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A Very Donahue Vacation

‘A Very Donahue Vacation’

Season 7, Episode 18 -  Aired March 23, 2016

After Mike surprises the family with a vacation to Mammoth Cave, Kentucky, Frankie invites the Donahues to join them. After Nancy gets Frankie to talk to Sean about not taking his MCATs, Frankie is overheard bad-mouthing Nancy's parenting style. Meanwhile, Axl ropes Brick into helping him meet girls, and Sue gets a summer job away from the family.

Quote from Brick

Axl: Okay, Brick, I didn't want to do this, but if you don't help me, I might have to tell Cindy about your sudden penchant for older ladies.
Brick: She'd never believe you. Besides, after she kissed that other boy, she gave me what they call a "Hall pass," which, despite the name, does not give me free access to the library.


Quote from Nancy Donahue

Nancy: Frankie, it... it's okay. I'm not mad.
Frankie: Really?
Nancy: Look, people talk about each other. It's what we do. But the thing is, deep in your heart, I know you love me, and I love you, too. I mean, hello! You're like a sister to me.
Frankie: I am?
Nancy: Of course. And no matter what, I could never stay mad at my sister. Get over here. [hugs Frankie] Come on, let's go get a couple of those pineapple drinks.
Frankie: Let's do that, and I'm buying. Ooh, you know what else they had? Watermelon Daiquiris. Doesn't that sound good? I think I'm gonna try that one. [Frankie screams as Nancy knocks her into the pool]
Nancy: Oh, my... Oh, my goodness, Frankie! What happened?
Frankie: Did you push me?
Nancy: No. I think you slipped. See this spot right here? Very slippery. Oh, my goodness. Let's get you out of there.
Frankie: [v.o.] Did I really slip, or did Nancy push me? I kind of hope she pushed me. Because that would mean maybe, just maybe, there's a little sliver of Nancy that's down in the gutter with the rest of us.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: [v.o.] Spring break, when everyone flees the cold winter weather for the surf, the sand, or, in our case, the couch.
Sue: I think they're gonna love it.
Axl: No way. They're gonna list it. He was very clear he wanted a finished basement.
Frankie: Yeah, but after they did that mold remediation, there's no way they're gonna list it.
Brick: But she's not gonna love it without that mud room.
Frankie: I wonder what we would do if our house was ever on this show.
All: List it.

Quote from Mike

Mike: Okay, TV off. I have an announcement. [all groan] Relax. This is something good. It turns out Hoosier Baby placed a fairly big order with Li'I Rivals. So, since we have a little extra money, I thought we should all go on a trip. You know, someplace nice.
Sue: Oh, my God. We're going to Hawaii! [all cheer]
All: [sing] Aloha 'Oe, Aloha 'Oe
Mike: No, no. It's... It's... It's not Hawaii. It's Mammoth Cave, Kentucky! [all groan] No, come on, trust me, you're gonna love it. We used to go when I was a kid, and we always had a blast. They got these really great cave tours, and we'd stay at the Pine Cedar Lodge with an indoor pool, and then we'd drive up and spend a day at Old Fort Harrod.
Axl: Well, I guess if they have a fort. No! Spring break is supposed to be about hooking up with girls, not hanging around some stupid cave.
Frankie: Hey, if your dad says it's gonna be fun, it'll probably maybe be fun. And, hey, if the Donahues aren't busy, maybe they'll join us. I always told Nancy I would let her know if we ever decided to go anywhere.
Mike: Why do we got to bring the Donahues?
Frankie: Because if you're gonna drag me to caves and forts, I'm gonna need someone to talk to.
Mike: That's true. I'm not gonna talk to you.

