Frankie: The last time I went pants shopping with Brick is apparently the last time I'll ever go pants shopping with Brick, and I don't even remember the last time I went pants shopping with Brick.
Mike: I do. You said, "That's the last time I'm ever going pants shopping with Brick."
Frankie: It's all just going and going, Mike. The kids are growing up so fast and right out of our lives.
Mike: That's the plan.
Frankie: But there's no warning. It just happens. I mean, think of all the lasts I've missed. The last time I read Goodnight Moon to him. The last time he rode in a car seat. The last time I made pancakes in the shape of books he liked. I mean, it was a pain, but I'd do it tomorrow in a heartbeat. Well, not tomorrow 'cause I have something, but the next day, for sure.
Mike: Is this gonna be a whole thing? 'Cause, really, I just came in to go to the bathroom.
Frankie: Look at this note, Mike. Brick left this for me years ago, and I threw it in a box of old shoes. "Don't forget to kizz me good night." Yeah. He spelled "kiss" with two z's. That could have been the last time he asked for a "kizz" and a cuddle. And I bet I didn't do it. Probably had something better to do. If I knew it was the last time, I would have done it, but I didn't. [sobs]
Mike: This may be a bad time to ask, but how much were the pants?

Mike: So, you're probably not gonna want to answer the phone for a while.
Axl: I haven't answered the house phone in at least five years.

Frankie: [v.o.] On college campuses across the midwest, January means one thing... sorority rush. Parties, teas, and dressing to impress.
Sue: Oh! [laughs] Which one do you like better? The one with the missing strap or the one with the broken heel? I checked on kickinltcollegestyle.com in the "Brush up on Rush" section, and they said to be casual but memorable... Casuable.
Frankie: I don't know how it works these days, Sue. I haven't been in college for... [mumbles] years.
Sue: [chuckles] I just really feel like a sorority is finally gonna be my thing, you know? I mean, I've made friends with people in the dorm, but I just don't feel like I've really found my people. Or even my person, really.
Frankie: Well, just remember. If you get in, that's great, but if you don't get in, that's fine, too. Angelina Jolie was never in a sorority, and she married Brad Pitt. Not that marriage is the answer if don't get into a sorority. Or even if you do. Marriage is not the answer, is what I'm saying. It's never a solution. Oh, yeah. I like the one on the left.

Axl: Tie.
Mike: Why am I doing this again?
Axl: 'Cause next week when I go back to school, I'll start interviewing for internships, and I got to look like a man. So keep tying.
Frankie: That's great, Axl. What kind of internships are you going for?
Axl: Oh, I don't know. I'm in business, so they'll probably have me run some kind of company or something.
Mike: You're not gonna be running a company.
Axl: Yeah, not with this knot, I won't. You really phoned this one in, Dad.

Frankie: I'm not even working today. I could have taken you shopping.
Brick: No, it was great. I finally got to try on jeans in the men's dressing room. Plus, you always buy me the same ones. These are dark wash. [whispers] Dark wash!
Frankie: You never said you had a wash preference.

Axl: [sighs] All right. You can stay there if you don't talk, but I'm gonna need the couch.
Mike: What you need is pants.
Axl: Actually, I don't. I have a Skype interview for my internship in five minutes, and they're only gonna see me from the waist up. God, you really don't understand anything about technology, do you?
Mike: Hey, listen, I wanted to talk to you about that. I think I might need more of a... What do you call it, a-a social-media presence for my business than this.
Axl: Wow, that is pathetic. [laughs] And self-addressed stamped envelopes? Really, Dad? Where you mailing these? 1985?
Mike: Okay, okay. So, how do I go about applying for a-a-a-a Twitter thing? Who do I contact?
Axl: Give me your phone.
Mike: And what would the wait time be? I can make the call myself if you just tell me who sets it up.
Axl: There. You're on Twitter. Now, if you wouldn't mind removing yourself from the couch, I'm about to get myself a very high-powered job. [burps] [computer chimes] Hi. I'm Axl Heck. It's nice to meet you. I just want to say I'm very excited about the possibility of working with your company. [Axl shifts his dad away] I'm currently a junior at East Indiana State University.

Mike: If you're looking for business experience, I got some for you. You're coming with me to the baby product convention this weekend. Rusty bailed on me, so I need your help with the diaper boxes.
Axl: Ugh. How much does it pay?
Mike: A lumpy bed and your mom's cooking.

Mike: Where's the table?
Axl: Couldn't find it.
Mike: What... did you go to the car?
Axl: Yeah. I checked the trunk, but there was just a tabletop... no legs.
Mike: It's a folding table! Didn't you lift it up and see that the legs are underneath it? They're attached.
Axl: Well, you didn't say that.
Mike: I said, "Go get the folding table."
Axl: I didn't hear you.
Mike: Why do you think I would bring a table with no legs?
Axl: I don't know. I thought maybe it was a hovertable or something. I... Why are you so mad?
Mike: Because you're out there looking for jobs now, and rule number one about having a job is if someone asks you to do something, you do it. That's the kind of guy companies are looking for, not some bozo who doesn't know how to operate a table. Geez! I'm about to fire you, and you're my son.
Axl: Please do. I should've known we weren't cool enough for a hovertable.

Frankie: What is that? Is that what you're using for a backpack now? Seriously, you lost the pizza bag?
Brick: No. Troy and I were hanging out at the mall, and I got myself some new pants.
Frankie: You went pants shopping without me?
Brick: I thought you'd be happy. You hate taking me shopping.
Frankie: Where did you get that idea?
[flashback to Frankie banging on the dressing room door:]
Frankie: Come on, Brick! I've been standing out here for 45 minutes! Pick some damn pants!

[As Brick sleeps, Frankie climbs on his bed and hugs him]
Brick: Huh?
Frankie: Shh. It's okay.
Brick: Mom? What are you doing?
Frankie: I just want to "kizz" you good night and cuddle you till you fall asleep.
Brick: You're a little late for that.
Frankie: I know. I should have done it nine years ago.
Brick: I-I mean, I've been asleep for a half-hour.