Rita Glossner: What's your deal against my chimes? My chimes are pretty. I'm trying to beautify the neighborhood. [tosses cigarette butt]
Frankie: Yeah. Oh, beauty is good. Could always use more beauty. Never met anyone who said "Go easy on the beauty," right?
Rita Glossner: I am trying to cultivate a sense of inner peace 'cause I just came back from a 6-to-9-month mandatory... spa.
Frankie: Oooh! Spa! Well, that explains why you look so relaxed.
Rita Glossner: I got a lot of rage in me. Probably 'cause I'm going through the pre-menopause. I'm not sleeping, I'm hot all the time. I mean, I still like sex plenty. That's not an issue, like it is with you. No wonder you only got three kids if you sleep in that.
Frankie: Well... they all look the same tossed at the foot of the bed. Am I right? [chuckles] Anyhoo... rest assured you will not be hearing a peep out of me, at least when I'm awake. The conscious me loves the wind chimes.
Rita Glossner: Well, if you want to stay conscious... you better.
Frankie: [chuckles] Well, I guess you have to get going, 'cause your ankle bracelet is flashing. [Rita runs off]

[Rita Glossner is on the Hecks' lawn throwing the chocolates at their house]
Rita Glossner: So, you gonna be my friend now, hmm? You think that you can buy me with your free chocolates that the insurance company sent?
Frankie: No. I ate the insurance chocolates. I bought those special for you.
Rita Glossner: You don't want to be my friend. You trying to "manipilate" me. I will not be "manipilated".
Frankie: Trust me, Rita -- I'm not trying to... "manipilate" you.
Rita Glossner: I don't believe you. I thought we'd put the past behind us, but I guess not. You hurt my feelings. You know what you are? You're a mean girl. Mm-hmm. You're a mean girl and a bully, and the whole neighborhood knows it.
Frankie: What?! I am not a bully! I'm nice. I sent you chocolates. I used the good stationery. I never even use stationery! You know what, Rita? You're the bully. And I'm not scared of you.
[When Frankie throws a chocolate back at Rita, it hits her square in the face]

Frankie: Rita! What a surprise. Just so you know, it wasn't me who called in that noise complaint last week. Who doesn't love AC/DC at 2:00 a.m.?
Rita Glossner: I need you to drive me someplace.
Frankie: Oh. [coughs] I would love to, but I'm actually really sick.
Rita Glossner: You didn't sound sick a second ago.
Frankie: Okay, I'm not sick, but I have to get to work.
Rita Glossner: No, you don't. Just sleep with your boss. Then you can come and go as you please. I'm at work right now. So, let's go. Ticktock, princess. Come on. I don't got all day.
Frankie: Can't one of your boys take you?
Rita Glossner: They're all lazy. I thought they'd grow up and chip in, but no. I'm the only one out there stripping copper out of abandoned houses. I told them, cereal don't grow on trees.
Frankie: Look, my boss is a real jerk if I'm late, so...
Rita Glossner: You know, I'm still emotionally and somewhat physically scarred from when you attacked me last Halloween. Now, I didn't press charges, but I could. You know why I didn't? 'Cause I'm a good neighbor. I assume you'd want to "recip-i-cate" my good intentions. Or you can just give me the keys to your car.

Frankie: Okay, here we go. So, where to?
Rita Glossner: Just drive. I'll tell you which way to go. [Frankie picks up Rita's brown bag] Hey! Trust me. You want to be real careful with that.
Frankie: Oh. Uh, w-what... what's in there?
Rita Glossner: None of your damn business. Cheez-It?
Frankie: Oh. [grabs a handful]
Rita Glossner: I said one. [Frankie puts the rest back]

Rita Glossner: Beautiful day for a drive. Relaxing, ain't it?
Frankie: Uh-huh. You know, this seems like it's turning into a whole thing, and I really should get back for dinner and my life and to the people who know where I am.
Rita Glossner: There's nothing like the open road. I just feel so trapped in that fishbowl of a neighborhood, everybody always judging you. You know what neighbor I really don't like? That Nancy Donahue.
Frankie: Oh. I don't know. She's nice. What don't you like about her?
Rita Glossner: Well, she thinks she's all that, that her house is all that, that her kids are all that. Like them girls, and that boy at that fancy college, and that weird one who reads.
Frankie: Uh, that one's mine.
Rita Glossner: And she thinks she's better than everybody else 'cause her teenagers are potty-trained. That's what I like about me and you. We don't care about our yards.
Frankie: Well, I... I care a little. But... But... But I hear you. I mean, it's like, people who make you jam. They don't want you to have jam. They want to show you they made jam.
Rita Glossner: I know. It's like, what dark hole are you fillin' in your life that you need to foist jam on your neighbors? [both laugh]
Frankie: Exactly.

