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Hallelujah Hoedown

‘Hallelujah Hoedown’

Season 4, Episode 22 - Aired May 8, 2013

With Mother's Day fast approaching, Frankie spells out exactly what present she wants to each of her kids. Sue asks Reverend TimTom for advice when she doesn't feel happy for her friends who are all getting their driver's licenses. Meanwhile, Axl finally invites Cassidy to prom after thinking she would not want to go.

Quote from Sue

Sue: He-he-he-hoo. He-he-he-hoo. He-he-he-hoo.
Frankie: Sue, you're gonna pass out again.
Mike: What is she doing?
Sue: I found Mom's old Lamaze tapes. I realized I have been psyching myself out for these driving tests. And if I can control my breathing, I can control my driving. [exhales] He-he-he-hoo. And breathe the baby out. Okay. All right. I am gonna go listen to "Fearless" by Taylor Swift one more time, and then, Dad, you and I are gonna go to the B.M.V. Whoo-hoo! Go, Sue.


Quote from Reverend TimTom

Sue: Well, lately, I've been having these weird feelings inside, and I don't get it. See, all my friends have been getting their driver's licenses, but I keep failing. And when Brad told me he got his license, instead of feeling happy for him, I just wanted to punch that smile right off his face. So what do you think that means?
Reverend TimTom: Hmm. Sounds like somebody's dancin' her first dance with that old friend the green-eyed monster.
Sue: What do you mean?
Reverend TimTom: You're jealous, Sue. It's a pretty common problem. Throughout history, many have felt its sting... Cain and Abel, Ishmael and Isaac, the Jonas brothers and 1D.

Quote from Darrin

Sean: $147. Bam. That's it. That's enough to rent the Orson limo for prom.
Darrin: I rode in that when my grandma died. It was awesome. I rode the whole way to the cemetery out the sunroof.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: So listen. Mother's Day's coming up. What's the deal? What's going on? What do you know?
Brick: Hmm. I don't know anything, but I'm pretty low on the information food chain. Maybe Dad already got you something.
Frankie: Yeah. I heard that story. Not buying it. Look, I know you're the smart one. That's why I'm coming to you. You're the only one I'm talking to about this. Here's the deal... for once, I just want what I want. I don't need breakfast in bed, I don't need eggs spilled all over my comforter, I don't want a book of hug coupons, and I don't want a card written on the back of an old receipt. I want the Backmaster 2000. It's at Brickstone. It's $40. And I want the one with the heat and the infra-red rolling balls. What do you say?
Brick: [whispers] Rolling balls.
Frankie: Good boy.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: [v.o.] With all her friends getting their driver's licenses, it was a pain even fro-yo couldn't cure.
Sue: [mouth full] Hey, Mom. Can I talk to you for a sec?
Frankie: Oh, good, Sue. I wanted to talk to you, too. Listen, Mother's Day is this weekend, and I know your dad hasn't planned jack squat. That's why I'm coming to you. You're the girl. You're the only one who gets it. Now I want the Backmaster 2000 from Brickstone. And I want it in yellow. It's $40, and it comes with heat and infra-red rolling balls. You got it? Good.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: Oh, I can't believe it's your senior prom. You look so handsome. [chuckles]
Axl: [rolls eyes] Yeah.
Frankie: Not so fast. I want the Backmaster 2000 for Mother's Day. I'm coming to you exclusively because you're the one everybody looks up to. You're the one who can get it done. 40 bucks at Brickstone. Yellow. Infra-red rolling balls. Got it? Okay, then. Have fun.

Quote from Sue

Reverend TimTom: So, let's rap. Parents and teens don't always see eye to eye, now do they?
Brad: No way. I'm usually so close with my mom, but ever since I got my driver's license, she's like, "Drive here. Drive there. Pick up your dance belt at the store."
Carly: I know. It's like a license gives you all this freedom, but in some ways, you're kind of a prisoner.
Brad: And now they got me driving Grammy Bottig around on the weekends. [Sue sighs heavily] I am sorry, but I have better things to do than watching her pay for a cinnamon bun with a giant jar of pennies.
Sue: Oh! Wah, wah, wah! Poor you guys! You know, is there nothing else in life you can talk about? There are other things going on in the world, you know. Troubled teens are getting tattoos in their... underwear area! I thought I was coming to a hoedown, but if this is just gonna be a driver's-license down, then I guess I will just go somewhere else!

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: [v.o.] Some you fail over and over, even if you've been given the answer key.
Frankie: Yellow pants? Are you kidding me? I told you what I wanted. I told you exactly what I wanted. I told all of you! Backmaster 2000!
Mike: Well, hey, you haven't even tried 'em on yet.
[later, Frankie walks out into the living room wearing the patchy, yellow pants:]
Mike: Hey!
Frankie: Oh, yeah. This is so much better. Who buys someone yellow pants? Did I say pants? Did I say yellow pants? Did anybody hear me say "yellow pants"? I mean, come on. How much clearer could a person be? You know what? Next year, just write me a check.
Mike: Hey. They're the ones in charge. I just...
Frankie: Oh, save it, buddy. You just wait until Father's Day. You'll see. Seriously, what am I supposed to do with these?
[later, at work, Frankie rolls up the yellow pants and places them behind her back on her desk chair]
Frankie: Oh, wow. That's not bad.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: So it's May.
Mike: Yep, and she's been trying to pass that test since March.
Frankie: Yeah, yeah. But there's, um, something else going on in May. Let me think. Any particular holidays? Oh, right. I knew there was something... Mother's Day.
Mike: I got it, Frankie. Don't worry. I'm on it.
Frankie: Mike, you are so not on it.
Mike: I could be on it. You don't know.
Frankie: Actually, I do know. 'Cause you always wait till the night before, and then you just run out to the drugstore. I'm tired of getting crappy stuff from you guys, okay? I'm tired of making the face and pretending to be excited. "Hey!" [sighs] Can I please for once just tell you what I want?
Mike: It's too late, Frankie. Maybe I already got you the perfect present and hid it somewhere in the house.
Frankie: Hey... I don't believe you.

Quote from Brad

Carly: Do you want a ride home, Sue? I can drive. We can stop for fro-yo.
Becky: Or I could drive you. I got my license last week.
Ruth: I've had my buggy license since I was 11.
Sue: No, that's okay. I'll just take the bus home with Brad. I don't wanna make him feel bad.
Brick: [car horn honks] Guess who just passed his driver's test!
Becky: [laughs] Brad... Oh, my. Brad, this is sick.
Brad: I had to take the picture five times, 'cause I was smiling so much, and you couldn't see enough of my face.

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