A selection of quotes from Mother's Day episodes of The Middle.
Frankie: [v.o.] So Mother's Day was here, and I woke up to a sound I'd never heard before... Silence.
Frankie: Mike? Axl? Brick? Sue?
Frankie: [v.o.] I didn't know what to do first. Read... Sleep... Ooh, watch Oprah... Ooh, maybe I'd even go to the bathroom without someone pounding on the door. Damn it. Don't have to go. Since I accidentally borrowed a few People magazines from my last dentist visit, I decided to read. And then I remembered something, I'm blind. But when I went to the junk drawer for my glasses, stupid thing was stuck. But you know what? Not a problem. I had a whole free day ahead of me, and I'd been wanting to fix that drawer for weeks. An hour later, I was done. Now I just had to put the giant screwdriver back where it belonged, and the rest of the day was mine.
Frankie: Oh, there's that flashlight. [sighs]
Frankie: [v.o.] So I decided to go through the batteries because you gotta have a flashlight in the house with batteries. But when I went to put it in Mike's nightstand, it was stuck, too. And then I found something you never want to find in your husband's nightstand. Something I couldn't ignore. An unpaid gas bill.
Frankie: [on the phone] Billing! Billing! I pressed "4." I want to talk to a human. Human! Yuck.
Frankie: [v.o.] And then after defrosting the freezer and scotchgarding the winter shoes, I don't even know how I ended up here.
Frankie: Crap. [pulls watch out of the toilet] Oh, no!
Frankie: [v.o.] It can't be 7:45! This can't be happening. I blew my whole Mother's Day.
Mike: How could we forget Mother's Day again? I count on you guys to remember this stuff.
Axl: How was I supposed to know it's even on a Sunday this year? I'm not a calendar.
Mike: All right, what's with the getup?
Frankie: What, this? Oh, just enjoying some of my past Mother's Day gifts... My awesome yellow pants, my "First Mom on the Moon" t-shirt, and, of course, my macaroni necklace that says, "To mom, love Keira." I can only feel bad for Keira's mom. Who knows what she got?
Mike: Okay, I get it. I get it. We may not have always hit it out of the park, but I got plenty of time this year to get it right. When is Mother's Day?
Frankie: Sunday. And my mom's coming down, so it better not be lame.
Mike: Oh, not a chance of that. If anything, I'm worried it's gonna be too good, so just be prepared to get everything you want. What exactly do you want?
Frankie: [scoffs] You suck. My Country 'tis of Tea... You know the little tea place we pass by and I always say is so cute? Well, I heard that they are having a proper afternoon tea for Mother's Day. Finger sandwiches and cloth napkins. It's gonna be very classy and very elegant, and that's what I want.
Sue: Well, I'm sorry. If you guys wanted to be alone, why didn't you just say so?
Pat: It's really hard, Sue. It's really hard to say you don't wanna be with your family on Mother's Day. It's really hard to say you don't wanna dry your own fruit.
Frankie: You didn't like your dehydrator?
Pat: It's ridiculous. I'm gonna go buy $4-a-pound grapes and spend hours turning them into 99-cent raisins? Use your head.
Frankie: [v.o.] Mike's right. Mother's Day is sort of a made-up holiday. It doesn't always live up to the hype. And that's what led me to create a new holiday, one that's turned out to be one of my favorites. I call it The Day After Mother's Day.
Waitress: Can I get you anything else?
Frankie: No, I'm so good.
Frankie: [v.o.] Mother's Day is for them. The Day After Mother's Day is for me. It's kind of like Father's Day for mothers.
Sue: I feel horrible. I just love Mom so much. She deserves the best Mother's Day ever.
Mike: Yeah, well, that ship has sailed. Now we got three days to slap something together that doesn't suck. What does your mom like?
Sue: She likes driving us places.
Axl: And doing our laundry and stuff.
Brick: And making us soup.
Mike: No, she doesn't. Whose mom are you thinking of?
Frankie: [sobs] I had a horrible Mother's Day!
Mike: What are you talking about? You said you had a great day.
Frankie: I lied. I couldn't find my glasses, and I shoved the spatula in the stuck drawer, and the freezer was all crusty, and I just frittered away the whole day. The whole day! And you guys had the best day ever in Brown County!
Mike: Oh, no, no. It wasn't that great. It was-- It was hot. And it was crowded 'cause there were so many moms there. [Frankie wail]s No, that's not what I meant. Uh, we didn't have fun because we all missed you.
Frankie: Oh, please! Look at this picture. You have never been happier. It's as if you had the Mother's Day you would've had if I were dead!
Mike: No, Frankie, stop it. You know what? We can have another Mother's Day, okay?
Frankie: Yeah, next year.
Mike: No. No, next weekend. We can all go back to Brown County and we can do it all again with you. How's that sound? Think you might stop crying if we did that?
Frankie: I think I might.
Frankie: So listen. Mother's Day's coming up. What's the deal? What's going on? What do you know?
Brick: Hmm. I don't know anything, but I'm pretty low on the information food chain. Maybe Dad already got you something.
Frankie: Yeah. I heard that story. Not buying it. Look, I know you're the smart one. That's why I'm coming to you. You're the only one I'm talking to about this. Here's the deal... for once, I just want what I want. I don't need breakfast in bed, I don't need eggs spilled all over my comforter, I don't want a book of hug coupons, and I don't want a card written on the back of an old receipt. I want the Backmaster 2000. It's at Brickstone. It's $40. And I want the one with the heat and the infra-red rolling balls. What do you say?
Brick: [whispers] Rolling balls.
Frankie: Good boy.
Frankie: [v.o.] My Mother's Day was right on course. I had choked down some runny eggs, burnt waffle and old fried bologna. Who would've thought old bologna would be the star of that show?
Frankie: [v.o.] With all her friends getting their driver's licenses, it was a pain even fro-yo couldn't cure.
Sue: [mouth full] Hey, Mom. Can I talk to you for a sec?
Frankie: Oh, good, Sue. I wanted to talk to you, too. Listen, Mother's Day is this weekend, and I know your dad hasn't planned jack squat. That's why I'm coming to you. You're the girl. You're the only one who gets it. Now I want the Backmaster 2000 from Brickstone. And I want it in yellow. It's $40, and it comes with heat and infra-red rolling balls. You got it? Good.