Frankie: [v.o.] I couldn't believe in Orson, Indiana, something like this would happen. Who would do such a... [tires screech] [crash]
Frankie: Hey! Hey! Hey, that's my daughter's car!
Rita Glossner: If it's your daughter's car, how come I'm drivin' it?
Frankie: Uh, maybe 'cause you're a thief.
Rita Glossner: It's mine. My boys gave me this car as a gift for bein' a good mama.
Frankie: If it's your car, why do you have an "I Heart Dolphins" key chain?
Rita Glossner: 'Cause I do heart dolphins. They're the clowns of the sea. [Frankie scoffs] Ooh. I know what you're tryin' to do. You're tryin' to provoke me into a physical "alterfication." Well, I'm better than that. And I got two strikes.

Frankie: [sighs] Look, Rita, I am not making this up. My Aunt Edie gave that car to my daughter.
Rita Glossner: Well, then, your Aunt Edie can come get it back.
Frankie: [sighs] She passed away.
Rita Glossner: Oh, ain't that convenient? The only person who can "corraborate" your story is dead? Ha!
Frankie: [scoffs] Come on, Rita. Do the right thing.
Rita Glossner: Hate speech! Hate speech! She's hates me because I'm white!
Frankie: I'm white!
Frankie: You are not leaving in my car.
Rita Glossner: That's right. I'm leaving in mine. I was gonna go get Tang and cigarettes, but I guess my kids will just go hungry. [Frankie screams as Rita drives forward, over her groceries]

Frankie: [v.o.] You may wonder why we didn't get the ball. Because there was no way we were stepping foot in that yard. Every neighborhood has one. You know, a family that's just not worth tangling with? Well, in our neighborhood, it was the Glossners. Four unruly hooligans who'd held our street hostage for as long as I can remember. Whatever hell they rained on you, you took it, because retaliating only made it worse. But as bad as those Glossner boys were...
Frankie: Hey, hey, hey. Put... Hey... You...
Frankie: [v.o.] ...it was the mom you really didn't wanna mess with.
Rita Glossner: Is there a problem here?
Frankie: [v.o.] Yeah, there's a problem. That Amazon scares the hell out of me.
Frankie: No, no. We're good.
Rita Glossner: All right, then. [takes Frankie's newspaper]
Frankie: Hey, uh, that's mine.
Rita Glossner: Really? It was right here on the curb. You own the whole outdoors, do you, princess?
Frankie: No, of course not. I... You have a nice day.
[Rita flicks her cigarette into the Hecks' yard. As she walks away, she crushes a beer can and throws it back into the yard.]

Rita Glossner: My hose. You took it. Now what am I supposed to do, wait for the rain to fill up my pool?
Frankie: I don't know what you're talking about. I don't have your hose.
Rita Glossner: Right. I seen you casing my house, walking by, staring at me.
Frankie: No, no. I was just... looking. N-not even a look. Just a glance. Just 'cause we didn't know you were back in town.
Rita Glossner: You've been gossiping about me behind my back?
Frankie: No, no. No one did that. We were just wondering, you know, a-about your kids.
Rita Glossner: You got no business wondering about my kids. My kids were fine. People was looking in on 'em.
Frankie: Good. Good. That's responsible. Looking in. Hey, you know, m-maybe you should ask one of them about your hose. Maybe one of your boys has it.
Rita Glossner: You think my kids stole it? Is that what you're hinting at?
Frankie: No, no. I-I never said "stole."
Rita Glossner: You know, I ought to punch your boobs in. But I won't, 'cause I'm a lady. But if that hose ain't back in my yard by tomorrow, I'm gonna rain fire down on your house.
Frankie: Well, I won't be able to put it out! 'Cause I didn't take your hose!

Frankie: [v.o.] Yep, after a 20-year reign of terror, we finally got our neighborhood back. A bunch of Glossners got locked up in juvie, and the truant officer made two of 'em go back to school. And a funny thing happened once there were less kids in the house. Rita actually became a little more... human.
Frankie: Flowers look great, Rita.
Rita Glossner: Thanks, neighbor. [chuckles] And I didn't even steal these from a cemetery. I'll put some in a beer can and bring 'em over later. [chuckles]
Frankie: [v.o.] Let's face it... It's the kids' fault. It's the kids that make you crabby.