Brick: Sue, I saw your trophy. The Glossners have it!
Sue: What?
Brick: I was walking past their house, and I saw it in their garage. Luckily, they couldn't see me, because I'm wearing camouflage. [whispers] Camouflage.

Frankie: [v.o.] And then, just as the buzzer was about to go off, Mike decided to take one last shot, a shot that couldn't possibly miss.
Mike: Axl, wait. If someone would just help me out by, uh, clearing my plate, it, uh, might change my mind and make me want to do something nice in return. It's practically in there already. Just put it in the sink. Literally, just move it 6 inches into the sink.
Axl: Why would you think I'm in the mood to help you? I've been giving you signs all week that I'm upset with you, and you just don't get it. God! How obvious do I have to be?

Mike: For God's sake, Axl, do you think I don't want you to play in this game? You think I don't want you to break my record? It's killing me that my own son has a chance to get his plaque up there. Another Heck man on the wall. And now he won't. But I gave you every opportunity to get back in this game. And you wouldn't take it.
Axl: What opportunity? Now you're just making stuff up!
Mike: If you'd have just moved the plate 6 inches into the sink...
Axl: It wasn't my plate!
Mike: I was trying to give you an opening. Why do you think I was talking about cleaning the gutters?
Axl: Wait a minute. If I cleaned the gutters, you would have let me play tonight?
Mike: Yes!
Axl: Why didn't you tell me that?!
Mike: Because I wanted you to come up with it on your own.
Axl: If you want me come up with stuff on my own, you got to tell me!
Mike: All I needed was one gesture, one tiny expression of remorse or apology.
Axl: Well, I'm sorry I'm not a mind reader!
Mike: I heard "I'm sorry." Apology accepted. Go play!
Axl: But I wasn't apologizing...
Frankie: Go, you fool! Go!

Frankie: [v.o.] Out here in the middle, nothing's more important than what you pass on to the next generation, and at our house, no legacy is more entrenched than the arrival of the dreaded box of cousin clothes.
Frankie: Oh, no. Every year I tell them, no underwear.
Brick: Please don't make me wear any more of Randall's hand-me-downs. They're not exactly my style.
Frankie: Sorry, Brick, but until we win the lottery, your style is free. Ooh. Looky here. [gasps] You don't have a leather jacket with chains.
Brick: There's a reason for that.
Frankie: I don't know what to tell you, hon. Free's free.
Sue: Don't worry. I had to wear the geeky cousin clothes when I was your age, too, but now since Mindy gained all that weight, I get to wear whatever I want.

Frankie: [v.o.] Well the cousin clothes weren't the only clothes causing stress in the house.
Mike: [finds a white sock wrapped around the remote] Axl. Get in here.
Frankie: [v.o.] For the past few weeks, Axl and Mike had been engaged in a clothing battle of their own.
[flashbacks:]
Mike: [grabs a white sock while working under the sink] Axl, get in here!
Mike: [finds a white sock on the steering wheel] Axl, get in here! [honks horn]
[present:]
Axl: What? I'm late for basketball.
Mike: What did I tell you? I don't want to come home from work and find any more of your smelly socks laying around my house where I can see 'em.
Axl: All right, jeez, I forgot. God. Like this house is so clean.
Mike: Hey. Our crappy house is no excuse for you to be a pig. Now pick that thing up and get it out of my line of vision. And I'm warning you, the next sock I find, I'm taking away something big.

Brick: Mom? Who are the Village People?
Frankie: Um... why do you ask?
Brick: I think you know why I ask.
Frankie: Okay. We're not that poor. You can lose the jacket. But I still think the pants are cute. Zippers are very in right now.
Brick: Don't even.

[Mike slips on a sock while carrying a cup of coffee, spilling it all over his shirt]
Mike: Damn it. Axl, get in here! What did I say about these socks?
Axl: Oh, oh, that's perfect. You just automatically assume it's mine.
[Mike throws the sock down at Axl's feet: one socked, one bare]
Axl: Oh.

Frankie: What were you thinking?
Mike: I wasn't thinkin'! I was going for shock and awe. He was looking at me with that snotty face, and I just wanted to take away something that he cared about.
Frankie: Hello? Car? TV? iPod? Cell phone? Dessert?
Mike: Well, where were you with these great suggestions 30 seconds ago?
Frankie: I don't know! I didn't want to undermine you.
Mike: Since when? You undermine me all the time! And why am I the only one who's getting on him about these socks?
Frankie: Actually, the socks don't bother me. That's your thing. I never got why it bugged you so much. I mean, you got "underwear Mountain" over there.
Mike: I walk on bras to get to the bathroom every morning. Is that really what we want to be focusing on here?

Brick: Mom? Who's Liberace?
Frankie: Why do you ask?
Brick: I think you know why I ask. I got called it on the way to the bathroom.
Frankie: Kids can be very cruel.
Brick: It was a teacher.

Mike: Everybody gets a trophy? [Frankie sighs] This isn't winning an award. This is like hearing your name when they call attendance.
Frankie: Come on. That's just the way they do it now. It's cute. And aside from the 40 bucks, what's the harm?
Mike: The harm is we're raising kids with no sense of reality. Used to be, you were the best, you got a trophy. Now we just give 'em out to any bozo that shows up?
Frankie: Well, as the father of a bozo, I would keep that to yourself.
Mike: I mean, these kids have got to know these trophies are meaningless.
Sue: Look. I won. I really won! I feel like I'm dreaming!
Frankie: Oh, we're so proud of you, honey! Oh.
Mike: Hey, look at you!