- Main Characters
- Big Mike
- Aunt Edie
- Nancy Donahue
- Reverend TimTom
- Mr. Ehlert
- Rita Glossner
- Sean Donahue
- Dr. Goodwin
Quote from Swing and a Miss
Lexie: So, uh, is he still dating April?
Sue: Ugh. I don't know what's going on with them. They got married, then divorced, now they're dating. It's weird.
Lexie: Huh. So, are they, like, exclusive?
Sue: [scoffs] God, Lexie, you sound like my friends in high school who used to like... [gasps]
Lexie: Don't make me say it.
Sue: Don't say it.
Lexie: I don't want to say it.
Sue: Don't say it.
Lexie: I like Axl.
Sue: No, you said it! [crying]
Quote from Swing and a Miss
Sue: Okay, Lexie and I are all packed and we're heading back to school. I feel bad, though. I think we Hecked up Lexie.
Lexie: [coughing] [congestedly] Thank you again for letting me stay here. It was a super-fun week... five stars on Trip Advisor!
Frankie: Aww, well, it was great having you, Lexie. Come anytime. Our house is your house... or at least a much smaller version.
Lexie: [sneezes] Oh, is... is Axl around? I wanted to say goodbye.
Brick: No, he left. He said Spring Break '17 will go down as the most pathetic in history and he was ashamed to be a part of it.
Lexie: Um, my throat's closing up, so I'd better go. [coughing]
Quote from Halloween VIII: Orson Murder Mystery
Lexie: Wow, my eyes aren't itching. I think I've been here enough times to finally build up a tolerance to your house.
Quote from Exes and Ohhhs
Lexie: Is that my dress?
Sue: Oh. Yeah. Remember how you said I could borrow anything in your closet? Well, I have the Chancellor's Ball to go to, so hope you don't mind.
Lexie: Please. What's the point of having a formal-gown collection if you can't share it with friends?
Quote from Mommapalooza
Axl: Look, hopefully someday my balance will eventually reach a non-embarrassing level, but I will never be a big baller like your dad, with four different vacation houses.
Lexie: He just bought a ranch, but it's tiny. It doesn't even have a motor court.
Quote from Great Heckspectations
Lexie: I smell like unlimited baked beans and my feet are killing me.
Axl: Rough day at the Cattle Prod?
Lexie: They had a special... four steaks for $8. I had a party of eight people, so I ended up carrying a tray with 32 steaks on it. Well, 29 after I slipped on that puddle of Thousand Island.
Axl: Well, allow me to be the first to welcome you to the world of poorness and its never-ending string of crappy jobs.
Lexie: It's just having a job makes you so busy. I can't do anything I want to do anymore, like gold-dust facials, or closing my eyes and ordering things off Amazon just to see what I get.
Quote from The Man Hunt
Lexie: Well, you seem to be handling it really well.
Sue: Yeah. You know what? I am. I mean, sure, I liked having Logan as my imaginary boyfriend, but I think he stopped me from really putting myself out there. I mean, I'm in college. I am supposed to be having fun and meeting all different kinds of people. And I haven't really been doing that. I haven't really let people know that I'm available.
Lexie: Totally. In high school, I dated the same guy all four years, and I missed out on a ton of stuff. His dad owned an island, and every time my friends wanted to go out, I was like, "I can't. I have to go to the island."
Quote from The Lanai
Sue: Oh, my God, Lexie. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Lexie: That our flat-screen would go great up on this wall?
Sue: Oh, it so would. But no. We can't take this room from her. Look at her. She's literally shuffling.
Lexie: Well, my grandma shuffles, and she loves life.
Sue: Poor thing. I just feel really bad for her.
Lexie: I know, but it's not like we asked for a better number. That's just how it worked out. Besides, they say that dealing with struggles in life builds character. Like this one time, we were supposed to have a penthouse, and we got stuck in a beach villa with only one infinity pool.
Sue: I don't know any of the words you're saying.
Quote from A Tough Pill to Swallow
Lexie: I can't believe this is really happening. That you're really leaving. What are you gonna do now?
Sue: I don't know. Move back home. Work at Spudsy's. Cry a lot.
Lexie: This can't be the end. Did you try calling your lawyer? What about your parents' business manager?
Sue: Oh, Lexie. I'm gonna miss that.
Quote from True Grit
Sue: Oh, my God. I have read the same sentence three times. This room is driving me crazy. Seriously, Lexie, I can't concentrate with the noise of that stupid trash chute. Not to mention the smell when somebody throws up in it.
Lexie: Come on, this is college, Sue. We're roughing it, doing it on our own. That's why, when my dad offered to put us in a super-fancy apartment at Gumford Falls, I said, "No, Daddy, it's time for this Daddy's little girl to grow up."
Sue: Is it, though?