Brick: Dad, you don't get it. I give Mom information, she gives me candy. I give it to the bullies at school, they leave me alone. There's a whole fragile ecosystem you're messing with.
Mike: Look...
Brick: [holds up a finger] [whispers] Ecosystem.

Frankie: [on the phone] Mike, are you listening? You want to be in the front of the classroom... Because that's where they put out the sign-up sheets. Got it?
Mike: Yes. [Mike walks out into the hallway so he can hear Frankie better]
Frankie: Repeat it.
Mike: Front of the classroom. I'm not deaf.
Frankie: Now listen. The second Ms. Tibbits stops talking, you need to make your move. Take those long legs and run. And don't be polite. Remember that Colts game where you cut in front of that kid and made him cry so Peyton Manning would sign your football? Channel that guy. And as soon as you get to the sign-up sheets, you look for the words "purchase" or "bring" on it. That means we can shop and dump. Paper products are best. And stay away from anything that says "beautify." That's just a fancy word for cleaning. And should anyone ask you, you have no special skills, nor do you own or know how to use tools. Are you getting this?
Mike: I think so.
Frankie: Are you in the front of the class?
Mike: Uh, no. The teacher started talking, so I stepped in the hall to hear you better.
Frankie: The hall? Are you nuts? She could stop talking at any time. You get back in there. Go, go, go, go, go, go!

Mike: Okay. I got a bunch of questions.
Frankie: They're candy cigarettes.
Mike: Yeah. I connected those dots when he ate one. What are they for?
Frankie: Information. He told me about Axl and Sue.
Mike: Wait, what?
Frankie: Yeah, you know, the desk chair and the earrings? How do you think I find out about stuff around here?
Mike: So wait a minute... Brick is a snitch?
Frankie: I prefer the term "whistle-blower."

Frankie: Mr. Ehlert, by any chance, did you promise customers they could take a ride in an Indy car?
Mr. Ehlert: You bet I did.
Frankie: Do we have an Indy car?
Mr. Ehlert: No, we do not. Just tell 'em it's out on a run and they're next in line.
Frankie: Mr. Ehlert, you're better than that. Now you need to get on that radio right now and tell people we don't have an Indy car.
Bob: We're back, sir.
Mr. Ehlert: [into microphone] Uh, folks, I need to clear something up. Uh, we do not have an Indy car. We got two Indy cars and a hot air balloon! So come on down, bring the kids, and take a magical tour over Orson.

Frankie: [v.o.] Since the dawn of time, kids have been trying to get away with stuff, and ours is no exception.
[Axl is strapped to a desk chair that is being pulled along by a car on the road]
Axl: Whoo! Oh! Best... day... ever!
[later, at dinner:]
Brick: Long story short, I still hate dodgeball.
Frankie: What about you, Axl? How was your day?
Axl: Whatevs.
Mike: In two years, we're gonna be releasing you into society, so here's a little tip: "Whatevs" is not the answer to any question.
Axl: Fine. School. Homework. Whatevs.
Frankie: Mm, speaking of homework, the next time you want to take our desk chair out on the open road, you might want to register it at the DMV first.

Mike: You did what? I just bought that chair.
Frankie: You could have killed yourself, Axl.
Mike: Yeah, that, too.
Axl: It was perfectly safe. I was strapped in with bungee cords and the belt from Darrin's dad's robe. How'd you find out about this, anyway?
Frankie: How many times do I have to tell you? Moms know everything.
Mike: Try another stooge move like this again, and you can forget about going to the lake with Sean and Darrin.
Axl: No! You can't take the lake away from me. I've been working on my abs all winter.
Mike: I'm not taking it away from you yet. If you want to go to the lake, don't do any more stupid stuff. It's in your control.
Axl: How is that in my control?

Frankie: [v.o.] And it's not only the ones who you expect that screw up. Sometimes it's the good ones, too.
[Sue puts Frankie's earrings back in her jewelry box and sneaks out of her parents' bedroom]
Frankie: [v.o.] So the next night, we found ourselves in the same place with a different kid.
Brick: I just don't understand why I need to learn this skill. Outside of gym class, when will I ever need to dodge a ball?
Frankie: You just gotta get through it, Brick. Look, when I was in fourth grade, I got beaned on the side of the head, and to make it worse, I was wearing my mom's earrings. I probably had it coming since I borrowed 'em without asking.
Sue: Okay! I'm sorry I took your earrings. I know you know, so please stop torturing me.
Frankie: Of course I know. You have to do more than refluff the carpet to get one by me.
Mike: When are you gonna realize she's got eyes in the back of her head? [puts his hand behind Frankie's head] How many fingers?
Frankie: Three.

Sue: I'm sorry, Mom. I just wanted to try them out. Brad and I are doing our Team Sober Non-texting-and-driving performance at the mall, and I'm playing a high-powered businesswoman who thinks the rules don't apply to her.
Mike: Well, around here, the rules do apply to you, and if you don't follow 'em, there's gonna be consequences.
Axl: Yeah. I say we make her take a run through slap alley. I call butt and face.
Sue: You're right. Sorry I took the earrings. I'm going to my room without dinner.
Axl: And I'll go to my room with dinner.
Frankie: Sit down. Now everybody drink their milk. It expires today.
Frankie: [v.o.] Yep. It's nice to be able to scare people. Sure beats being scared.

Mr. Ehlert: All right, listen up, space-wasters. In case you're not clear on this, this is not a parking lot. You can actually sell those cars out there. And don't whine to me about the economy. My wife's paint-huffing brother just got a job, so it's back. Now I want to hear some ideas. Pete? Nothing. Bob. Nothing. Fish-Face. Nothing!
Pete: Sir, that- That was a customer.
Frankie: You know, the Indy 500 is coming up. What if we had a radio station broadcast live from the lot and tied it in with the race? [Pete socffs]
Mr. Ehlert: Hmm. Interesting. Pete, you want to repeat that in a man's voice so I can see if I like it?
Bob: I can do it, sir.
Mr. Ehlert: I said, "a man's voice." You know what? Forget it. I love the idea. The Indy 500. We go live on the radio and promise to sell 500 cars in 5 days, and if it doesn't work, it's your fault.
Frankie: But-
Mr. Ehlert: "But" nothing! Now somebody go sell Fish-Face a car.

Frankie: It's the meeting where they do all the sign-ups... For the end-of-the-year volunteering, and every year, I get screwed with a crappy job, but not this year. This year, I'm getting paper goods if it kills me. Shop and dump, baby. Shop and dump.
Brick: Hey, Mom? I'm gonna turn in for the night, so you want to settle up?
Frankie: Oh. Okay. All right. [hands Brick three candy cigarettes]
Brick: Oh. That's the stuff. See you in the morning.