‘The Graduation’
Season 4, Episode 24 - Aired May 22, 2013
As graduation day approaches, Frankie and Axl keep getting on each other's nerves. Sue is hopeful that the sixth time's a charm as she once again takes her driver's test. Meanwhile, Vice Principal Dunlap (Marion Ross) reminds Brick that he's the class historian and is responsible for putting together a slideshow of his elementary class's last four years.
Quote from Brick
Ms. Dunlap: And now with no further ado, your class historian, Brick Heck, will take you on a magical, musical journey of your years at Orson Elementary. Brick? [under breath] You better blow the doors off this place.
Brick: [to microphone] Memories. I could show you all pictures of your time here at Orson Elementary, but those would be my memories, not yours. So instead, I invite you to close your eyes and picture your own memories. Remember the field trip to the Indiana Dunes in second grade? I don't, but maybe you do. Maybe you had a great time. What about the time that you and your friend and your other friend locked arms on the playground? Boy, you guys are close. And now sit back and enjoy a musical montage of all your best memories, artfully put together in your own imagination, while I hum the tune to the appropriate, if not overused, graduation anthem, "We Are Young" by Fun [hums "We Are Young"] [students giggle]
Girl: Who is that?
Boy: Did we vote for him?
Girl: He's weird.
Frankie: [v.o.] So Brick left elementary school with his reputation intact.
Brick: Nailed it.
Ms. Dunlap: This isn't over. I will hunt you like a dog in the street. [loudly] Well, wasn't that delightful? And now Mimi Millhauser on the flutophone.
Quote from Brick
Brick: Hey, Mom, quick thing. I need you to take about 200 pictures of my classmates and set them to music in a slide show. It should be touching but not schmaltzy, funny, but without trying too hard. And if you could have it ready Friday morning by 10:00, that'd be great. 11:00 at the latest. Night.
Frankie: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Brick. How long have you known about this?
Brick: What's today? Thursday? About... four years.
Frankie: Brick!
Brick: It's not my fault. They should have voted for Jay Gold. I got elected based on one good speech and didn't have the skills to back it up. It's really what's wrong with politics.
Quote from Brick
Ms. Dunlap: Hi there, Brick. How's my favorite class historian doing?
Brick: Actually, there's been a little hiccup with the photo montage, but the good news is, you'll have an extra 15 minutes to play with at the assembly.
Ms. Dunlap: Oh, well, these things happen. [chuckles]
Brick: Oh, I knew you'd understand.
Ms. Dunlap: But they don't happen to me. Now you listen to me. And you listen good, you little punk. You're gonna do the job you were elected to do four years ago, or I will turn you inside out and wear you like a hat. Ha. I know everyone thinks the vice principal's a joke. I hear the whispers. I don't like it when people whisper about me, Brick. Got it?
Brick: Got it. [whispers] Got it. [gasps; normal voice] Sorry! [whispers] Sorry. [normal voice] I can't stop whispering! [whispers] Whispering.
Ms. Dunlap: This photo montage is the only thing the Principal doesn't have her stinkin' paws all over, and if you mess it up, I will make your life a living hell. I have connections in middle school, and I can make sure you get the smelliest locker and the meanest teachers and extra gym.
Brick: Oh, no.
Ms. Dunlap: Oh, yes. [school bell rings] Well, anyway, I can't wait to see your presentation, dear.
Quote from Sue
BMV Examiner: Okay, Sue, in about a half mile, you're gonna wanna take-
Sue: I know. Take a right at the stop sign, a left by the yellow house with the apple tree in the yard, then bring it down to 25 miles an hour for the school zone. This is not my first barbecue.
BMV Examiner: Nice signal. And... nice turn.
Frankie: [v.o.] Only six blocks to go, and Sue was doing great. Maybe it was all her experience paying off. Maybe it was Bobblehead Jesus. But of course, Sue being Sue...
Sue: [gasps as the windshield is splattered with red food] Windshield obstructed. Activating wipers. Peripheral vision compromised.
BMV Examiner: I really think we should stop.
Sue: Don't worry. I got this. [two teenagers carry a balloon arch into the middle of the road] Whoa-oh.
BMV Examiner: Watch out!
Sue: No choice but to go through!
BMV Examiner: Oh, God. Mattress! Oh!
Sue: It's okay! I can still see!
BMV Examiner: For the love of God, pull over! I have children!
Sue: No! I only have two blocks left! [bang, rattling] Pothole. Not a problem! [siren wails] Page 47 in the manual how to stay calm in a hazardous situation!
BMV Examiner: I've been doing this for 30 years. [sighs] And that was the single greatest piece of driving I have ever seen. Congratulations, Sue Heck. You passed.
