716. The Man Hunt
Aired February 24, 2016
Brick starts to wonder when he will become a man after attending a Bar Mitzvah. Now that Logan is becoming a priest, Sue hits the dating scene at college and tries to work on her flirting. Meanwhile, Axl and Hutch finally find a place to live in the form of a Winnebago.
Quote from Axl
Axl: Brilliant, isn't it? While you suckers are stuck here throwing money away on this pit, we are taking a mobile house party wherever we go.
Frankie: Where did you even get this thing?
Axl: Where does anyone get anything awesome? Police auction. You can't even tell this was once a mobile crack den.
Hutch: It started at $600 then got up to $800 before we realized we were the only ones bidding. Which, by the way, is only two months' rent, so who's laughing now?
Mike: The crackheads who get to live in prison instead of this thing.
Axl: [scoffs] Okay. Anyway, once we get settled in on campus, we'll have you guys over. Or we'll come over here. Either way.
Hutch: Yeah, we can have you over at our house at your house.
Quote from Axl
Axl: Wi-Fi locked. Wi-Fi locked. Oh! There we go! "Grandma's Wi-Fi"... Oh. [Hutch laughs] ...which means, if my calculations are correct, the password will be "password." [snaps fingers] I'm in. Yes! Drop anchor!
Hutch: Yeah. Phew! Free Wi-Fi and a perfect view.
Axl: Hey, look, we're right by the Psych building. I'm only gonna be 10 minutes late to class tomorrow instead of 20.
Hutch: Oh, hell, yes. [Axl laughs] Hey, do you want to order Chinese or something? Share a first meal in our new home?
Axl: Oh, I'm on it. Oh, hang on a sec. Let me just lean my head out the window and find out what our address is.
Hutch: Oh! [grabs Axl's leg so he doesn't fall out] Oh.
Quote from Mike
Mike: Listen, Brick, I'm sorry about what happened the other day. I shouldn't have blown up at you. That wasn't your fault. That was mine. When you kept asking if you could ride in the truck, I should have stuck to my guns when I said no. So that's on me.
Brick: No, it was my fault. I shouldn't have touched anything without asking you first. Hey, wait. I feel like that was kind of man-like... taking responsibility for my actions.
Mike: That's a good start. You know, you keep asking what it means to be a man, and the truth is there's not just one way. Every morning, you get up, there's a thousand chances to do the right thing, be a good man. Hopefully, you get most of them right. You're not gonna get all of them right. You're just trying to stay above .500.
Brick: I just have one question.
Brick: Ah, right. Got it.
Mike: Oh, hey. [brakes squeak] I know that, uh, having some sort of a demarcation was important to you, so I got you something.
Brick: [chuckles] Wow. [Brick takes a blue flannel shirt out of a bag] This is awesome! [Mike chuckles] Thanks, Dad. I've often felt the siren song of plaid, but I always thought it was your thing. I'll try to live up to it.
Mike: All right.
Quote from Brick
Brick: Thanks for agreeing to talk to me.
Mike: Well, you stood outside my bathroom door for 20 minutes. I couldn't wait you out any longer.
Brick: I'm trying to wrap my mind around this man thing. Without a demarcation, how will I know when I'm there? In Josh's culture, it's age 13. In Planet Nowhere, the Silligans reach manhood at 1,006 when their ears fall off. I'm finding this whole Protestant ambiguity very unnerving.
Mike: Look, Brick, when you're a man, you'll know. There's no exact date. You just, you know... feel it.
Brick: So when did you know?
Mike: [inhales deeply] Well, I guess when I was 16 and my mom died. Makes you grow up fast.
Brick: Is there another way? 'Cause I'd really rather not have to kill off Mom.
Mike: [chuckles] You know, Brick, there is something. In some cultures, a boy becomes a man when he learns how to take out the trash by himself and replace the bag.
Quote from Sue
Sue: I suck at flirting.
Mike: You're not at college to flirt. You're there to learn.
