Sue: That's creepy. How can you be sure your head will ever get put back on your right body?
Axl: If I were you, I'd want my head to be put on somebody else's body. Hey. That's a good idea. If you go before me, I'm gonna freeze your head and put it on a dude's body.
Sue: Mom!
Mike: Nobody's putting anyone's head on anyone else's body.
Sue: No, he will. He'll do it, and you won't be here, and you won't be able to stop him.
Frankie: Axl, promise you won't freeze your sister's head and put it on somebody else's body.
Axl: I don't know that I can make that promise.
Sue: See? You won't be here. You won't be able to enforce it!
Frankie: Fine. We'll put it in our will.

Frankie: Hey, Aunt Edie. Just so you know, we have a couple of interviews lined up for you this week, okay?
Aunt Edie: Oh, I just hope I get the job.
Frankie: Forget it.

Frankie: Look, Aunt Ginny lived a long, full life, and she died in her sleep, and I think we can all take comfort in that.
Brick: How is that comforting? I sleep every night. I'd be more comforted if she died in a hang gliding accident.
Mike: No, in your sleep is what you're shooting for. You just close your eyes and never wake up. You never even know.
Brick: You never even know?

Axl: Well, I'm never ending up in a place like that. I'll tell you that right now.
Mike: If you figure out how to avoid it, let us know.
Axl: Already did. I'm gonna be frozen.
Frankie: You're gonna be frozen?
Sue: Ew, Axl.
Axl: Relax. Not my whole body. I'm just gonna freeze my head.
Mike: You're not freezing your head.
Axl: What? Think about it. I'm pretty awesome. If I go, the world's gonna want me back, so I'll just freeze my head and then when they come up with a cure for whatever I died of, they'll unfreeze me.

Axl: [scoffs] You guys have a will?
Mike: Of course we do. We scribbled on a napkin, "If we die, Frankie's sister gets the kids." That's our will.
Axl: We don't listen to you guys when you're alive. What makes you think we're gonna pay attention to your death napkin?
Sue: [sings] La la la la la la la I don't want to talk about this
Frankie: Did we seriously not make a will? I thought we bought that Johnnie Cochran make-your-own-will floppy disk.
Brick: Then I don't have to live with Lucy? Just promise me I don't have to live with Lucy.
Mike: Don't worry. The bank will take the house, if they wait that long... And the rest of our vast holdings will be divided equally among our heirs.

Axl: I call their dresser.
Sue: Why do you get the dresser? You don't need a dresser. You're a head, remember? You don't have clothes!
Axl: Neither do you. You're a head on a dude's body.
Sue: Mom, he's gonna do it! I told you. He's still gonna freeze my head.
Brick: Don't worry, Sue. I'll be here. I'll make sure.
Sue: Thank you.
Axl: Unless you die in your sleep.

Axl: Okay, here are my top picks of the bereavement food. Lemon bars are wicked good. Macaroni salad was a solid 6, but whoever brought the giant cookie... Ugh. It was nasty. Ugh.
Brick: Axl! That wasn't a cookie. That was my Indiana dough map project for school.
Mike: Damn it, Axl. You ate your brother's project?
Axl: Well, why did he put it on the counter with the bereavement food?
Brick: I didn't. I put it on the counter, and people put the bereavement food around it.
Axl: Pfft. Whatever. I think I did you a favor, anyway. It needed sugar.
Frankie: It didn't have sugar, Axl, 'cause it wasn't food.

Mike: Hey. What are you doing here? I thought you went over to Aunt Edie's.
Frankie: Please, Mike, can't you go today? I told her Aunt Ginny died six times this week, and I'm not proud of this, but the last time, just to shake it up, I told her it was a hang gliding accident.
Mike: Ugh. I just got home.
Frankie: Come on. It won't be that bad. It's like ripping a band-aid off and putting it back on again and ripping it off again and putting it back on.
Mike: She can't stay there alone, Frankie. We gotta figure somethin' out.
Frankie: I know. I know, so how does this sound? "Kind, responsible caregiver wanted to share lovely home with demented octogenarian who is old of body but young in spirit. Drinking and smoking a plus. Must be willing to diaper emphysemic dog and possibly others."
Mike: You're lucky the economy's in the toilet.

Frankie: Oh, I remember something else. She once met Patton.
Axl: She did? Wow. Cool. Very cool.
Mike: You have no idea who Patton is, do you?
Axl: Give me a hint.
Frankie: My God. That's pathetic. You're gonna graduate in a year, and you don't even know who Patton is?
Axl: Well, I could amaze you with some of the stuff I don't know.

Frankie: No, no. Nobody's stopping. People are gonna bring food over to the house anyway.
Brick: Why?
Frankie: Because when somebody dies, you're not supposed to cook.
Axl: Why not?
Frankie: 'Cause you're not supposed to cook when you're sad.
Brick: Are you sad all the time, Mom?
Frankie: Yes, but the point is, I'm especially sad today because Aunt Ginny died, and it's a sad day.
Axl: I thought we were happy because she died in her sleep.
Frankie: Yes, it's a happy, sad day, but we're grateful because she lived a long life and she's in a pretty place and she died in her sleep.
Brick: Can we please stop saying that?!