919. Bat Out of Heck
Aired April 10, 2018
Frankie is relieved when her boss, Dr. Goodwin (Jack McBrayer), offers to buy all the peanut brittle that Brick is selling for school, but his sunny disposition disappears when the product isn't delivered quickly. As Axl prepares to trade in the Winnebago and buy a car, he is getting tired of Mike always telling him how to run his life. Meanwhile, Sue is determined to win a hotel scholarship, and Frankie swears she's seeing something flying about the house.
Quote from Axl
Mike: What's your problem?
Axl: You're still treating me like a kid! I don't need you to tell me how to do things anymore. You're telling me all the time. You're making me nuts. And I know I'm the younger lion and I'm challenging you and we're supposed to "lock horns"...
Mike: Lions don't have horns.
Axl: You don't need to tell me that lions don't have horns!
Mike: Well, you just said...
Axl: I know lions don't have horns. I just want to drive my own car.
Mike: Look, I'm older than you. I know you think you know best, but there's still a lot more you have to learn, and it's my job to teach you. It's been my job your whole life!
Axl: Okay, so, is that how it's gonna be, like, forever? 'Cause you'll always be older than me, and Grandpa Big Mike will always be older than you, and there's a guy in Jasper who's like 103. He'll always be older than all of us. Maybe he should drive us home.
Quote from Axl
Mike: I don't like this idea. I don't get dropped places. I drive.
Frankie: Relax, Fred Flintstone. You can drive to your work, and after you get out, I'll drive to mine.
Axl: Why is he Fred Flintstone?
Frankie: Because he's acting like a caveman.
Brick: I thought it's 'cause he works in a quarry.
Axl: I thought she meant 'cause he powers his car with his feet.
Brick: If Fred Flintstone moves the car with his feet, why doesn't he just walk at that point?
Axl: 'Cause if he walks, he can't listen to the radio. They didn't have iPods back then.
Brick: They didn't have radios, either.
Axl: Obviously, you've never seen the show!
Quote from Mike
Mike: Listen... You make sure, when you go in there, you know what you're looking for. You need snow tires 'cause you drive in winter.
Axl: Yes, I know I drive in the winter.
Frankie: [v.o.] Unfortunately, whenever you have two grown men in the house, one has to assert his dominance over the other, and, in our case, it was always gonna be Mike.
[flashback to Axl in the kitchen cooking eggs:]
Mike: [sighs] You're gonna want to kill the heat on that or your eggs will be chewy.
[flashback to Mike reading the paper on the couch as Axl laughs at the TV:]
Mike: [grabs remote] Keep it at 26 for sports, 14 for regular TV.
[flashback to Mike walking on Axl about to brush his teeth:]
Mike: You don't squeeze. You roll. We're not made of toothpaste.
Mike: Now, listen to me, you don't want to set foot in a car dealership until you've done your research and you know your price. We should talk about this.
Axl: Uh, of course we should.
Quote from Brick
Axl: Look, Dad told me to write down chips, and I didn't, and if he finds out I forgot them, he'll never let me hear the end of it, and I really need to hear the end of it because he's been on me like crazy lately, and don't tell me you love Dad's advice!
Brick: Well, he doesn't talk to me.
Axl: Well, then, you're lucky, because he's all up in my business all the time.
Brick: Ah, I see what's going on here. It's nature. The younger male challenging the older male, the older male swiping back. It's two rams locking horns on a mountain, two lions in a pride fighting for dominance. Usually, the younger lion will kill the older lion, and then that lion would have the female lions in the house to mate with.
Axl: Ew! Nature is messed up.
Quote from Sue
Frankie: Sue, did you hear that?
Sue: What? The sound of my dreams crashing down to earth? The sound of the voices in my head telling me I'm a failure?
Frankie: No, it was more of a squeaky sound.
Sue: Mom, this application is due tonight, and I am a wreck. You know, I had a dream I didn't get it, but then I woke up, and I was so relieved, but then that turned out to be a dream, and I woke up again, but then that was a dream! I'm not sure I'm awake right now. [slaps face]
Frankie: Well, whether you get it or not, we're just so proud of you for trying.
Sue: But I don't want to just try! I want to win! But how can I? Is my last name "Hilton" or "Marriott" or "Comfort Inn"? No! I am just plain old Sue Heck. [gasps] You know, it's these stupid posters giving me false hope. Yeah! Who was I to think I could... [rips posters] reach for the stars or go out on a limb?!
Sue: People fall off limbs! Yeah! People die in space! Gah!
Quote from Sue
Sue: I am a finalist for the scholarship!
Frankie: [gasps] Oh, my God.
Mike: What scholarship?
Sue: They're interviewing the top 25 people, and I'm one of them. They think I have a "quality." Can you believe it? I have a "quality"! So, the CEO guy is going to be Skyping me tomorrow night our time because he's overseas. [gasps] Oh, I am Skyping someone overseas! Yeah. Things are happening for me! Oh, how could I ever doubt myself? How could I doubt my posters? You know, I will reach for the stars. I will hang in there, kitty. I will go out on a lim... [falls] Aah!
Sue: I'm okay.
Quote from Frankie
Sue: Well, one trend I've noticed is that, uh, millennials are always looking for a communal space to socialize.
Frankie: [quietly] Dr. Goodwin, can we go outside and talk about this? Sue's on a very important...
Dr. Goodwin: [loudly] I don't want to go outside! I just want my Genuine Georgia's Best Peanut Brittle!
Frankie: Why?! Dr. Goodwin, you are being insane. Do you not understand the way the world works? Your co-worker comes in and guilts you into buying some crap thing from their kid. You do it out of obligation, not because you want the crap thing! Nobody in the history of buying kids' school-fundraiser crap ever wanted the thing! And it's not made in Georgia! It's made by the Thronk Corporation in Toledo- [sees a bat] Ooooh!
Dr. Goodwin: Whoa!
Frankie: I knew it! I knew I saw something. [all scream]
Quote from Sue
Axl: Okay. I am so mad at Dad. He's always telling us what to do. Don't you hate that?
Sue: I love that. I love Dad's advice. He is so wise. Okay, if Dad is bugging you, then why don't you just talk to him?
Axl: 'Cause it's him. I don't want to run into the big, plaid, bossy wall.
Sue: Okay, I hardly ever get annoyed at Mom and Dad, but when I do, I just imagine that they're dead and then when I realize that they're not, I run up and hug them.
Axl: That's lame.
[Sue gets up and hugs Axl]
Quote from Dr. Goodwin
Frankie: I'm sorry, but we just don't have your peanut brittle yet.
Brick: What peanut brittle?
Dr. Goodwin: What do you mean, "What peanut brittle"? What does he mean, "What peanut brittle"?! What kind of grift are you two running?
Quote from Mike
Axl: Well, it's only going to be for another couple of days because I'm trading in the 'Bago for a car.
Frankie: Seriously? A real car? You're really going to say goodbye to the 'Bago?
Axl: Yep. End of an era.
Mike: I'll miss it. It went with the general poverty theme we got going.