Sue: [to a bird] Hey, no, no, no! Shh! Shh! Get out of here! Hey! Shoo! Woof, woof! Woof, woof! What are crows scared of?
Brad: [gasps] Scarecrows!
Sue: Ooh. Right, right, right.
Brad: [clears throat] [sings] I could wile away the hours, conferring with the flowers Consulting with the rain [drumming] And my head, I'd be scratching While my thoughts were busy hatching If I only had a brain

Mike: All right. Get your stuff out. Let's do this. Let's have some fun. [Brick opens his bag] What are those?
Brick: Oh, books about tennis. I've got the Arthur Ashe biography, So You Want to Play Tennis, and The Grapes of Wrath in case these are boring.
Mike: W-where's your racket?
Brick: I'm sorry. What do you mean?
Mike: Uh, I said, "we're gonna go out and hit."
Brick: Yeah, hit the books. I don't do anything without reading about it first.
Mike: I... can't believe you didn't bring a racket. I know I saw you put a can of balls in there.
Brick: Oh, no. This is Pringles, in case we get hungry from reading and need a snack.

Mike: Let me ask you something, Brick. Is this kid Tobolski a good athlete?
Brick: Oh, yeah. When we run the mile, he's definitely in front of the pack. I usually just run a few feet and then disappear in the bushes, where I've hidden a book. Smart, huh?
Mike: Mm-hmm, and what did your teacher say about you wearing each others' shorts?
Brick: Well, he doesn't really know us, so he just shouts out whatever name's on our shorts.
Mike: Aha. So he calls you...?
Brick: Tobolski.
Mike: And he calls Tobolski...?
Brick: Heck, I guess. Again, I'm not always around to see it 'cause I'm frequently faking a leg cramp to get a banana from the nurse's office.
Mike: [clicks tongue] Brick, don't you get it?
Brick: Oh. So you're saying...
Mike: That's right. You didn't win that medal. Your shorts did.
Brick: Wow. So I did that whole jumping jack for nothing? [Mike nods] Hmm.

Frankie: Oh, good. You're back. Listen, I'm out. I'm out! You two are gonna stop putting me in the middle of your crap. All I wanted was for you two to get along. What's so wrong about that? And you're gonna need to get along, 'cause let me tell you something. The world is an open sewer, and the only ones that are gonna fish you out are your family. Ugh, look at your faces. You don't care. Fine. Fine. Why am I even talking? Love each other, don't love each other. It's your life. I'm out. I'm out! [storms off]

Mike: So, I talked to the P.E. teacher. And apparently, it's legit. He says he likes what he's been seeing lately and he felt Brick earned athlete of the month.
Frankie: [chuckles] That's great. Odd, but great.
Mike: Right? But, you know, come to think of it, I've noticed him getting stronger lately. The other day, he popped the top off a pudding cup like it was nothin'.
Frankie: It's still Brick, Mike. Don't get too excited.
Mike: I know. I know. But think about it. It's possible the genes are just kicking in late. I mean, I didn't hit 6 feet till halfway through high school. So who knows, Frankie? He might just be my kid after all.

Sue: Do other people say "relentless"? Did Dad say it? Has a teacher ever said it? Did you read it in a progress report somewhere?
Frankie: No, no, no. It's my own great, really positive word just for you.
Sue: Axl didn't say it like it's a positive thing.
Frankie: Well, you kids and your slang. "Bad," "phat"... now "sick" is a good thing. [chuckling] I was late to that one.
Sue: Well, clearly you said "relentless" and that's a person who can't let go of things, and I let things go. "Let it Go" from Frozen is my favorite song, and how could it be my favorite song if I didn't let things go? That wouldn't make any sense. [scoffs] This isn't over!

Sue: Where are we going again?
Frankie: Nowhere.
Axl: That doesn't make sense. You can't go nowhere. You got to go somewhere.
Mike: I told you, Axl. We're out for a Sunday drive.
Axl: I'm sorry. I'm not getting this. Are you guys getting this?
Frankie: It's a drive. There's nothing to get.
Brick: Well, are we gonna stop for lunch?
Mike: No, then we'd be going to lunch. And this is not going to lunch. It's a drive.
Sue: But what is the point?
Mike: The point is to go for a drive. You breathe the air, you look at the scenery. We used to do it all the time when we were kids.
Axl: Oh, my God. Is this a mom idea?
Brick: Definitely smells like a mom idea. She's always looking to make memories on the cheap.
Frankie: Actually, it was your dad's idea, so feel free to direct any complaints to him.

Frankie: Hey, how about we kick things up with a car game. 20 Questions.
Axl: Oh, I'll start. Why are we doing this? Why are we doing this? Why are we doing this? Why are we...
Sue: So, we're really not going anywhere? We seriously have no destination? [Frankie sighs]
Mike: Nope. This is it. We're driving. The drive is what's fun.
Brick: But this isn't fun.
Axl: See, this is what happens when people get to a certain age. They just scroll through their past looking for something to prove their whole life wasn't a waste. It's a death drive.
Brick: Oh, and because their bodies have betrayed them, they need something easy so they don't have to walk up stairs and stuff.
Frankie: We're not 100!

Sue: [gasps] Oh! And I didn't even tell you the best part. Brad and I are gonna go out to the big polyurethane cow and sit on top of it wearing sombreros! Ha! Shh! Don't tell anybody.
Brick: Why are you wearing sombreros?
Sue: Because it's funny.
Brick: Yeah, I'm not sure about that.
Sue: Uh, I'm pretty sure it is. You guys think it's funny, right?
Mike: I don't think anything is funny.
Sue: Okay. We're wearing sombreros because it's señor cow. Señor? Because we're seniors? Get it?

Axl: Save your energy, Sue. It's never gonna be as good as mine. Just drew a big picture of the buttronauts and said, "see you on the backside."
Brick: I hate myself, but that is funny.