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‘Adult Swim’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

The Middle: Adult Swim

820. Adult Swim

Aired April 18, 2017

After Axl flops at a job seekers' convention, Frankie treats him to a new suit to build up his confidence. Mike threatens to take away the aboveground pool if Sue and Brick don't start using it over the summer.

Quote from Axl

Frankie: [v.o.] Sue was gonna do a little cleaning up of her own, and at the top of her list... get rid of her brother.
Sue: [TV shuts off] Axl, that's my robe.
Axl: [groans] Fine.
Sue: Ew! No, don't take it off! Ugh! What are you doing here?
Axl: I'm waiting for Lexie to get back from psychology class, and then we might go out or something. Oh, that reminds me... got to pick up a new lady razor, 'cause, you know, between my beard and your wire-brush leg hairs, it is trashed.
Sue: Look, I believe I was very cool about you dating my best friend, but I didn't know it'd mean that you'd be here all the time even when she is not here.
Axl: Um, our dad is not paying the rent. Lexie's dad is. So whatever Lexie wants, Lexie gets. And Lexie wants all this, and Lexie's dad wants me to have your chips.
Sue: I can't take it anymore! I am sick of you!
Axl: Oh, my God. Sue, back in the old days, they used to live with their siblings and their grandparents and multiple generations. You should embrace this. And truth is, as the eldest son, I could have married you off to some old geezer for a couple of goats, and this place would be mine. You should be thanking me for letting you stay.
Sue: What's your point?
Axl: Give me your Netflix password.
Sue: Oh! That's it! [groans] No more! I'm out of here. [scoffs] And put that drink on a coaster!

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Quote from Sue

Sue: [scoffs] Don't you get it, Brick? This is about more than the pool. They are trying to turn this into an adult house.
Brick: What do you mean?
Sue: I mean, we're getting older, and Mom and Dad are smelling the barn on parenting and looking to phase us out. Our yearbooks, inspirational posters, Planet Nowhere books... you think they're gonna keep all that? No.
Brick: They wouldn't do that.
Sue: Wouldn't they? The other day, I heard Mom complain about the chipped bowls. She wanted to get all new ones, and then Dad said, and I quote, "Wait till the kids are gone."
Brick: I love our chipped bowls.
Sue: Well, you can kiss 'em goodbye. Don't actually kiss them. You'll cut your lips. But this is how it starts... You leave to go to college, and you come back, and poof... all the jigsaw puzzles are gone.
Brick: But it isn't Christmas without saying that we're gonna do the jigsaw puzzle and then not doing it.
Sue: It happens, Brick. Remember Grandma's doll room? That used to be Aunt Janet's room. [Brick gasps] That's right. Before you know it, your room becomes Dad's TV room, and my room becomes Mom's TV room, and then we're all married with kids, but do we have rooms to cram our families into? No! We have to stay at the Ramada Inn because our rooms are filled with recliner chairs and hand weights. This isn't about nostalgia anymore, Brick. This is about our very survival. They can't wait to get rid of us.
Brick: Well, they've never been big fans. Look, Sue, you're overreacting. Maybe you need to cool off. Perhaps a dip in the pool would do the trick.

Quote from Brick

Brick: Since you're both here, I believe you've noticed we now own a microfiche machine. Now, there is a sign-in clipboard to reserve times. I just ask that everyone respects the schedule in order that we all get a chance to enjoy it. And please, no food or drink near the machine.

Quote from Axl

Frankie: Oh, before you take the suit off, maybe you should check the pocket... make sure your wallet fits.
Axl: Oh, I don't carry a wallet.
Frankie: [v.o.] Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't ruin the moment. He's a grown-up. He can do what he wants.
Frankie: Really, Axl? Are you kidding me? You don't carry a wallet? That is so dumb! Where are you putting your money?
Frankie: [v.o.] I said it.
Axl: I put it in my sock. If I'm not wearing socks, I put it in my shoe, and if I'm wearing flip-flops, roll it up, tuck it behind my ear, where my illustrious hair holds it in place.

Quote from Sue

Sue: Axl?
Axl: Seriously, I need your Netflix password.
Sue: How did you get here so fast?
Axl: I don't drive like a grandma.
Sue: That's not my fault. Aunt Edie's car doesn't turn left anymore.

Quote from Axl

Sue: The only reason we're both here is because Axl decided to follow me home to torture me.
Axl: Uh, actually, not about you. Got a speed-interviewing event at the Orson Cozy Suites and Conference Center.
Brick: I've heard of speed reading, but not speed interviewing.
Axl: It's where I'll chat with a bunch of employers for, like, two minutes each, and then they'll all fight over who gets to hire me.

Quote from Axl

Frankie: Ooh. You clean up nice! Are you nervous? 'Cause you shouldn't be nervous.
Axl: Nah, I got this. I have two interesting facts about myself, a pertinent question for each company, and, if there's time, a pithy comment on the world at large. "Crazy times, huh?"
Frankie: Uh-huh. Do you need to practice? Okay, I'm gonna pretend to be an employer. Hi. I'm... Mom from Mom Co. Nice to meet you. Tell me a little about yourself.
Axl: I'm not really interested in working for Mom Co. Been with the company over 20 years. It's time to move on.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: See, that's not a good attitude, and employers pick up on that. I'm just saying you have a tendency to close up your body and cross your arms. Listen, I read an article about a pit boss in Las Vegas who said you can learn everything about a person just by reading their body language, and right now you are exhibiting off-putting body language.
Axl: Well, that's what I'm going for, because I am put off.
Frankie: What you want to do is just put your shoulders back and keep your head up. That signals confidence.
Axl: Mom.
Frankie: And keep the hair out of your eyes. Just soften your face.
Axl: Mom!
Frankie: Okay, okay. You're gonna do great. Go get 'em.

Quote from Axl

Mike: Hey! That's my good funeral jacket.
Frankie: What's going on? How did it go?
Axl: It sucked! That stupid jacket ruined my confidence, and that's the one thing I have... totally unearned confidence. And no wonder it's your funeral jacket. I died in it, like, 30 times.
Frankie: Oh, I'm sure it wasn't that bad.
Axl: Blood was dripping down my hand!
Frankie: Oh, yeah, that's bad.
Mike: [sighs] Sounds like you could use a swim.
Axl: A swim?! My God! I'm about to graduate, and I got no job! This is not supposed to happen to me. I'm Axl Heck. I'm a winner. [panting] Or, at least, I was.

Quote from Brick

Brick: Hey, Woolworth's is looking for a Christian soda jerk. You think he'd like that?

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