[Sue screams, gets out of the car and runs to hug Mike before dancing]
Quote from Brick
Frankie: Hmm. Hey, Brick, I got a notice from the school. You gotta collect all your stuff from the Lost and Found by the end of the week, or they're gonna donate it to the poor. Get my stuff, Brick. I want my stuff back.
Brick: Hmm. I don't recall losing anything. What kind of stuff are we talking about?
Frankie: Huh. A lunch box, an IU sweatshirt, a winter jacket, a rain jacket, the Donahues' jacket, the good flashlight, the bad flashlight, a bubble umbrella, and I'm gonna be conservative and say, oh, 20 pairs of mittens.
Brick: Huh. Since you know exactly what's missing, maybe you should go. You really seem to have a handle on this.
Quote from Mike
Frankie: I am going to kill him, I tell you! I'm gonna kill him.
Mike: Just relax. He's not gonna be here much longer.
Frankie: Then I'll have to act fast, won't I? I can't stand him, Mike. I just hate his stupid face. I swear to God, when he goes off to college, I'm not even gonna miss him.
Mike: Look, all this fighting is just nature's way of helping you guys deal with the fact he's leaving. You think mama birds push their babies out of the nest to help 'em fly? Maybe they're just sick of 'em. Trust me, Frankie. It's the natural order of things. It's why you guys have been annoying each other so much lately.
Frankie: I'm not doing anything. I'm being great. It's him.
Mike: Uh-huh. Are you in your pajamas with your coat on?
Frankie: I was cold, and I thought we were hating him right now.
Mike: He... is a bad, bad child, and you are a wonderful mother.
Frankie: Thank you.
Quote from Mike
Mike: Now remember, Sue, this is just like a car, only much bigger and harder to drive.
Sue: Why did Axl have to take your car? What if I fail again? I cannot get back on that bus, Dad.
Mike: Sue, listen to me. You have screwed up this driving test so many ways, I can't think of another mistake you could possibly make.
Sue: Aw! Thanks for the pep talk, Dad. Okay. Let's do this! Whoo!
Driving Instructor #1: Sue Heck.
[As Sue exhales, the three driving examiners play a game of Rock Paper Scissors behind her back to see who will examine her test]
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: [v.o.] Raising kids it seems to go by in the blink of an eye. But it's all worth it 'cause you know someday they're gonna grow up and be...
Axl: Why are you lurking outside my door? God, it's like you're stalking me!
Frankie: [v.o.] Awful.
Frankie: Ugh. Is it me, or is Axl being a bigger jerk than usual lately?
Mike: I don't know. Seems like about the normal amount of jerk to me.
Frankie: No, I'm serious, Mike. He's been horrible to me. I'm just trying to get some answers out of him about his graduation party, and he's all, like... [mocking voice] "What's with you? "Stop stalking me." "If it bugs you so much, why don't you flush it?" I don't know how much more I can take. And look around this place. I got a high tolerance for pain.
Quote from Brick
Ms. Dunlap: Oh, looks like somebody really struck it rich at the Lost and Found. You're Brick Heck, right? You're the class historian.
Brick: Am I?
Frankie: [v.o.] He was.
Ms. Dunlap: So... how is your slide show coming along? Since I'm the vice principal, that's kind of my baby.
Brick: Slide show?
Ms. Dunlap: Well, you know, for the final assembly, when the historian presents his big presentation. Why do you think you've been taking all those pictures for the past four years?
Brick: For the assembly, of course. That's exactly why I've been taking all those pictures, which I definitely did do, by the way.
Ms. Dunlap: Now remember, dear, your photo montage should be poignant and heartfelt. We've allotted 15 minutes, but you can go a full 20 if you need to.
Brick: Oh, good. That takes some of the pressure off.
Ms. Dunlap: Really looking forward to it.
Quote from Axl
Frankie: Oh, good, you're home. I... [sighs] I need you to give me some answers about your graduation party.
Axl: Oh, you still talking about that?
Frankie: [scoffs] Yes, I am, because you won't. So how many of your friends do you think will be coming?
Axl: Unknown.
Frankie: Will Sean and Darrin wanna bring their parents?
Axl: Unknown.
Frankie: What about food and drinks?
Axl: "Un" and "known."
Frankie: Well, can it be known? Can you give me maybe one second of your attention so that I can know some of this stuff? [Axl groans] Look, your graduation is a big deal, Axl. It wasn't exactly breezy getting you through four years of high school, and we would like to celebrate it.
Axl: Fine. Whatever you want.
Frankie: No, it's not whatever I want. It's whatever you want.
Axl: Ho ho ho! That's hilarious. This is not what I want. I just wanna hang out with my friends. I don't even want a party. You wanna give me what I want? How about a car? [slams door]