Frankie: [sighs] Don't you have to go shut down some dancing in Footloose town? Honey, don't be so hard on yourself. I'm sure you're fine at flirting.
Sue: No, Mom, I'm really not. Last night, I tried to talk to a guy, and I almost died. [Frankie scoffs] Not metaphorically. Literally. He had to Heimlich me. I heard it's on YouTube.
Quote from Brick
Frankie: [v.o.] Cultures around the world celebrate coming-of-age in different ways. Out here in the middle, we don't do much... unless we have a Jewish friend.
Brick: Jewish people know how to party. It was catered by Stuckey's, and Josh got to read from this giant scroll, and the font was insane. I want all my books in scroll from now on. Plus, they're letting me keep the hat. I'm gonna wear it to church next week.
Frankie: Wow. Sounds like a hell of a Bar Mitzvah.
Brick: Oh, it was. But here's what I don't get... Josh Goldstein is several inches shorter and a whole year younger than me, and he's a man now? But I'm not? I don't get it.
Frankie: That's just how it is in Josh's culture. It's what they do.
Brick: Well, do we have something like that in our culture?
Mike: We're Protestants. We just try to obey the commandments and keep our heads down.
Brick: Really? You sure there isn't some ceremony we were supposed to do but you didn't feel like doing it, so you just floated it to some unknown date and then pretended you forgot?
Frankie: If there was something, we certainly would have done that, but honestly, there's not.
Quote from Lexie
Lexie: Well, you seem to be handling it really well.
Sue: Yeah. You know what? I am. I mean, sure, I liked having Logan as my imaginary boyfriend, but I think he stopped me from really putting myself out there. I mean, I'm in college. I am supposed to be having fun and meeting all different kinds of people. And I haven't really been doing that. I haven't really let people know that I'm available.
Lexie: Totally. In high school, I dated the same guy all four years, and I missed out on a ton of stuff. His dad owned an island, and every time my friends wanted to go out, I was like, "I can't. I have to go to the island."
Quote from Axl
Hutch: Oh, man! We got a ticket!
Axl: Oh, it's a cool. Just a flier for Courthouse Pizza. We've been sentenced to 8 to 10 delicious slices.
Hutch: Oh, this day just keeps getting better and better!
[After Axl and Hutch walk in and find Kenny playing a video game, they step out of the RV]
Axl: Why is Kenny here? Did you invite him to be our roommate again?
Hutch: Yeah, I invited Kenny to live with us. I thought, "Hey, you know what this tiny living space needs? A giant third person."
Axl: Well, maybe he just came by to say hi. What? He talked that one time. It could happen again.
Quote from Axl
Hutch: We know he can talk now.
Axl: Yeah, now he's just being a jerk.
Hutch: Well, he can't stay with us.
Axl: I know. Guess you're just gonna have to go tell him.
Hutch: Me? I'm not gonna tell him. You tell him.
Axl: I can't tell him. I was his roommate for three years. It's gonna break his heart.
Hutch: Well, I can't do it. Kenny loves me. Do you ever notice he only eats my cereal and doesn't even touch yours?
Axl: Mm, fine. We'll both tell him. We'll tell him it's nothing personal, but with such a small space, there's just no way we can make it work.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: Aw, well, listen, I think you're just perfect. Although, if you want some advice, I mean, I could give you a few tweaks.
Sue: Mom, I need tweaks. Tweak away.
Frankie: Oh! Well, I mean, I can't think of any one... Oh, your walk.
Sue: What's wrong with my walk?
Frankie: Nothing! It's great! It's just like it's a cross between a 5-year-old and Tigger. Let me show you. So, you go something like this... ...which is great, but when you're trying to be attractive to a guy, you might want to just slow it down. Okay? You just want to glide across the floor gracefully, you know? Work your hips, move your arms.
Mike: When have you ever walked like that?
Frankie: [scoffs] Oh, I got moves. I got tons of moves. I'm just not gonna waste them on you.