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‘Not So Silent Night’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

The Middle: Not So Silent Night

710. Not So Silent Night

Aired December 9, 2015

Fed up of always being late for the church service and ending up in the overflow room, Frankie decides that this year the family will watch a Christmas Eve service on TV. Unfortunately, a computer malfunction means it's anything but a silent night for the Hecks.

Quote from Mike

Frankie: No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Mike?! They're gone! They're gone! Every picture we've taken for the last seven years is gone!
Mike: What are you talking about? You have backups, don't you?
Frankie: No, they were on the computer, and now they're gone! Listen, I keep hearing about a cloud. Do we have a cloud?
Mike: Just the black one over our heads.

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Quote from Frankie

Frankie: Oh, God, could I have thrown it away when we did that spring cleaning a couple years ago? That would be so typical of me! Other people have a system, and I don't have a system, and now it's gone!
Brick: Mom, it's not your fault.
Frankie: Yes, it is. This whole damn house is just a system failure. That computer has not been backed up for 67 weeks! I just kept hitting, "Remind me later." Everything here is "Remind me later." We live a "remind me later" life. Oh, my God, what is wrong with me?! I can't store pictures properly. I don't appreciate cat perfume from my children. I have got to do a better job!
Sue: It's okay, Mom! I found it! I found it! It was in the garage!
Frankie: Oh, thank God! [rummages through the box] Old People magazines? [wails] No! [cries] They're gone! [crying] Everything is gone! It's as if we never existed! Oh, sure, I kept two copies of the John Travolta Look Who's Talking edition but not our family memories!

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: You know, ever since this fell in the toilet, it's running slow. Seriously, it's 6:00?
Mike: I checked the kitchen clock.
Frankie: Oh, that's the dog clock. It's always set an hour ahead so I can give Doris her flea medicine. She stays on central time. Trust me, it makes sense.
Sue: Uh, no, that's not ahead anymore, remember? You had me change it back because it kept making us early.
Frankie: So, what time does the microwave say?
Sue: Same as always. That one only always says 2:00.
Brick: No, you got to know how to read it. Just 1, 2, and 3 are 2:00. The sixes and zeros work, and the second time it flashes 2:00, it's really 4:00.
Frankie: Will someone just tell me what time it is?! Is it dog time or microwave time or toilet time?
Mike: Let's just get out the phone book and call time.
Frankie: Nobody calls time, grandpa. Nobody's called time since time started.

Quote from Brick

Brick: Oh, no! My Winds of War book! I took a picture of every page and uploaded it to the computer, and now you're telling me it's gone?!
Frankie: Why would you do that?
Brick: Well, I hadn't read it yet, and you guys are always on me about late library fees. It took me four solid days.
Mike: How many times have I said to print them out, Frankie? Just print them out.
Frankie: Gee, that's really helpful right now, Mike. Thanks!
Brick: Actually, it would've been nice to have a printed version of all the pages I took pictures of.
Mike: That's called a book.

Quote from Mike

Mike: Look, you only need six pictures in life, anyway... Born, first day of school, first car, married, first kid... Funeral.
Sue: What about second kid?
Brick: Or third?
Mike: Babies look like babies.

Quote from Axl

Sue: Come on, Axl. The whole family's doing it. If you're not in the picture, everybody is gonna think you're dead!
Axl: Good!
Sue: Ah! Commercial! Okay, come on, Hecks! Let's do this!
Sue: [singsong] I'll do your laundry.
Axl: No tagging... Facebook, not Instagram. I get final photo approval, and as for the laundry, I prefer fabric softener on anything that touches my business.

Quote from Brick

Brick: Why is dad looking down here? I should be covering everything 5 feet and below!
Frankie: Really, Mike?! I need you to look on top of the hutch, over the fridge... high places, high!

Quote from Brick

Sue: Brick, you're in, right? I can count on your support for my photo?
Brick: I'm thinking about it.
Sue: [singsong] I will drive you to the library three times.
Brick: 70.
Sue: 70? How did you get from 3 to 70?
Brick: 70.
Sue: Fine... 4.
Brick: 71.
Sue: Come on!
Brick: 72. 73.
Sue: Okay, fine, fine, fine, fine! 68, and that is my final offer.
Brick: Sold.

Quote from Brick

Brick: Got to say, not sure why the gingerbread potato didn't fly. Nutmeg and chives are actually surprisingly good together.

Quote from Sue

Sue: So, listen, after we're done here, before we go to church, I want us all to take a picture in Mom and Dad's bed, wearing Santa hats.
Axl: Yeah, I'm not doing that.
Sue: Axl, you have to. I want to post it so that when everyone wakes up, they will see it on Christmas morning. It'll be iconic.
Mike: Who's everyone, and why do they need to see us when they wake up?
Sue: Dad, if you need me to explain it to you, you don't get it.
Mike: I don't get it, and I don't want it explained to me.

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