Frankie: [v.o.] Halloween. A time to dress up and show another side of yourself, or in Sue's case, six sides.
Sue: [in a dice costume] So? What do you think?
Axl: Oh... my... God.
Frankie: Oh, wow, honey. That's great, and it's so... big.
Axl: Aren't you too old to still be dressing up for hall-lame-ween?
Sue: It's a costume party, Axl, so why don't you just shut up?
Axl: Why don't you just get lost like all the rest of the dice in this house? Hmm?
Brick: Have you given any thought on how you're gonna fit in the car?
Sue: Carly's dad is taking us to the party in his pickup truck. He said I can ride in the back. It's safe. He's gonna strap me down with a bungee cord.
Sue: [car horn honks] It's them! [falls over] Oh, no!
Axl: Oh! Come on, snake eyes!
Brick: Roll her again, roll her again.
Frankie: Hey, you two. Stop it. Pick up your sister and help load her into the truck.

Mike: Why do you do this to yourself?
Frankie: Oh, come on. Like you've never been guilted into anything.
Mike: Nope, 'cause I don't care what other people think about me.
Frankie: That's because you're dead inside.
Mike: And I don't care that you think that. See how that works?

Brick: No, no, no... No, no, no... Eh, no.
Frankie: All right, I get it. You're not feeling it. So what do you want to be?
Brick: I think I'd like to be a large leather-bound book with pages that really turn. On the pages, I want illustrations and writing. For font, I'm leaning toward Sanskrit.
Frankie: You see any book costumes here? They're not exactly a hot seller this year.
Brick: Can't you just make me one?
Frankie: Ah. Wrong family.

Mike: Oh, hey. Did you talk to Sue about what we talked about last night?
Frankie: We talked last night?
Mike: Yeah. I woke you up. We talked for, like, ten minutes.
Frankie: I told you, you can't talk to me when I'm sleeping. The seven hours between bedtime and breakfast, this world is dead to me.

Mike: Well, I guess the girls at the party were dressed... Sort of sexy and somebody put a drink on her, so she was kind of down.
Frankie: Oh, no. What did you say? Did you tell her it's okay? Did you tell her she's beautiful? Did you tell her there's all these amazing boys out there who will like her for who she is?
Mike: Basically. I told her tomorrow's a new day.
Frankie: "Tomorrow's a new day?" That's what you told her?
Mike: What, it's not? Look, this is your department. Obviously, you've been slacking off on the girl talk. You really got to get on that.
Frankie: Okay, that's fine, but you know, studies show that girls who are close with their fathers start having sex later in life.
[cut to:]
Mike: Hey, Sue. How's it going?

Mike: Uh... So listen, uh, here's the thing. You had some questions the other night, and, uh, if you're still interested, maybe I can answer a few of 'em. You know, if you have any. If you don't, that's- that's fine.
Sue: Oh, yes. Yes, I have a ton of them!
Mike: Well, I don't know if we have time for a ton. [chuckles]
Sue: Okay. What do boys want?
Mike: Still stuck on that one, huh?
Sue: Is a rockin' bod the most important thing? You know what that is, right, Dad? 'Cause sometimes I think it is, but do you not get any points for being interesting? And I mean, obviously, having a rockin' bod and being interesting would be the best combo, but if you're not, are you just out of the game? And what's the scale? And how do you even find this stuff out? Oh, and do you think my smile's too teethy?
Mike: Wow.
Sue: Uh... Do you want me to say that again?
Mike: No. Um, look, Sue... [clears throat] Some boys like... some things about some girls. But then there are other girls who have other things. And the thing is, what you want to do not now, but at some point in the future is find... the person... that likes the things that you have that... are good. Okay? And tomorrow's a new day.

Brick: Is this a valid Halloween costume?
Axl: I don't know. What are you supposed to be?
Brick: I'm the ghost of Ernest Hemingway. [whispers] Hemingway.
Axl: [scoffs] What's with the belt?
Brick: The sheet's too long, and Mom won't let me cut it 'cause it's the one we use when Grandma comes. Look, I'm just trying to get through the night.

Frankie: [pants] You know, I said, "I'm sorry", and when someone says, "I'm sorry," do you know what the correct response is? "That's okay." 'Cause we're all out here just trying our best, and when you say something nasty, that affects people. That hurts people. For your information, these kids all have social problems, all of 'em. Like, this one won't eat anything that isn't red. And this one here meows. My son whispers-
Henry: I talk too loud and interrupt!
Frankie: I got this, Henry. The point is you don't know what some mom might be dealing with, 'cause not every kid is a perfect princess, which is an adorable costume, by the way. See? I'm spreading goodness in the world, not rudeness and judgment, 'cause a world where people don't say "That's okay" after someone says "I'm sorry", is not a world that I want to live in.
Woman: I'm sorry?
Frankie: That's okay.

Frankie: [v.o.] Yep, it's no fun being a parent when you gotta tell your kid something they don't want to hear...
Mike: Sue, hold on. I gotta talk to you.
Sue: Please, not now. I looked up the best time to show up for a party on kickinitteenstyle.com, and right now we're in the "casually cool" window, but if we wait too much longer, we'll be "party tardy," and I'll risk dissing my host. We gotta go.
Frankie: [v.o.] Especially when you don't get to tell them.

Mike: I'm just gonna say it. I hate Halloween.
Frankie: Well, you're about to hate it a lot more. We're stuck taking Brick's social skills group trick-or-treating next week.
Mike: Hmm. That doesn't sound like us. How'd you get roped into that?
Frankie: I was picking Brick up and somebody said, "Wouldn't it be great if they trick-or-treated together?" And then everyone was talking about which mom should go and then they all looked at me and said, "We know you work."
Mike: Sounds to me like they were giving you an out.
Frankie: No, they didn't say, "We know you work." They said, "we know you work... And you're a bad mom and you don't care about your kids."