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‘Thanksgiving III’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

The Middle: Thanksgiving III

310. Thanksgiving III

Aired November 23, 2011

When the Hecks spend Thanksgiving with Frankie's parents, Pat (Marsha Mason) and Tag (Jerry Van Dyke), sibling rivalry rears its ugly head between Frankie and her sister, Janet (Molly Shannon).

Quote from Tag

Tag: This one's for my liver. This one here, this is for my foot fungus, and this one thins my blood. No lie, if I get as much as a splinter, I can bleed out faster than you can say Tom Sawyer. [Axl chuckles] Don't get old, Mike.
Mike: Believe me, I'm weighing all my options.

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Quote from Tag

Tag: Hey, guys, what gives?
Axl: He doesn't want to go back in there 'cause he got shot down trying to pick up the hot cashier.
Mike: No, I was trying to teach him how to talk to girls 'cause he was embarrassing himself.
Tag: [chuckles] Axl, Axl, Axl. Listen, if you wanted tips on the ladies, you should have come to the old Tag-eroo. Here's what you do. First you win over her father. Then you buy her a rose every day for two weeks. Trust me, you'll be holding hands in six months.
Axl: Well, Grandpa, that's all really awesome advi-
Tag: Come on, let's go in. I'll be your sidecar.
Mike: Wingman.

Quote from Tag

Tag: Hey, sleepyhead, it's 7:30. How do you like your Tag-cakes?
Mike: At 9:30.
Tag: I'll bet Axl's hungry.
[Axl grabs the plate and takes it under his blanket, empties it and returns the plate without even sitting up]
Tag: Attaboy. Enjoy 'em. I put three sticks of butter in every batch.

Quote from Pat

Frankie: So, Mom... What's the plan? When are you gonna start cooking tomorrow? Mike's been dreaming about your famous sweet potatoes.
Pat: Oh, don't worry, Mike. You're gonna get your sweet potatoes. This year, I prepared everything ahead of time and I froze it. Made these babies in July. After all, Thanksgiving is about the family, not the food.
Mike: It's a little about the food.

Quote from Pat

Pat: Well, Aunt Helen comes home early from the bingo trip, and she found him with his home health care worker, proving services not covered by the HMO.
Frankie: [gasps] No.
Janet: Not again.
Pat: Yes, again. [Sue walks in] Uh, maybe we should talk about this later.
Frankie: It's okay. Sue can hear the family gossip. She is not a little girl anymore.
Sue: No, I am not. I matured on September 21st, if you know what I'm sayin'. I'm saying I got my period.
Pat: Yeah, we got the e-mail. So anyway, aunt Helen, who's still very feisty...
Frankie: [v.o.] And just like that, Sue became a member of the blah blah sisterhood.

Quote from Tag

Mike: How's that TV coming, Axl?
Tag: Yeah, you can punch those buttons till you're blue in the face. That TV ain't coming on. Damn cable company wanted to charge me an extra 4 bucks a month for HD. You know where I told 'em to go.
Axl: Here? To fix the TV?
Tag: I got those bastards right where I want 'em. I guarantee you they're gonna blink first. Besides, it's the holidays. Who needs TV?
Mike & Axl: I do.

Quote from Axl

Axl: Hey. How you doing?
Cashier: Fine.
Axl: Cool. Cool.
Cashier: Just the tiny pink marshmallows, sir?
Axl: Oh, uh... Yeah. Right. Those aren't for me.
Cashier: Anything else?
Axl: Uh, what type of gum would you recommend? I, uh, like to chew it while I play football. [hands her cash] Oh. Yeah. Ah. Hurt my shoulder. Not sure if it was from football... Or from playing guitar in my band that I play in. You know...
Cashier: Thank you for shopping at the mini-mart.
Axl: I'm, uh... Axl, by the way.
Cashier: Thank you, Axl, for shopping at the mini-mart.

Quote from Mike

Axl: What?
Mike: Nothing. I just never really witnessed your game up close before. "What kind of gum would you recommend?"
Axl: Hey, I think I laid some nice groundwork.
Mike: Really? 'Cause I think you dug a big hole and then fell in it. You can't just talk about yourself, Axl. You gotta ask them some questions. Women like to talk about themselves.
Axl: Why do you even care about this?
Mike: 'Cause someday I'd like you to get married and get out of my house.

Quote from Mike

Mike: Okay. Watch and learn. [to the cashier] So they got you working on Thanksgiving, huh?
Cashier: Yeah, but it's okay. I'm trying to save some money for college.
Mike: Oh, is that right? What high school do you go to?
Cashier: St. Mary's.
Mike: Oh, yeah. That's the catholic school just down the street. So do you gotta wear those catholic girl uniforms with the skirts? [chuckles]
Cashier: Sir, this conversation is making me uncomfortable.

Quote from Axl

Axl: Smooth, Dad. I thought that Dateline guy was gonna come out of the back.
Mike: Shut up.

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