Brad: I just don't fit in at all.
Sue: Brad. You don't always love school right away. But you got to hang in there! I actually have a ton of posters that speak to exactly what you're talking to, but they're all in storage. The point is, the same thing happened to me when I first got to Gumford.
Brad: But I don't like New York. Everything costs a zillion dollars. People are rude and pushy. I saw a guy once poop on the street. He didn't even try and hide it. He just looked at me like it was normal. I'm telling you, Sue, New York is nothing like On The Town. I mean, the Bronx is up and the Battery's down, but that's it.
Sue: Wow. So what are you gonna do?
Brad: I don't know. I guess I'll just listen to my dad and become a cop or a construction worker. I've already got the outfits.

Brick: [sings jingle] You're gonna love our pizza

Frankie: [v.o.] The amazing thing about best friends is that they just seem to know when you need them. They show up at the perfect time, and then, just like that, they're gone.
Sue: Oh! Brad. What are you doing here? I was just being wistful about you.
Brad: This just in... I decided to stay one more day.
Sue: Really? Are you sure? I mean... I mean, it's great that you can stay, but you've already been here three days. Don't you need to go to class?
Brad: Nothing's more important than my bestie. Plus tonight, I was thinking we could have fondue party.
Sue: But I don't even own a fondue pot.
Brad: That's okay. I've got one in my car.
Sue: Wait, Brad. You were only gonna be here for the weekend. Why do you have a fondue pot in your car?
Brad: Uh, I think a better question is, "Why wouldn't I have a fondue pot in my car?" And an even better question is, "Why am I such a failure?" Sue, I dropped out of NYU! This whole weekend's been a big lie! Except for the part about me always traveling with a fondue pot.

Frankie: Hey, would you grab me a napkin and help me fill out these insurance forms?
Mike: Sure! By "grab you a napkin", you mean get myself a beer, and by "fill out insurance forms," you mean go watch TV.

Brad: NYU is awesome, and New York is amazing. You can get a hot pretzel literally any time of the day.
Sue: No.
Brad: Pick a time of the day, Sue.
Sue: 2:00 a.m.
Brad: You can get a pretzel.
Sue: Shut up!
Brad: And New Yorkers don't say pop, they say soda. And they don't say purse, they say pocketbook!
Sue: So I can buy a soda with money from my pocketbook?
Brad: You'd fit right in.
Sue: Ahh! Have you seen any celebrities?
Brad: I'm pretty sure I saw Greg Kinnear at a Starbucks. But I briefly blacked out. When I came to, he was gone.

Brad: Oh, shut up, Brad. Here I am going on and on about myself and I haven't even asked how you're doing.
Sue: Actually, Brad, not so good. I'm living in a bin and my family's falling apart.
Brad: What? Wait, Judge Joe Brown falling apart or Dr. Phil falling apart?
Sue: Axl's got this girlfriend nobody likes and it all blew up and he didn't come home for Thanksgiving and my mom is devastated, and I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be talking to Axl or not talking to Axl. It's all just very stressful. There is so much drama.
Brad: Sue, look at me.
Sue: I am looking at you.
Brad: I am here for you. And I'm gonna help you forget all your troubles. With everything you've been through, you deserve to have some fun. They say New York is the city that never sleeps, but tonight, that's gonna be Gumford.
Sue: Really? Most stuff closes at 10:00, but the 24-hour mini-mart closes at 11:00.

Brick: Things are going well with Cindy. Sue and Axl are back at college. Mom complains about work. She and Axl aren't speaking to each other. Oh, and I recently found To Kill a Mockingbird in a hardcover.
Dr. Fulton: You know, I'm gonna back you up just a little, sport. Uh, that thing you just said about your mom and... and your brother... that sounds like kind of a big thing.
Brick: No, not really. Sometimes I hear her crying through the walls.
Dr. Fulton: You know, I think what's happening is that this situation at home is manifesting itself in this repetitive phrase.
Brick: [sings jingle] You're gonna love our pizza [talks] What repetitive phrase?

Frankie: [v.o.] Out here in the middle, nothing gets us more excited than the grand opening of a new store.
Frankie: Well, they did it. They outcheaped the Frugal Hoosier.
Mike: Yesterday's Bounty?
Frankie: I'm telling you, Mike. This is our new place. They've got everything... backed-over bread, preopened pasta.
Mike: Hmm.
Frankie: Generic Chinese cereal. Ooh! Look at this. I got all this for 3 bucks. It's misshapen fruit. Looks like a tumor, but it's fruit. Their word, not mine.

Mike: I'm surprised to see you in such a good mood.
Frankie: What, 'cause of Axl not coming to Thanksgiving?
Mike: Yeah, well, that and the not talking to us or answering our calls for days. Yeah, I guess that.
Frankie: Look, it sucks. It definitely sucks. But I've just decided I am gonna stay positive. I mean, he can't ignore us forever. Eventually, he's gonna need food and clean underwear. He'll come home. We'll make up. Everything will be fine. So, in the meantime, I say we just stay calm and enjoy a bowl of Tiananmen Squares. [chokes] Oh! It's dishwashing detergent. [crunch] No. Cereal.

Brad: [grabs Sue] Give me your purse 'cause it's fabulous!
Lexie: Hey! No! [knees Brad in the groin] We don't know him! We don't know him!
Sue: Yes, we do! Yes, we do! Lexie, stop! This is my friend, Brad. This is Brad! Oh, Brad, Lexie. Lexie, Brad.
Brad: How's it going?
Lexie: Oh, my God. I'm so sorry! I've heard so much about you.
Brad: Same. M-Minus the karate skills.
Sue: Brad, this is crazy. What are you doing here?
Brad: Well, ever since I downloaded Lin-Manuel Miranda as my new navigation voice, I've been dying to take a road trip, and who better to visit than you?
Sue: Oh, I can't believe you're really here! [gasps] Are you gonna stay the whole weekend? You have to. I want to show you the whole campus.
Brad: Love to. Maybe we could start with the ice machine.