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Season 1, Episode 1 -  Aired September 30, 2009

Frankie's job is on the line as she hasn't sold a car yet. Meanwhile, Sue wants to try out for show choir, and Brick keeps telling Frankie she's his hero.

Quote from Brick

Brick: You have a meeting with my teacher Monday.
Frankie: What?
Brick: It's imperative that you both be there, she says. [whispers] Imperative!
Mike: Who's he whispering to? Why does he do that? I thought I told you to knock that off.
Brick: I like it. It soothes me.


Quote from Frankie

Frankie: Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? Oh, damn it. Come on! Can you hear me?
Frankie: [v.o.] Some people call this the middle of nowhere... You know, one of those places you fly over on your way from somewhere to somewhere else, but you wouldn't live here.
Airline Steward: Folks, right now we're flying over the great state of Indiana, if you'd like to take a look. [nobody looks]
Frankie: [v.o.] Well, look down next time, and you'll see us down here in the middle... Orson, Indiana, heart of the heartland, proud home of Little Betty Snack Cakes, the demolition derby for the homeless and the world's largest polyurethane cow. So how'd I end up in the middle of the road in this getup?
Frankie: Here? No. Bars! I got bars.
Frankie: [v.o.] Guess it all started a couple of weeks ago, and no, I'm not an actual superhero, not unless you count getting my kids out the door for school every morning.

Quote from Mike

Frankie: When did this happen? Mike, look at this. Look at this. This is- I haven't had my driver's license picture taken in seven years, okay? Here's the old one. Look at this. What happened to me?
Mike: Uh, well, back then you were all young and shiny and wondering what your life's gonna be. And now... Well, now you know.

Quote from Mike

Mrs. Rettig: Well, that may be because you haven't spent much time here in the classroom.
Mike: Are we supposed to? I mean, isn't that the point of school. That between 8:00 and 3:00, he's your problem? If he, you know, eats his napkin at dinner, we don't call you and ask you to come over to our house. [chuckles]

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: I made breakfast! Come on, we're late! Let's go, let's go!
Frankie: [v.o.] That's my youngest, Brick. You know how you think giving a kid a cool name will make him cool? It doesn't.
Frankie: Okay, now listen. Today at recess, I don't want you wandering around alone on the perimeter. All right? It makes you an easy target, you know? Like- Like the gazelle that gets separated from the pack. You've gotta find yourself a group of kids and just stand near them.
Brick: You know you're my hero, right, Mom?
Frankie: Thank you, honey. Eat your pancake.
Brick: It's still frozen.
Frankie: Well, lick it. It'll last longer.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: Sue, grab a pancake. We're late.
Frankie: [v.o.] That's Sue. She's been going through a bit of an awkward stage... for the past 13 years.
Sue: Mom, the dryer ate my leg warmers again.
Frankie: I told you, you can't put wet things in the dryer anymore.
Sue: Well, I need 'em, 'cause... guess what? I'm trying out for show choir this week.
Frankie: [v.o.] I know, I know. That's not an expression parents should have on their faces when their daughter tells them she's trying out for something. But see, Sue had a long history of things she tried out for. A long and painful history.

Quote from Axl

Frankie: Hey, Mike, have you seen that envelope with my driver's licence from the D.M.V.? I need it for work. Why is this place such a mess?
Axl: [groans]
Frankie: [v.o.] That one over there would be Axl. Since he hit 15, he hibernates in his room and only comes out to paw through our food and shoot off sarcastic comments.
Axl: Oh, we're out of chips. Nice job, Mom.
Frankie: Yeah, I can't hear you if you don't have pants on.

Quote from Mike

Frankie: Mike, does it ever bum you out that I'm not young and shiny anymore?
Mike: Well, sure, honey. It's a huge bummer, but what are you gonna do?

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: [v.o.] That driver's license picture was a big wake-up call from the D.M.V. Somehow the life had been sucked right out of me. But who or what had sucked it?
Sue: Mom!
Axl: [mocking] "Mom! Mom! Mom!"
Sue: Mom, he's not giving my bag back! Mom!
Axl: "Mom!"
Sue: Mom!
Brick: Mom!
Frankie: We did teach 'em the word "Dad, " didn't we? [Mike chuckles]

Quote from Mr. Ehlert

Mr. Ehlert: Ain't nothing wrong with the check, Frances. That there is your base salary, and that's what it's gonna stay until you sell a car and get a commission. Now one week left in the month. You sell a car, or you may be out on your keister.
Frankie: [sighs] Yeah. Yeah. I, um... but listen, I mean, my keister's having a little cash flow problem right now. I may not have sold a car yet, but I've come real close.
Mr. Ehlert: See that buck up there? He came real close to not being hit by a bullet. You see what I'm saying? By the way, did you ever get a new driver's license?
Frankie: Oh.
Mr. Ehlert: We gotta post them, and that old one didn't look a thing like you. [Frankie hands him her new license] Oh, yeah. Now that's you.

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