well, I... I care a little. But... But... But I hear you. I mean, it's like, people who make you jam. They don't want you to have jam. They want to show you they made jam.
Rita Glossner: I know. It's like, what dark hole are you fillin' in your life that you need to foist jam on your neighbors? [both laugh]
Frankie: Exactly.

Mike: Did I say I'm embarrassed? I'm not embarrassed.
Brick: All right, I'm just saying, if you are, you shouldn't be. Trust me, you're in my wheelhouse now. The problem isn't you being embarrassed. The problem is you don't embarrass yourself enough. I embarrass myself all the time. Like today, I started eating a girl's hair. It was on her head and in my sandwich. But if you ask me what embarrassing thing happened yesterday, I couldn't even tell you. I don't remember. It just becomes part of the fabric of your life.
Mike: Well, that's not gonna happen 'cause I'm not gonna embarrass myself again. Now, pass me those rainbow sprinkles. It says if you add those to the batter, you get a more festive look. I think the guys will enjoy that.
Brick: Dad, if you're that worried about being embarrassed... You work in a quarry, right? Is there a cave or something you can go down to and have a good cry?
Mike: Brick, it's not that bad.
Brick: Well, if it's not bad enough you need to go cry in a cave, what are you worried about? [Mike shrugs]

Rita Glossner: Say hey to my grandbaby, Vernon James Glossner. He was born three days ago, and I just had to find a way to come and see him.
Rodney Glossner: Mrs. Heck, thanks for bringing Mom all the way down here.
Frankie: It's my pleasure. And look at you, Rodney, all grown up.
Rodney Glossner: Yeah, I know I caused a lot of trouble when I was a kid, but I got my life together now, with my fiancée and... and Little Vern. Even got a job waiting for me at the Lumber Liquidators, just as soon as I get this off.
Frankie: Oh. Well, congratulations.
Rita Glossner: Hey, Frankie, open up that bag there, and be gentle.
Frankie: Oh. "Baby's First Christmas" ornament.
Rita Glossner: It's got a little boy angel on it. Just like I got right here. I ordered it special to get it "person-ized". They don't make any with "Vernon" already on 'em.

Chuck: Boss man!
Jim: Mike! Mike, you okay?
Mike: I got it, I got it. I'm fine.
Wayne: [loudly] That was a big fall!
Jim: Oh, no, you're bleeding. You want me to get you some ointment for that?
Chuck: Dude, you really ate gravel. What did you trip on? I mean, physically.
Mike: Well, I didn't trip. It's... There's something wrong with the step, or... maybe it was a rock.
Jim: It just seemed like you forgot how to walk for a second. That happens to my mom sometimes. She's 78.
Wayne: [loudly] Do you have a concussion?! I got one when I dived into that dry pool!
Chuck: Yeah, somebody should really drive you home. I got room on my dirt bike.
Jim: No, I can take him. Then I can sew up those pants.
Mike: No one's getting near my pants. Just go back to work.
Wayne: [loudly] But it's the end of the day!
Mike: Then just go home.
Jim: [to Chuck and Wayne] It's hard to see your heroes fall.

Sue: Nope, Axl wasn't there, either. Sorry it took so long. Gamma Phi was having a Casino Night, and I was on fire at the craps table. I've always been a good dice roller.
Tyler: Okay. Next stop, there's a party at the Foreign Student Center... a "mutual understanding mixer." I think they're serving shawarma.
Sue: All right, let's do it. I don't know what shawarma is, but I'm ready to mutually understand it.
Tyler: So, why are you so desperate to find your brother?
Sue: Mm, it's awful. He and my mom are estranged. Actually, he's not really talking to any of the family.
Tyler: Yikes. What happened?
Sue: He's dating this girl nobody likes, and my mom blurted out that she doesn't like her, so he got mad and he didn't come home for Thanksgiving. And now Christmas is right around the corner, and I'm worried he won't come home for that, either.
Tyler: Oh, he's got to come home for Christmas. I mean, Santa goes through all that trouble to bring presents. Uhoh, got to stop. Tipsy Kappa Lambda at 10:00. Sorry.

Frankie: Hey, Brick. How does this sound? [raspy voice] I'm about to call in sick. You know, with this whole Axl thing, I just really need a mental-health day. [coughs] I want to make sure it sounds real. Would you tell me not to come in?
Brick: You're burying the cough. If you want it to land, you got to put it at the end.
Frankie: Nice. I like the way you think.

Jim: Mike, you're here. How's your foot?
Mike: How's your foot? Mine's great.
Dave: Am I missing something? What are you guys talking about?
Wayne: [loudly] Mike fell so bad!
Mike: I didn't fall. I just misstepped. It's not a big deal.
Dave: Wait. It happened here?
Mike: What is this? A place we sit around gossiping or a place where we blow stuff up? Get out there.
Dave: I'm the safety officer. If there's an accident that happens at the quarry, I got to report it. Got to follow the rules.
Chuck: Rules, man. Oh, now the government wants to control our falling. You fall all you want, boss man. 'Course, you'll never be able to top a fall like that again. That was pretty epic.
Jim: It was like he was swimming in the air. It seemed to go on forever. I kept thinking, "Shouldn't he be on the ground by now?"
Wayne: [loudly] And then he was!
Dave: Sorry, Mike, I got no choice. I got to report it.
Mike: Well, maybe I'll report you for standing around bugging me when you should be out there working.
Dave: I'm gonna have to report that attitude, too.
Mike: Get out of here.

Rita Glossner: 'Kay, turn right up ahead.
Frankie: But that takes us onto the highway.
Rita Glossner: No duh. That's how we get there.
Frankie: O-O-Okay, look, I'm sorry, but I thought I was just dropping you off at the store or the doctor's or the courthouse or something.
Rita Glossner: You're gonna miss it! [turns the wheel]