Frankie: So did you get through to him? 'Cause, you know, the clay's drying. We're sort of in a hurry.
Reverend TimTom: Hmm. Well, I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
Frankie: Wait and see? Okay, look, I took a quilt out of the oven and heated you a lasagna. No offense, but I expected some real results here.
Reverend TimTom: I know you're frustrated, Frankie, and you know why that is? Because it's hard being a parent. It's tough being mom and dad. [plays guitar and sings] It's hard being a parent You wonder why kids do the things they do Well, I said it before, and I'll say it once more Remember, Jesus was a teenager, too Mary wondered if he'd be okay But he turned out to be a super nice guy in every way He did, yeah. It's hard being a parent. It's the toughest job you'll ever do And it's the most rewarding, too Remember how they used to spit up on you? But don't worry. This'll pass, too. Yeah... [strums chord] It's hard being a parent.

Brick: Mom, Dad, Arlo and I have written a show for you.
Frankie: A show?
Mike: Uh, we're already kind of watching a show here, buddy.
Frankie: Mike, our child, who usually sits by himself and reads, would like to do a show for us with his one friend.
Mike: Oh, a show! Yeah. Sounds great.
Frankie: Mm-hmm.
Brick: Ladies and gentlemen, Brick and Arlo Productions presents... [dramatic voice] Alien Robot.
Frankie: [v.o.] We were prepared for the worst, but actually, it was kind of cute. It had a couple of jokes...
Brick: [robotic voice] Hello. I am an Alien Robot. I am here to learn about your planet.
Arlo: I don't see you on my schedule. [Frankie & Mike chuckle]
Frankie: [v.o.] And even a surprise ending.
Brick: I'm actually not a robot at all. I'm... you. [Mike & Frankie applaud]
Mike: Hey, nice job. That was actually good. [Brick and Arlo just walk off]

Sean: Mrs. Heck, you're looking fashionable this afternoon.
Frankie: Well, these are my cleanest sweats. What are you guys up to?
Axl: Trying to figure out which Ashley I asked to prom. Next.
Frankie: Axl, you don't know who you asked?
Axl: I had a system: go down a list of chicks, text 'em one-by-one, but you got me this cheap phone with tiny buttons, so I texted some random Ashley girl by mistake, who said yes, and I don't even know who she is. Way to go, Mom.

Sean: Let's see. No Ashley... No Ash-- Oh, wait. There's one more.
Axl: No! Weird Ashley? No way! I can't take weird Ashley to prom!
Sean: How was she even on your cell?
Axl: She tutored me for a couple weeks in math last year. I got a C, so not only is she weird, she's dumb, too. Ugh, I got to get out of this.
Frankie: Axl, what is wrong with you? How would you feel if some girl did that to you?
Axl: I don't know! How would I feel if dogs ran the planet? You're not making sense. Although, that would be pretty cool. Dogs in charge? Huh?

Frankie: Okay, look. You've already asked her, and she's already said yes. Taking her is the right thing to do.
Axl: Do you not get it? She's called "Weird Ashley" 'cause she's really weird.
Darrin: Yeah. I mean, it's in her name and everything.

Frankie: Well, I think you should give her a chance. You never know. Today's weird girl might be tomorrow's Tina Fey. Mike, have you been listening to this?
Mike: Uh, yes. That's why I came in, not just to get a beer. I don't know. I think he's still in the gray area on this. I mean, texting a girl to prom is truly moronic...
Axl: Thank you!
Mike: But it's still two weeks away. I think if he explains to this girl that he messed up, no harm, no foul.
Frankie: Well, I guess. As long as you explain what happened to weird Ash- To Ashley, kindly and with respect.
Axl: Cool. Next time I hit the can, I'll text her.
Mike: No, you won't text her on the can. You will tell her face-to-face like a gentleman.
Axl: Well, I don't have face-to-face. This stupid cheap phone doesn't even have a camera.

Sue: I mean, Samantha didn't have to compliment me, but she just did.
Carly: She sounds nice.
Sue: She is. She's nice. She's so nice. So... where should we sit?
Frankie: [v.o.] There's a clear pecking order in middle school, and nowhere is it more obvious than in the cafeteria. There's the A table. The B table. The C table. And the D table. So every day, Sue and Carly asked themselves the same question, and every day, they came up with the same answer.
Sue: Let's just walk around.

Frankie: [v.o.] With Brick's shows getting lamer and lamer, I didn't know how many more pretend grocery trips I could get away with, without at least coming back with some groceries. [phone rings]
Frankie: Can someone get that? Anyone? [answers phone] Hello?
Woman: [on phone] Hi. Mrs. Heck?
Frankie: Uh, look, if this is about the bake sale, I'm, um, making cookies even as we speak.
Woman: Actually, I'm calling about prom. This is Carolyn Wyman, Ashley's mom?
Frankie: Oh. Yeah? [Axl walks through the kitchen into the pantry]
Woman: She's so excited to be asked to prom, and I just thought we could coordinate in case Axl wants to match his tux or get her a corsage. She's already picked a very nice dress. [Frankie snaps her fingers at Axl] Uh-- Yeah-- Purple? Yeah, I'm sure Ashley will look very pretty in that color. [Axl tries to sneak out] I know, Axl is such a lovely boy. [Frankie throws a loaf of bread at Axl] Uh-huh. Yes. [Frankie grabs Axl by his t-shirt] That sounds perfect. Sure. Yeah. Uh-huh. [Axl's t-shirt rips] I have a camera. Yes... Yeah, can I call you back? Great, bye. [hangs up] Axl, get in here! [Frankie hits him with his t-shirt] Why is Ashley's mom calling me to coordinate prom?! You said you were gonna talk to her.
Frankie: Why is Ashley's mom calling me to coordinate prom?! You said you were gonna talk to her.
Axl: You know, it's your fault she doesn't know! You said I couldn't text, and doing it in person is hard. I'm very sensitive.
Frankie: Well, Mr. Sensitive, she already bought a purple dress, so you're taking her!

Axl: I can't! Not with the second wave about to crash. You know, when the hot girls break up with their prom dates and are back on the market, desperate to go with anyone. And that's where I come in. "Hello, ladies." [chuckles]
Frankie: Well, "good-bye, ladies," 'cause you already got a date. [chuckles]
Axl: Oh, my God! You care more about some girl you don't even know having a good time at prom than your own son!
Frankie: Are you my own son? Because I didn't know my son was a jerk!
Axl: Well, that's where you're wrong! You can't make me take her!
Frankie: Oh, sure I can. You're either taking Ashley to prom or you're not going.
Axl: Fine! I won't go.
Frankie: [gasps] Oh, you're going!

Frankie: [v.o.] So while Axl was trying to get out of something, Sue had spent the week trying to get in.
Sue: Okay. This time, I do a butterfly. I land briefly, say something clever, flit away.
[Sue walks over to a table]
Sue: Oh, hey. Tater tots. What's the deal with them, right? [laughs]