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‘The Table’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

The Middle: The Table

604. The Table

Aired October 22, 2014

After Frankie and Mike's 20-somethingth anniversary slides by, they are both excited by the purchase of a surprisingly low-priced dining room table Frankie saw online. Axl and Hutch realize they need roommates to pay the bills in their house. When Darrin presents Sue with a necklace that is "the key to his heart", she realizes it's not the unique token of love she thought it was. Meanwhile, Brick begins hosting a podcast all about fonts.

Quote from Axl

Axl: Dude, like, how many different things do we have to write checks for? Why is there even a gas bill? Hmm? You don't put gas in a house. It's not a car.
Hutch: What about water? Why should we pay for that? Stuff falls out of the sky for free.
Axl: Yeah. They're making money off God. That's just wrong.


Quote from Brick

Brick: [into microphone] Check, check. Hello? Hello?
Frankie: You're not trying to face-time the president again, are you?
Brick: No. That's ridiculous. I'm starting my own podcast.
Frankie: Hey, that could be fun.
Brick: It's for the people who are interested in fonts.
Frankie: Oh. Well, why don't you do that and the president thing and see who answers first.
Brick: [into microphone] Hi. I'm Brick Heck, and this is... "The FontCast"... Or "Footloose and Fontsy free." Still working on the title. Feel free to call in with suggestions. Today's topic is the raging debate of font versus typeface and Times New Roman's place in all of it. And then, in our last segment, we'll get into the issue of kerning, which, for those of you who don't know... [chuckling] As if... is the spacing between characters. Now, this is a very hot topic inside of the font community...

Quote from Brick

Frankie: Hey, Brick. How's the podcast going?
Brick: I got to tell you, it's a real grind. You got to churn out show after show after show.
Frankie: Haven't you only done like three?
Brick: Yeah. Show after show after show.
Mike: What are you doing it for, then?
Brick: Well, I do it for the fan. Without the fan, I'm nothing. You'd better finish up that vacuuming. I'm gonna have a hot mic in a minute. We're talking Garamond today. How am I gonna get fired up for that?

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: It's dollhouse furniture, Mike. That's why it was only 50 bucks. I mean, who on earth pays 50 bucks for doll furniture?
Mike: Apparently, we do. [Frankie sighs]
Mike: Frankie, how'd this happen?
Frankie: Hey, you're the one who said, "get it."
Mike: Wasn't there a picture?
Frankie: Yes... That made it look like a regular table in a regular room. I mean, come on, that is not how you take a picture of a doll table. This is how you take a picture of a doll table. You take a table. You take a pen. You put them next to each other. The person looking at the picture says, "Oh, this table's only as big as a pen. I can't have Thanksgiving dinner on it."

Quote from Frankie

Sue: You know what happened with me and Darrin.
Frankie: Mm-hmm.
Sue: Uh, but I'm thinking I might have overreacted a little, so I-I wanted to write him a poem or a letter or something to apologize, but I-I'm feeling kind of stuck. You and Dad have been in love way longer than me. How would you describe love?
Frankie: Oh. Uh... Well, let's see. What is love? Uh, well... It's like when you're young and you see a sweater in the store window and you're so excited and you just gotta have it. And you get it and you wear it all the time and it's so amazing. But after a while, the sweater starts to get ratty and smell, but you still love it. And people say, "Why don't you get rid of that old thing?" But you keep on wearing it 'til eventually it starts losing its shape and it's sagging in places. But what are you gonna do? It's your sweater.
Sue: Maybe I'll just write down my favorite lines from The Fault in our Stars and I'll put it on his windshield.
Frankie: Good call.

Quote from Brick

Brick: [into microphone] And remember... any more than three fonts in the same document, and you're just showing off.
Frankie: Hey, you doing your...
Brick: Shh. So, in conclusion, it's with a heavy heart that I announce that this will be my final FontCast. When I started on Monday, I was a different person. That first show was an incredible high, the second was a little less so, and by the third, well... I was just going through the motions. I've always said when I didn't have the joy anymore, I'd walk away. It wouldn't be fair to you, the fan, to keep going. I just want to thank you for allowing me into your home for the better part of a week. I leave you with this... Your choice of font says more about you than the words it's written in. If you're feeling bold, always italicize. And don't be afraid to let your freak font fly. I'm Brick Heck, and it has been my honor. [shuts laptop] [voice breaking] That was a little harder than I thought it'd be.
Frankie: Oh, hey, you were on longer than a lot of font shows. The important thing to remember is... [doorbell rings] [gasps] My table!

Quote from Mike

Mike: Well, I hope you kept the number of this place 'cause I'm getting them on the phone right now and they're taking this back.
Frankie: Oh, you don't think I tried that? It did not go well. For people who make tiny furniture for the pleasure of children, they're real douche bags.
Mike: [sighs] Well, guess there's only one thing we can do. We got to replace the rest of our stuff with tiny stuff, or this table is gonna look ridiculous.
Frankie: [laughs] Oh, Mike, I'm sorry. I was dumb. I was so dumb!
Mike: Eh, it's not your fault. It's both of ours. We tried to find joy, and the universe clearly does not want us to have it.
Frankie: I just wanted something nice for a change.
Mike: I know. Well, someday we'll learn.
Frankie: How to be happy?
Mike: No... to stop trying.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: And you know how I'm always saying the dining room is so dark and claustrophobic?
Mike: Sure, let's say I do. [sighs]
Frankie: Well, this was maple. I mean, it would just lighten the whole room. It reminds me of something that would be in that movie with Diane Keaton, where she's the writer and she writes and cries at that desk with her glasses on. Oh, you know the movie.
Mike: No idea.
Frankie: Yes, you do. Anyway, there was this table in that movie, and they were always laughing around it and eating on plates with candles, and the whole house just seemed so fresh and beachy. Of course, it was actually at the beach, so that probably did...

Quote from Brick

Brick: When are you guys gonna be done with the computer? I have to do my FontCast. The second show is very important. My fan is counting on me.
Axl: Brick, we're busy! I don't think the world's gonna miss your nerdcast for one day.
Brick: Fine. I'll just run my "best of yesterday," but I trust you two will answer the angry letter.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: [v.o.] Out here in the middle, there are a lot of two-job families. In our case, we're about a four or five-job family.
Frankie: [on the phone] Okay, you are all booked to Rapid City, South Dakota. [Mike changes his work uniform] Now, we know you have a choice in air travel, so we appreciate you flying with us. Yes, I know we're the only carrier that flies there. Look, it's just something we gotta say, okay?
Frankie: [v.o.] Mike and I were like two ships passing in the night... Two tired, rusty, "should started a college fund" ships.
[Mike holds up an envelope reading "Happy Anniversary". Frankie tries to gesture a message to Mike, but he just shrugs his shoulders.]

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