Brad: I'm sorry, Sue. I just have to get this off my chest. I'm gonna confess that I'm a little envious I didn't get tapped.
Sue: Oh, Brad. No, it's where you work. It is really hard to make your mark at The Great Hot Dog Adventure. I mean, how are you supposed to shine when you're only working with three condiments?
Brad: I know! I did graduate magna cum relish from hot-dog college. How does that not put me on the radar at Chop Suey U.S.A.?
Sue: I didn't even think about that. Sue-y. It has my name in it. Ooh, it's like a sign!
Brad: You know, I bet it's because I dropped that gallon of mustard. Everybody saw it. It's those damn free hand-lotion samples at Crabtree & Evelyn. How can you not try them? Anyway, this is about you. Go on.
Sue: As much as it scares me to go into international cuisine... You know, I got lean in... to Chinese. I am gonna work at Chop Suey U.S.A.
Brad: Oh! Oh! And you get to wear the polo shirts with the golden dragon coiled around the American flag. [Sue gasps] I am officially peanut butter and jealous.

Sue: It's just so hard to know what to do. Not only that, I said I would tell her by tonight. I mean, of course I am flattered to be wooed. Who wouldn't be? And then there's the salary... they're offering four figures.
Brad: What?
Sue: $10 an hour.

Mike: No, it's a tradition. When I turned 21, my dad told me to come help him move some manure. But when I got there, he took me out for a beer instead.
Axl: Why didn't you just ask me to have a beer?
Mike: 'Cause that's not the thing.
Axl: I don't get it.
Mike: You think you're coming home to work, and then you don't. You know, it's... it's a surprise. It's whimsical.
Axl: But you don't like surprises.
Mike: I know. And I'm not liking them a hell of a lot right now.
Axl: Hold on. So you didn't actually move manure?
Mike: No. There was no manure. But when my dad told me to come help him move manure, I damn well ran over there to help him move some manure. I didn't say I would and then send somebody else.
Axl: Was there or wasn't there manure?!
Mike: There wasn't! The point is, if there was manure, I would have moved it.

Frankie: [v.o.] Yep, Brick was younger than me, but he didn't realize who he was dealing with. I had... what did I have?
Brick: I don't even understand what I'm supposed to be doing. [Frankie sighs] What do you want? Do you want an opening sentence? A conclusion? Who's gonna be reading this?
Frankie: I don't know! What did I say? Something about respect. Just do it!
Brick: I don't even know what that means. My teachers know to give me well-defined parameters for any writing assignment.
Frankie: Look, it doesn't have to be a complete paper. Just make a list. 25 reasons why you should respect your mom. Now, I'm gonna go watch The Bachelor, and I want this done before they get to Puerto Rico. [Brick sighs]

Frankie: [v.o.] Some people dread birthdays, but I say you got to celebrate every one. It was Axl's 21st... a pretty momentous occasion. [Frankie blows out the candle on the cake alone] So, Axl was at the age when he didn't come home for birthdays anymore, but I was fine with it. I'd accepted it. I spent the whole day just leaving him alone.
[montage:]
Frankie: [sings on card] We are family... It's Mom. Call me!
Frankie: [sending a text] "Hi, Axl. Just wanted to make sure you got the gold-toe socks I sent for your birthday."
Frankie & Sue: [sing into phone] Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday, dear Axl
[At a party in their dorm room, Kenny hands Axl a cell phone:]
Axl: Hello?
Frankie: Oh, hey, Axl! I called Kenny 'cause I was having trouble reaching you. Not that I worry. You're 21 now, but still. You're always gonna be my baby. Anyhoo, you know how I like to tell you the story of your birth. Well, right about this time, I was pushing you out of my body. Yeah, I just thought I had to poop, but it was you.
Axl: Oh. Mom, I'm a little busy.
Frankie: Yeah, well, sure. Sure. Have fun. Oh, wait. Did you get the so... [Axl hangs up]

Sue: I mean, when a fast-food Chinese place in the mall comes after you, obviously, it's flattering. On the other hand, Spudsy's took a chance on a newbie with no food-court experience.
Frankie: I don't know, Sue. We're getting kind of sick of potatoes around here. I'd go Chinese, just to shake things up.
Brick: Hmm. I don't know. Gonna be hard to beat the authenticity of Don's Oriental.
Sue: But now that Spudsy's has a self fixin's bar, the work is a lot less challenging. I mean, I used to build potatoes. I was a potato engineer. Civilians can't do what we do... we took a 30-minute class.
Mike: Hey, potato engineer, where's the bacon bits?
Sue: [sighs] I think some of them are down my bra. I got to go change.

Mike: [on the phone] It won't take that long. You'll have time for your friends.
Axl: Well...[scoffs] Can't Mom and Brick do it? Or just get Mom mad. She has superhuman strength. She tore my door off the hinges. She's like a bear.

Sean: Hello, Mr. Heck. I'm here to help.
Mike: Well, we need a lot of help. What, uh, kind of help are you talking about?
Sean: With the freezer. Axl called and said you needed a hand and that he's got something going on this weekend, so you get me.
Mike: What? [chuckling] No, no, no. Axl's moving the freezer.
Sean: It's not a problem. I'm in town anyway helping my Nana vacuum-pack her winter sweaters and take them up to the attic. Besides, you're like a second dad to me. I'd do anything for you.
Mike: Well, I'm Axl's first dad, and I need my first son to get his lazy butt home to help out.
Sean: Mr. Heck, have I done something to upset you? Was it 'cause of that time you were out of town for a few days and I came over and mowed your lawn without asking?
Mike: No. Sean, you're great. A little messy around the bushes, but feel free to mow again in the future. You're not the problem here. It's somebody else. [Doris whining]
Sean: I'm sorry, Doris. I can't take you back to my house. This is your home now. [Doris howling]
Mike: Sean, just go.

Mike: Well, it's not great, but it's different.
Frankie: Mm. I should've poured the oil off instead of mixing it in. I'll know next time.
Sue: Ugh, my stomach is killing me, but maybe it's all the guilt. She cornered me in the parking lot and slipped me the bag. God, what if somebody from Spudsy's saw me? I just don't know what to do. This is a major life decision. Ooh! Maybe my fortune cookie will tell me.

Brick: Look, Mom, I brought my bowl. Happy?
Frankie: Okay, you know what? Next time, just do it without the snark. You think you can do that?
Brick: Nobody likes you.
Frankie: I'm sorry. What did you say?
Brick: Nothing.
Frankie: Oh, no, no, no. I heard something. You said, "Nobody likes you."
Brick: Why did you ask me to repeat it if you heard it?
Frankie: For your information, a lot of people like me. Nancy Donahue likes me. Paula Norwood likes me. Most cashiers like me. You know what? I don't need to prove anything to... your grandma likes me!
Brick: Okay, I was wrong. You're very popular.
Frankie: O-okay, you know what? That's it. Now you're just being disrespectful. You're gonna go to your room, and you're not getting dessert.
Brick: Fine. I wanted to go to my room anyway.
Frankie: No, you didn't. Yeah, you probably did.