Brick: The Silligans come from a drier planet and are a rock-type people, whereas the Vernegos' habitat is a lusher, forest area...
Sue: Brick, enough! You have been droning on and on since we left. I am trying to concentrate. Aunt Edie's car is 3 feet wider than any car I've ever driven.
Brick: Sorry. Well, do you wanna listen to a book on tape?
Sue: Please. [tape rattling]
Brick: [on tape] But Soran would have to navigate the Asteroid belts of Norox without a working Pernovian laser. [whispers] Pernovian laser.
Sue: Is that you?
Brick: Uh-huh! I recorded the entire series on tape. I play them when my eyes are too tired from reading.
Brick: [on tape] As professor Faxon's prophecy foretold, Soran's quest...

Male Voice: [on film] [action music plays] Coming, Summer 2016. Based on the best-selling series that swept the nation... [music stops]
Man: [on film] Silligans.
Male Voice: [on film] David S. Rosenthal's... Planet Nowhere.
Brick: They're doing a movie about Planet Nowhere!
Male Voice: [on film] Hugh Jackman as Professor Faxon. Ray Liotta is Gackos the Batossian. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is Soran. And introducing Montana Steinberg as Princess Kalakare. [lasers blasting]
Kalakare: [on film] The Vernegos will prevail.
Brick: Princess Kalakare's 132 years old! That kid's not a day over 11! They can't do this! You can't do this!
Mike: Brick, it's not like the couch. You got to sit down.
Brick: Stop the movie! Stop the movie!

Brick: Please, Axl. Come on. Just... Just give me the book back.
Axl: Yeah, okay. [chuckles]
Brick: [exhales deeply] Thank you.
Axl: Professor Faxon has been dead the whole time.
Brick: [screams] No!
Axl: The Seventh Circle only exists in Professor Faxon's mind!
Brick: [screams] No!
Axl: Planet Nowhere is just Earth four million years ago!
Brick: [screams] No! [drops to the ground]
Axl: [gasps] Oh! Brick? I think I killed Brick!

Brick: Mom! Did you see that guy? That's David S. Rosenthal! The author of the Planet Nowhere book series as well as the official Out of this World Cookbook... How to Get Your Silligan to Eat Their Vegetables?
Frankie: [scoffs] What? No, it's not. It's Milt. Brick, I don't think a billionaire author is going to be doing the Orson Escape Room on New Year's Day. Why would he be here?
Brick: It's not my job to ask "Why is he here?" It's my job to freak out that he is here!

Brick: T-minus one day until the Planet Nowhere book releases. Now that we're in the home stretch, I'll be switching to hourly updates.
Frankie: Brick, enough with the reminders. Your dad said he was gonna take you.
Brick: You're not the most reliable people. Oh, and don't forget my costume. I just need a furry hat and gloves that look like rocks. And obviously, of course, a pointy nose. Wouldn't want to look like an idiot.

Brick: Well, they don't get Planet Nowhere at all. I had to explain the Silligans five times. I mean, how hard is it to understand that their noses give them special powers, a precognition and echolocation. And don't even get me started on Sorn. They thought he needed to meet someone and settle down. The leader of the Vernagle Army. Can you believe it? I don't get it... We have nothing in common. It's like we are from two different worlds! [removes knitting needles] Looks like I won't be needing these any more.

Brick: It's 10:00 AM. I didn't know whether I should wake you up. I already made myself breakfast and did my push-up. Today is my day, right?
Mike: It is, Brick. Sorry, we're just beat. It's been a long weekend.
Brick: I decided I don't wanna go to the library.
Frankie: Oh, good. Oh. I mean, we don't have to go anywhere to have a special day. We can just watch TV all day.
Brick: You always let me watch TV.
Frankie: Yes, but we'll let you watch it in bed with us.
Brick: No, I still wanna go somewhere. While I was waiting for you guys to wake up, I read in the newspaper that there's a Planet Nowhere convention in Indianapolis today.
Mike: Oh, come on, Brick, no. It's a long drive to Indianapolis.
Brick: Perfect. It'll give me plenty of time to fill you in on the series. See, what a lot of people don't know about the Planet Nowhere series is that it's an allegory. Now, all the tribes...

Brick: What's this?
Axl: It's a, uh... It's a new ending to Planet Nowhere that I came up with myself. [chuckles] So, you know, you can have, like, the experience you missed out on, or... something.
Brick: Really? You did this for me?
Axl: Mm.
Brick: Wow. This sucks.
Axl: Ha. Are you sure? Maybe you just didn't get it. You see, the entire planet lives inside the stomach of this ginormous dragon, and then when the dragon barfs it all up, it's just, like-
Brick: I-I get it.
Axl: Oh. All right.
Brick: You know, actually... there is a better way you can make it up to me.
[cut to Brick and Axl in their room:]
Brick: The problem is you've never learned to appreciate books. "Book one. Chapter one. Gallantra, The Mighty Dwarf. Beyond our galaxy, beyond our time, beyond our collective memory, there exists a planet of curious origin..."

Brick: And so, ironically, for the Vernegos to ultimately triumph over the Silligans, they must first abandon their planet entirely and wander the galaxy for - you guessed it - 11 centuries.

Frankie: Okay. Sorry. Sorry I'm late. Whoo. Shoot.
Brick: Well, after months of reading about clubs, wives, and counties, the book club is finally reading something I recommended, Planet Nowhere.
Frankie: Your meter's running, Brick. What do you need?
Brick: Well, I thought it would be fun, as part of our follow-up discussion, if I made Silligan noses for everyone to wear. So can you scoot me over to the fabric store?