Quote from Nancy Donahue

Frankie: Mmm. Nancy, these caramel corn balls are delicious.
Nancy: Glad you like 'em. I made one for everybody. Oh, those are Sean's favorite. At least, I think they are. I just don't know him anymore.
Frankie: Listen, it's just a phase.
Nancy: Yeah? But did your kids ever go through the phase of not wanting to take the MCATs?
Frankie: They were born in that phase.
Nancy: But it's not just that. Sean picked Notre Dame because he thought it would be his best shot to get into a good med school. But if he doesn't take his MCATs in April, he's not gonna get into any med school. I don't know what to do, Frankie.
Frankie: Well...
Nancy: I held him in contempt at family court, and he just stopped showing up.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: Well, I hear you. My kids don't want to listen to me, either. Ooh, but if somebody else tells 'em something, they're all ears.
Nancy: [chuckles] Yeah, I know. It... It's almost like they're waiting for someone else to say it and then they'll hear it. [gasps] Wait a minute.
Frankie: I'm sorry. [puts caramel corn ball back in the Ziploc bag]
Nancy: We should talk to each other's kids.
Frankie: What? What do you mean?
Nancy: Well, maybe you could talk to Sean. Y-You know, find out where his head's at, see if you can reach his brain under all of that hair of his.
Frankie: Well, yeah, sure. I could... I could talk to him.
Nancy: Great. And I can talk to Brick for you about his thing.
Frankie: Oh, the whispering and whooping? We've decided to just live with that.
Nancy: No, the other thing. That's got to have you worried.
Frankie: Well, yeah, that would be great if you talk to him about... that. Yeah, we definitely don't approve of... that. [takes caramel corn ball out and eats again]

Quote from Sean Donahue

Sean: Sorry, Axl. I'm just not into the whole deception thing. I'm gonna go do some hot yoga and meditate. They say when you sweat, a lot of real truths come out.
Axl: Wow, I just want to punch you so bad.
Sean: I understand, man.

Quote from Nancy Donahue

Nancy: Frankie, drinking before noon?
Frankie: Mmm. It's got pineapple, so it's basically breakfast.
Nancy: [chuckles] Well, I talked to Brick for you.
Frankie: Oh, we're actually doing that?
Nancy: Yeah. Turns out poor Brick is just worried about high school. That's how it manifested itself.
Frankie: Ah. So, is he still doing... it?
Nancy: He is making a serious effort to stop. I think you'll notice the difference.
Nancy: So, have you talked to Sean yet?
Frankie: Oh. Well, you know how it is with Sean. I mean, you have to pick just the right moment. But I will get right on that.
Nancy: Thanks. You're such an amazing friend to me. I remember the day that you moved in. When I saw your stuff coming off that moving van, I thought, "Ugh." But then you just wormed your way into my heart, you little heartworm.

Quote from Frankie

Sean: But my... my parents don't seem to get that. They still want me to be this thing I decided to be when I was 6, whether I still want that or not. That's what's so great about you, Mrs. Heck. You're just, you know, chill.
Frankie: Yeah? I guess I never thought about it. But the truth is, I am pretty chill.
Sean: You listen to your kids, let 'em find their own path. Like, Axl's never been that great at school. You're still proud of him anyway. That's awesome.
Frankie: Well, the thing is, Mike and I... Really, me mostly... Decided a long time ago we weren't gonna micromanage our kids. It might look like we're being lazy, but it's a choice. For instance, I have no idea where my kids are right now. Brick could be lost in the woods. But it's up to him to find his own way home.
Sean: See, that's such a great idea.
Frankie: It is, isn't? Makes them more self-sufficient. See, I don't see the need to go to every school event, or make my kids' lunches, or remember their birthdays. In our house, if you want something, you speak up. You don't just get dinner.
Sean: Man, I wish my mom thought more like you.
Frankie: Oh, well, listen. Parenting's tough. Just 'cause some of us have it down better than others, you can't judge. But your mom loves you and she knows how much you wanted to be a doctor once, so, you know, why close the door on that? Who knows? You might decide you want to be one later, and then you'll regret not having taken the MCATs.
Sean: Yeah, that totally makes sense. This was such a great talk. You're so cool, Mrs. Heck.
Frankie: I am.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: I think that's why Sean responds so well to me... 'cause I'm relaxed and Nancy kind of smothers him. Yeah, she's a smotherer. I mean, I'm just very "chill"... Sean's word, not mine. Are you even listening to me?
Mike: Sorry, I was right next to the cannon, and I can't really hear you. You should've seen this thing, Frankie.
Frankie: Mike, I'm not done telling you how I'm a better parent than Nancy. See, I've always said that she's very relentless, and Sean feels choked 'cause she's a choker. See, some people have an innate sense of what a kid needs, and others have this agenda. I mean, I'm not saying I'm right and she's wrong, but whose kid's a hippie and whose kid has an internship at Little Betty? Yeah, sure, Nancy's garage is organized, but she's destroying her children. [Frankie notices Shelly Donahue stood behind her]

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