Frankie: [v.o.] So that night, I deleted all my Facebook aliases. And Sue was sadly unfriended by Jill Munroe, Sabrina Duncan, Julie McCoy, and Chrissy Snow. But on the upside, she did get 102 likes on one of her pictures... [picture of Sue with Brick's bunnies and kittens] Not that it matters.

Frankie: [v.o.] While Axl had a lifetime to figure that out, Mike was stuck spending what felt like a lifetime listening to my dad.
Tag: I'm telling you, Mike, there's no such thing as a bad baked potato. Any man that tells you different is a jackass.
Tag: Don Rickles is a funny man. That's all there is to it.
Tag: Two words: glucosamine chondroitin.
Tag: Once a month, whether you feel like it or not, just to know it's still workin'.
Tag: Mexicans - sweetest people you'll ever meet.
Tag: Always release a test fart if you can.
Tag: [points to his teeth] Real, real, fake, real, fake...
Tag: And that's why I can never return to the Panama Canal.

Sue: Hey, Mom, guess what. I was just checking on the response to my status update, and I have this new friend on Facebook, some girl named Jill Munroe.
Frankie: Wow. Really? That's great.
Sue: I know, right? And underneath where I said we went to the movies, she commented, "OMG. Sounds super fun. Could you be more gorg in your profile pic?" Sweet, huh? Anyway, I'll let you guys sleep, but I just wanted to share the latest. Night! [exits]
Frankie: What? I... [sighs] Fine. So maybe I made up a fake name and friended her. So what?! It's not illegal.
Mike: Jill Munroe? Farrah Fawcett's character from Charlie's Angels?
Frankie: Oh, so you can't remember our anniversary, but you got that locked in.

Mike: Sounds like Sue and the girls are having fun out there.
Frankie: What's the point if I can't post any of it on Facebook?
Mike: [sighs] Okay. Repeat that again slowly so I know just what to tell the doctors when I have you committed. [Frankie groans] Seriously? You wanna know the point? The point is, they're all having a great time.
Frankie: But no one will know.
Mike: Who cares? They know. What is going on with you lately, Frankie?
Frankie: [sighs] I don't know. It's just that Sue's such an amazing person. I want everyone to see how amazing she is.
Mike: She is the same person she was two weeks ago before you started poking around on her Facebook. Now you're all caught up in who's looking at her page and who's commenting, and none of it's real. None of it means anything. You're letting other people define who Sue is to you.
Frankie: Maybe I can't handle Facebook.
Mike: "Maybe"? Look, Frankie, Sue is gonna be fine. No, she's gonna be great.
Frankie: You're right, you're right. Oh. If you had a "Like" button, I would click it right now.
Mike: Don't know what that means.

Frankie: [v.o.] Yep, social media causes a lot of problems, but in the end, it does have its uses.
Frankie: Hey, it's Sunday. I thought you'd be with my dad.
Mike: Nope. I found him some new friends to talk to. 49 of them, to be exact.
Tag: [broadcasting on the Internet] I said it to Dukakis when I met him, and I'm gonna say it you: Don't avoid swimming just 'cause you're afraid to put on a bathing suit. And if you're gonna go to a public pool, for God sake, shower shoes. Without your feet, you got nothing. Your feet are the hands of your legs. You also got to...
Mike: I like this, Frankie. I like it a lot.
Tag: [broadcasting on the Internet] Wait an hour after you eat before you go in swimming. But I say if it's not the internet, it's the real thing.

Mike: So...
Tag: So?
Mike: So wh- What was it you wanted to talk to me about?
Tag: You ever read that book Tuesdays With Morrie?
Mike: No. Don't think I have.
Tag: Every Tuesday, this Morrie fella meets with a former student of his, and he tells him his life stories and his wisdom and so on before he dies.
Mike: Oh, God.
Tag: So clear your schedule, Mike, 'cause unlike Morrie, I ain't dyin'. I've got loads of time.

Mike: Okay, that was weird.
Frankie: That applies to so many things in this house, you're gonna have to be more specific.
Mike: Your dad wants to have lunch with me tomorrow at Stuckey's.
Frankie: Okay, that is weird. Why?
Mike: I don't know, but apparently I gotta drive an hour and a half to find out.
Frankie: Wow. I hope nothing's wrong. Do you think somebody's sick? [gasps] You know, he did have those things frozen off his head a while back.
Mike: See, this is why I never pick up the phone. Nothing good comes of it.

Axl: So what's your plan here?
Brick: I figured I'd wait till they mature a little more and then release them into the wild.
Axl: You can't just throw domesticated bunnies back into the wild, Brick. They don't know what to do! They don't know how to climb a tree to get an apple, and they can't outrun a pack of angry cows. Come on, use your head!
Brick: I will if you will.

Mike: I don't wanna talk about it.
Frankie: What? [gasps] Hold on. Is everything okay? He's not sick, is he?
Mike: Worse. He read Tuesdays With Morrie.
Frankie: Oh. [gasps] Oh! [laughs]
Mike: It's not funny, Frankie. He wants me to drive down there every week to hear his stories. Every week!
Frankie: Aw! I think it's sweet he wants to share with you.
Mike: Do you? Do you, Frankie? Then maybe you should go, 'cause my life is wrecked now.
Frankie: Look, if you're so miserable, just tell him you don't want to do it.
Mike: I can't do that. You can do that with your own family, not the one you married into. You got off easy. My dad's a hoarder who never wants to leave the house or talk to anybody.
Frankie: And I am thankful for that every single day.

Mike: So I didn't read the book, but I assume the guy ends up shooting Morrie? Oh, hang on. Here's something interesting.
Frankie: Yeah, he was never in the circus, Mike. He took one clown class during the war.
Mike: No. After this whole section about foot maintenance, your dad writes, "Always look a man in the eye and tell him the truth." He feels very strongly about it.
Frankie: Hmm.
Mike: This is it, Frankie. I'm gonna use his words to break out of here. It's like Shawshank. I found my way to the sewer!