Sue: Uh, Mom, I don't remember there being a spinner in Monopoly.
Axl: Way to go, Mom. There's no dice.
Sue: And no properties. Only some "Sorry!" cards.
Frankie: That's okay. We can make this work. Look, look, look, we each get some money to start. Mm-hmm. Uh, except for Mike, who gets 2 Scrabble tiles, each worth $100.
Mike: Hmm.
Sue: I get the thimble!
Axl: I get the battleship.
Brick: Hey, the only thing left in here is a dirty sock.
Frankie: Okay, so Brick's the dirty sock, and your dad and I will just keep track of where we're going with our fingers. See? This is gonna work out great.

Sue: I'm first. Community chest! There's no cards.
Frankie: Okay, well, um... Pop this bubble, and if you get a 2 or a 6, you get another turn. Oh! 5. Too bad. Brick, you're up. [Brick doesn't respond] Brick. [buzzer sounds]
Brick: Oh, me? I thought you said "Rick." Three, four, five... This chunk of the board's missing.
Frankie: That's okay. You can either, uh, buy a hungry hippo to swim across the gap or trade in Professor Plum for a bonus spin.
Brick: How much for the hippo?
Mike: Frankie, this game makes no sense.
Frankie: I'm trying to make a special vacation here, Mike. Just spin.

Frankie: You've been a jerk to your sister this whole vacation, and you are her big brother! You're supposed to help her!
Axl: Why? Why do I always have to help her? Why do I always have to be the one to save the day?
Mike: What?! When did you ever save the day? Seriously, name one day you saved. No, not even a day. Name a morning you saved.

[flashback:]
Nicky: Could I trouble you for the day?
Mike: Uh, Saturday.
Nicky: Wow. I've been walking for two days. I guess it's time to admit I'm lost. By the way, you look really familiar. Have we met before?
Frankie: Oh, no. I'm pretty sure I would have remembered you. [chuckles]

Axl: She won't shut up about high school. She's driving me nuts! I mean, you have to agree, she's a huge dork!
Mike: What's on your feet?
Axl: They're my dope new kicks. Check 'em out.
Mike: Just tell me you took the cereal out first.
Axl: No, I'm a moron who tied full cereal boxes to his feet.
Frankie: Okay, Axl, no more hurting your sister, and, Sue, no more talking about high school. We came here to have family fun, and that's what we're gonna do!
Axl: So you're finally gonna let us go over to the winnebago and watch TV?
Frankie: No, we're playing a board game that I brought.
Axl: Ugh! Even in the woods, we're the poorest people!

Mike: Brick, what did I say to you out by the lake?
Brick: Well, first you said, "pretty great, huh? "For the love of God, you're reading again. I thought we left the book back at the campsite," and then I said-
Mike: I don't need the minutes. What was the point I was making?
Brick: If you don't know, how am I supposed to?
Axl: Kabam! I just sunk your yahtzee.
Mike: Brick, what did I tell you about not burying your head in a book?
Brick: I looked at the lake.
Mike: It's not just about looking at the lake one time, Brick. The lake is a symbol. It's about... Participating in life, being part of the family, noticing what's around you. There are amazing stars up there if you ever looked at 'em. I thought you got that.
Brick: Oh. Apparently not. [looks back at book]
Mike: All right, you know what? Fine. You wanna read? Go to your tent.
Brick: Okay.
Frankie: Yeah, great punishment, Mike. You're sending him to a more comfortable place to do what he's already been doing.

Axl: Sue, it's your turn. Here. I'll read the card for you. Do not pass go. Go right to Loser Gardens where you already own all the properties.
Sue: Hmm. The player to your left is a smelly footed stupid head.
Axl: Player to your right has no witty comebacks!
Sue: The player to your left has an ugly face!
Axl: The player to your right should already know what an ugly face is 'cause she looks at one every day in the mirror! Oh! I'd like to solve the murder. Sue got killed in the woods with the ax!
Sue: Ugh! Take this, you-
Frankie: Stop it, you two! You're ruining Battle Boggleopoly!

Frankie: [v.o.] So everyone went to bed mad. In the race for suckiest night of my life, tonight was officially neck and neck with my honeymoon.
Sue: Mom, guess what? I've matured.
Frankie: Yeah, Sue, you're going to high school. We get it.
Sue: No, I mean, I was just in the bathroom, and I found out... I've matured.
Frankie: Wait. You mean...
Sue: Yes! Can you believe it? I've been lying about having it for a year and a half, and it finally happened!
Frankie: Oh, wow!
Sue: I know.
Frankie: Okay, okay, okay. Um, do you need a...
Sue: No. I've been carrying them around in my purse for years. Isn't it exciting?
Frankie: Yeah, well, it's not always gonna be as fun as it seems tonight, but...
Sue: The funny thing is, when I thought about telling Carly on Monday, it hit me that we might not be in the same homeroom anymore, which usually would make me worry. But then I realized, all that stuff that scared me about high school was just sort of... gone.
Frankie: Oh, Sue! [they hug]
Sue: Yeah. Just don't tell Dad or Axl.
Frankie: Of course. It'll be just between us girls. I mean, us women.

Frankie: Oh, shh! We're gonna wake dad.
Sue: Doesn't sound like dad. [animal grunting]
Frankie: [v.o.] Then I remembered ignoring something Brick read to us in the car.
[flashback:]
Brick: "Bears are most active around dawn and dusk. They're often attracted to improperly packed food, but some studies suggest they may also be drawn to menstruating women."
[present:]
Frankie: Wake up! Wake up!
Mike: Frankie, what's going on?
Frankie: Sue's got her period, and there's a bear outside!
Sue: Mom!

[flashback:]
Mike: Do I know you?
Nicky: Mike. Mike Heck. It's me, Nicky Kohlbrenner. Class of '83. Manager of the basketball team.
Mike: Hey... wow. Nicky. Hey, pal. [to Frankie] Well, here, I'm gonna put you down now.
Nicky: Been forever. I mean, what are the odds? And who is this lovely lady?
Mike: This is Frankie, my wife.
Nicky: You're married. Good for you. Good for you. Mikey, what ever happened to that- That smoking hot chick you dated senior year? What was her name? Uh, Darcy... Stacy...
Mike: Tracy.
Nicky: Right! Tracy. Man, you were really in love with her. I thought for sure you two were gonna get married. Yeah, he was just gaga over her. Remember the time you snuck her onto the team bus? Oh, man! Get a room.
Mike: Yeah, well, Nicky, turns out this is the gal for me.