Season 9, Episode 13 - Aired January 16, 2018
As Frankie searches for something new to be passionate about in her third act, Revered TimTom offers her the opportunity to sing and travel with him. Fed up of the bickering between Sue and Brick over the hole in their bedroom walls, Mike forces the pair of them to fix it themselves. Meanwhile, Lexie tries to make Axl think he's on a lucky streak after he refuses to let her pay for expensive things.
Quote from Brick
Sue: Okay, so, what do we do? Dad didn't give us enough drywall to fix a hole this big. He's gonna freak out.
Brick: I'm not gonna lie. It's gonna be really rough for you.
Sue: Me? You're the one who did this.
Brick: Well, you're the older sister who left her little brother to do major home repair on his own. Besides, if Dad flips out, I can just play the quirk card. I shrug, I look confused, throw in a few whoops and whispers, lick something if I have to... I'm off scot-free.
Sue: Oh, my God. You're diabolical.
Brick: I am not diabolical. [whispers] Diabolical. [normal voice] It's so easy. [whispers] It's so easy. [normal voice] Okay, that one wasn't planned.
Quote from Sue
Sue: Ugh! Come on, think, Sue, think! [sighs] [gasps] Wait! Ah. Oh. Oh!
Brick: "Sue Heck for Historian". "Sue Heck for Library Representative". "Sue Heck for Cafeteria Liaison"?
Sue: Yeah, I tried to create an office for myself, and I still lost to a write-in. Some guy named Joe Schmo.
Brick: How's this gonna help us?
Sue: We use the poster board to fix the wall. If we patch and paint it right, no one will ever know.
Brick: "Sue Heck for East Indy Student Council"?
Sue: Oh, that one's for next week. I really think I'm gonna get it.
Quote from Mike
Mike: Swedish death cleaning?
Frankie: Yeah. Apparently, in Sweden, when you hit 50, you're supposed to start decluttering your life so you don't burden your loved ones with a bunch of stuff when you die.
Mike: I can't go back to the grocery begging for boxes again. Even they know you're never gonna clean.
Frankie: No, of course not. I'm saying, as I was watching it, it hit me... I'm that age. I'm the age where the Swedes want me to prepare for death.
Mike: Come on, Frankie. Last week it was the Greeks and eating more olive oil. [Frankie sighs] Why can't we just live like Americans and die with a garage full of crap?
Quote from Brick
Mike: Okay, well, whatever you're hiding in there, just make sure you clean up afterwards.
Sue: We will. But remember, quality takes time.
Brick: Measure twice, cut once.
Sue: A good carpenter never blames her tools.
Brick: Here's to good friends. Tonight is kinda special.
Quote from Reverend TimTom
Reverend TimTom: Hey, you know, uh, before you do that, would you all mind giving a listen to my new song? I'd love to get some feedback on it.
Reverend TimTom: [plays guitar and sings] Moms are people, too She had hopes and dreams before she had you Like maybe The Virgin Mary wanted to play soccer Or travel the world on a whim But when Jesus came along, it all became about him And all the angels sang, "Moms are people, too" And how often do we say thank you? She could've been a shepherd or a fisherman Or maybe starred in a Broadway show But her family came first and she let it all go To drive you to school through the rain, sleet, and snow And use her own sleeve to wipe your runny nose
Quote from Lexie
Axl: Look, hopefully someday my balance will eventually reach a non-embarrassing level, but I will never be a big baller like your dad, with four different vacation houses.
Lexie: He just bought a ranch, but it's tiny. It doesn't even have a motor court.
Quote from Brick
Brick: Stop listening to my phone calls! What Cindy and I discuss is private!
Sue: Well, if you don't want me to listen, don't talk so close to the wall hole!
Brick: Oh, yeah? Well, do you have to pray so loud at night?
Sue: W... It was for the dwindling rhino population! [Mike enters with drywall] Oh, thank God. You're finally gonna fix the wall.
Brick: Would you mind fixing my side first? I'm working on a rousing speech to stem the inexplicable mass exodus from font club.
Quote from Mike
Mike: I'm sick of you two fighting. You're either patching the hole or patching your mouths. I don't care which.
Sue: But I came home to relax for the weekend. You know, college students today are suffering record levels of anxiety due to the rise in parents' unrealistic expectations for success.
Mike: Let me put your mind at ease. We don't care.
Brick: But this kind of repair is way out of my league. I was only recently cleared to use scissors.
Mike: Hey, you two put the hole in the wall, you two are the ones that are gonna fix it.
Brick: [sighs] You know, we're still in the system with Child Protective Services. I make one phone call...
Mike: [o.s.] Get it done.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: No, you're missing the point. I can't be at the stage where I'm supposed to start shutting everything down. I haven't even started living! My life is halfway over and I don't have anything to show for it.
Mike: Half? [Frankie sighs] Look, haven't we already had this conversation? Didn't we go through this when you decided to quit selling cars and become a dental assistant?
Frankie: No, that was a job. This is about my life having meaning... About it being more than just what I do for work.
Mike: Well, you didn't really go to work today, so...
Frankie: No, I'm telling you, Mike, vegging out on the couch all day was a real wake-up call. It is time for me to start my third act.
Mike: Okay, just so I know, how many acts do you think are in this thing?
Quote from Axl
Lexie: Oh, my God. You are not gonna believe this. Some of my equestrian friends from Carmel are going skiing in Sun Valley for the long weekend. They wanna know if we're in on the condo. We also have to send them a few of our favorite après dinner drinks.
Axl: I don't know what that means.
Lexie: It means "after."
Axl: Ah. Well, then I can afford to go skiing après I win the lottery.
Lexie: What? Come on. We have to go. It's my birthday!
Axl: It was your birthday a week ago.
Lexie: Yeah, that was one night, but at my house, we usually declare it Lexie Brooks month and we celebrate for 30 days.
Axl: Ah. Well, at my house, we usually forget it's someone's birthday, then make a quick run to The Frugal Hoosier, where we end up with a cake that says, "Happy First Birthday, Joey." That actually happened once.