Axl: You know, I'm kind of relieved this is all out in the open. I didn't like lying to you guys. Now I don't have to pretend to go to school. I can just hang out here and watch TV.
Frankie: Suspension is supposed to be a punishment, Axl.
Axl: Oh, it is. There's nothing good on.
Mike: All right, that's it. You're not laying around all week like you're on vacation. Starting tomorrow, you're gonna spend every day of your suspension with me at the quarry. And guess what. You're being put to work.
Axl: What? This is so not fair. When I turn 30, I am so out of here.

Sue: I have something to say. My name is Sue Heck and I'm on cross-country. I've never been on a team before, but I sure have tried out for a lot. I tried out for show choir, gymnastics, tennis, flags, volleyball, baton... [Frankie gestures to Sue] Oh, right. And tumbling. But then a team came along that let me in. Cross-country is no-cut. It's the only sport that takes everybody. Don't any of you remember how horrible junior high can be if you don't have something? The panic that hits you in the lunch room when no one will sit with you, even if you pretend to have an English accent to seem interesting. It's a den of wolves, you guys. Don't cut cross-country because cross-country would never cut you.
Chairman: All in favor of cutting cross-country, say aye.
All: Aye.
Chairman: Okay. It's unanimous. Cross-country is cut.
Sue: What?
Chairman: Though that was a heck of a speech. You should be on Debate Club. Although, did we cut that yesterday?

Mike: No, you are. You're an idiot. I tried to get creative here and I tried to teach you by example, hoping that you'd get it, but you're too stupid to get it right now.
Axl: I don't think you're supposed to call your kid an idiot.
Mike: Just an observation. Don't beat yourself up over it. It's not your fault. I was an idiot at your age, too. So until you're no longer an idiot, I will be making the decisions for you. And that means: not dropping out of school, you're going to college, and those mutton chops you talked about growing? Not happening.
Axl: Whoa. I feel like you're trying to make me doubt myself.
Mike: Yes, that's exactly what I'm trying to do. Let me make it simple. Any instinct you have right now, do the opposite. [Axl sighs] Trust me. Some day in the future, when you're done being an idiot, and you have an idiot of your own, you'll come back and thank me.
Axl: So I'm guessing you're not gonna let me go to Chuck's party.
Mike: See? You're getting smarter already.

Mike: Frankie, they're 0 and 12. If God does wanna cut cross-country it's because he's a benevolent god and he wants to put it out of its misery.
Frankie: But maybe I brought them to his attention.
Mike: Cross-country might not get cut. And then you'll see that God doesn't get involved in sports. Because if he did, the Colts would've won the Super Bowl last year.

Frankie: [v.o.] Teenagers here in the middle are just like teenagers around the world. They're stupid.
Mike: Hey, kid, mind taking a break on that thing? We're trying to eat here.
Axl: Whatever.
Frankie: [v.o.] They're so stupid, they'll even show up on a school day at the very place they know their dad goes to eat lunch.
Mike: Axl?
Axl: Oh, hey.
Mike: What're you doing here? You skipping school?
Axl: No, for your information, I am not skipping school, I am suspended.
Mike: For what?
Axl: Skipping school. [Mike sighs] See, this is why I didn't tell you. I knew you wouldn't be cool about it. God.

Brick: Mom, did you know there was this magic kit in the hall closet? Why didn't anybody tell me?
Frankie: Wow! The old magic kit. You found it.
Frankie: [v.o.] Damn, I thought I got rid of that stupid magic kit. It was annoying when Axl did it. It was annoying when Sue did it. I could only imagine with Brick.
Brick: You're always on me to make friends. And what better way than through the amazing world of illusion? [whispers] Amazing world of illusion.

Frankie: I prayed for cross-country to go away.
Mike: What?
Frankie: I prayed for it to go away. I just... Oh, I've just been so resentful of it. I have to do everything. I bring water, I bring snacks... I make endless signs for fans who never show. And why should they? It's boring. It's so boring.
[flashback to Frankie stood in the woods pointing the runners in the right direction, particularly Sue who trails behind and almost heads off in her own direction]
[flashback to Frankie trying to get a heavy travel cool box out of the car:]
Sue: Meet's canceled. Someone saw a bobcat on the trial.
[present:]
Frankie: I never meant it to happen. I was at church last Sunday praying for all the things you pray for: Haiti, Pakistan... And then cross-country just pops into my head. I tried to stop it, but it was too late. The message was already sent. And the next day, Sue comes in and says cross-country's gonna be cut. Oh, God. What kind of mother prays for something like that?

Frankie: Not now, Brick. I gotta finish cleaning all these smelly cross-country uniforms. Then I gotta go buy healthy snacks for the meet. Because apparently the half a box of doughnuts I stole from work shows a lack of effort.

Frankie: What did you do?
Axl: Okay, first of all, that cafeteria is unsanitary, so Troy and Fitz dared me and Darrin to sneak off school grounds for lunch. And Darrin's like, "It's on." I was like, "So on." Darrin's like, "Yeah." I'm like, "Hell yeah." So Darrin's all driving, and I'm all in the trunk. So we feast at Joe's Subs and everything's cool. Until we sneak back and I'm still in the trunk, and Darrin's sexting this girl he's never gonna get. He forgets I'm in there. Three hours later, the vice principal hears my screams. And now they wanna make an example of me because I wouldn't follow their totally unfair rules... so I'm suspended for five days.
Frankie: Suspended? This is not good. We do not get suspended. Wait .Why are we just now finding out about this?
Axl: Well, they sent home a note, but you're always talking about how busy you are. So I signed it for you. You're welcome.
Mike: You're gonna wanna remove yourself from my line of vision. Now.

Mike: Do you think Axl might just be an idiot?
Frankie: Mike.
Mike: No, I'm serious. Is he an idiot? Is our kid an idiot? I'm starting to seriously wonder if he's an idiot.
Frankie: You can't call your kid an idiot. Books say you're not supposed to.
Mike: Well, I know that. It's just... There's usually a lot of hours in the day when he's at school that we don't see him. But I was with him, Frankie. I watched him all day long. And I'm worried.
Frankie: Remember how smart he used to be? Then the hormones kicked in and it's like they fritzed out his brain.
Mike: Well, tomorrow, I'm gonna bust his ass and he's gonna learn some respect for hard work.