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Food Courting

‘Food Courting’

Season 6, Episode 20 -  Aired April 15, 2015

Mike is unhappy when Axl doesn't want to come home to help him move an old freezer after celebrating his 21st birthday. Frankie fears Brick is turning into a mini-Axl since he turned thirteen. Meanwhile, a rival restaurant tries to lure Sue away from Spudsy Malone's.

Quote from Brad

Brad: I'm sorry, Sue. I just have to get this off my chest. I'm gonna confess that I'm a little envious I didn't get tapped.
Sue: Oh, Brad. No, it's where you work. It is really hard to make your mark at The Great Hot Dog Adventure. I mean, how are you supposed to shine when you're only working with three condiments?
Brad: I know! I did graduate magna cum relish from hot-dog college. How does that not put me on the radar at Chop Suey U.S.A.?
Sue: I didn't even think about that. Sue-y. It has my name in it. Ooh, it's like a sign!
Brad: You know, I bet it's because I dropped that gallon of mustard. Everybody saw it. It's those damn free hand-lotion samples at Crabtree & Evelyn. How can you not try them? Anyway, this is about you. Go on.
Sue: As much as it scares me to go into international cuisine... You know, I got lean in... to Chinese. I am gonna work at Chop Suey U.S.A.
Brad: Oh! Oh! And you get to wear the polo shirts with the golden dragon coiled around the American flag. [Sue gasps] I am officially peanut butter and jealous.


Quote from Sue

Sue: It's just so hard to know what to do. Not only that, I said I would tell her by tonight. I mean, of course I am flattered to be wooed. Who wouldn't be? And then there's the salary... they're offering four figures.
Brad: What?
Sue: $10 an hour.

Quote from Mike

Mike: No, it's a tradition. When I turned 21, my dad told me to come help him move some manure. But when I got there, he took me out for a beer instead.
Axl: Why didn't you just ask me to have a beer?
Mike: 'Cause that's not the thing.
Axl: I don't get it.
Mike: You think you're coming home to work, and then you don't. You know, it's... it's a surprise. It's whimsical.
Axl: But you don't like surprises.
Mike: I know. And I'm not liking them a hell of a lot right now.
Axl: Hold on. So you didn't actually move manure?
Mike: No. There was no manure. But when my dad told me to come help him move manure, I damn well ran over there to help him move some manure. I didn't say I would and then send somebody else.
Axl: Was there or wasn't there manure?!
Mike: There wasn't! The point is, if there was manure, I would have moved it.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: [v.o.] Yep, Brick was younger than me, but he didn't realize who he was dealing with. I had... what did I have?
Brick: I don't even understand what I'm supposed to be doing. [Frankie sighs] What do you want? Do you want an opening sentence? A conclusion? Who's gonna be reading this?
Frankie: I don't know! What did I say? Something about respect. Just do it!
Brick: I don't even know what that means. My teachers know to give me well-defined parameters for any writing assignment.
Frankie: Look, it doesn't have to be a complete paper. Just make a list. 25 reasons why you should respect your mom. Now, I'm gonna go watch The Bachelor, and I want this done before they get to Puerto Rico. [Brick sighs]

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: [v.o.] Some people dread birthdays, but I say you got to celebrate every one. It was Axl's 21st... a pretty momentous occasion. [Frankie blows out the candle on the cake alone] So, Axl was at the age when he didn't come home for birthdays anymore, but I was fine with it. I'd accepted it. I spent the whole day just leaving him alone.
Frankie: [sings on card] We are family... It's Mom. Call me!
Frankie: [sending a text] "Hi, Axl. Just wanted to make sure you got the gold-toe socks I sent for your birthday."
Frankie & Sue: [sing into phone] Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday, dear Axl
[At a party in their dorm room, Kenny hands Axl a cell phone:]
Axl: Hello?
Frankie: Oh, hey, Axl! I called Kenny 'cause I was having trouble reaching you. Not that I worry. You're 21 now, but still. You're always gonna be my baby. Anyhoo, you know how I like to tell you the story of your birth. Well, right about this time, I was pushing you out of my body. Yeah, I just thought I had to poop, but it was you.
Axl: Oh. Mom, I'm a little busy.
Frankie: Yeah, well, sure. Sure. Have fun. Oh, wait. Did you get the so... [Axl hangs up]

Quote from Sue

Sue: I mean, when a fast-food Chinese place in the mall comes after you, obviously, it's flattering. On the other hand, Spudsy's took a chance on a newbie with no food-court experience.
Frankie: I don't know, Sue. We're getting kind of sick of potatoes around here. I'd go Chinese, just to shake things up.
Brick: Hmm. I don't know. Gonna be hard to beat the authenticity of Don's Oriental.
Sue: But now that Spudsy's has a self fixin's bar, the work is a lot less challenging. I mean, I used to build potatoes. I was a potato engineer. Civilians can't do what we do... we took a 30-minute class.
Mike: Hey, potato engineer, where's the bacon bits?
Sue: [sighs] I think some of them are down my bra. I got to go change.

Quote from Axl

Mike: [on the phone] It won't take that long. You'll have time for your friends.
Axl: Well...[scoffs] Can't Mom and Brick do it? Or just get Mom mad. She has superhuman strength. She tore my door off the hinges. She's like a bear.

Quote from Sean Donahue

Sean: Hello, Mr. Heck. I'm here to help.
Mike: Well, we need a lot of help. What, uh, kind of help are you talking about?
Sean: With the freezer. Axl called and said you needed a hand and that he's got something going on this weekend, so you get me.
Mike: What? [chuckling] No, no, no. Axl's moving the freezer.
Sean: It's not a problem. I'm in town anyway helping my Nana vacuum-pack her winter sweaters and take them up to the attic. Besides, you're like a second dad to me. I'd do anything for you.
Mike: Well, I'm Axl's first dad, and I need my first son to get his lazy butt home to help out.
Sean: Mr. Heck, have I done something to upset you? Was it 'cause of that time you were out of town for a few days and I came over and mowed your lawn without asking?
Mike: No. Sean, you're great. A little messy around the bushes, but feel free to mow again in the future. You're not the problem here. It's somebody else. [Doris whining]
Sean: I'm sorry, Doris. I can't take you back to my house. This is your home now. [Doris howling]
Mike: Sean, just go.

Quote from Sue

Mike: Well, it's not great, but it's different.
Frankie: Mm. I should've poured the oil off instead of mixing it in. I'll know next time.
Sue: Ugh, my stomach is killing me, but maybe it's all the guilt. She cornered me in the parking lot and slipped me the bag. God, what if somebody from Spudsy's saw me? I just don't know what to do. This is a major life decision. Ooh! Maybe my fortune cookie will tell me.

Quote from Frankie

Brick: Look, Mom, I brought my bowl. Happy?
Frankie: Okay, you know what? Next time, just do it without the snark. You think you can do that?
Brick: Nobody likes you.
Frankie: I'm sorry. What did you say?
Brick: Nothing.
Frankie: Oh, no, no, no. I heard something. You said, "Nobody likes you."
Brick: Why did you ask me to repeat it if you heard it?
Frankie: For your information, a lot of people like me. Nancy Donahue likes me. Paula Norwood likes me. Most cashiers like me. You know what? I don't need to prove anything to... your grandma likes me!
Brick: Okay, I was wrong. You're very popular.
Frankie: O-okay, you know what? That's it. Now you're just being disrespectful. You're gonna go to your room, and you're not getting dessert.
Brick: Fine. I wanted to go to my room anyway.
Frankie: No, you didn't. Yeah, you probably did.

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