Mike: I thought you just saw them.
Frankie: Exactly. "Them." He's never alone. It's always him and "Ap-ril."
Mike: You got to stop saying her name like "Ap-ril."
Frankie: Look, I have been trying with April. I really have. Like, just today, when we were waiting for Axl to buy sneakers, I thought it'd be nice to take her for ice cream. So I order mine. And then when the guy asks her, "What do you want?", she says... get this... "Oh, I don't like ice cream." Who doesn't like ice cream? It's in the song... "We all scream for ice cream." It's not, "Some people scream and other people just watch you like you're a big pig 'cause you got three scoops."
Mike: You got three scoops?
Frankie: [scoffs] I didn't have breakfast today.
Mike: Yeah, you did.
Frankie: Well, I didn't have a big one.
Mike: Yeah, you did! You finished Brick's.
Frankie: Okay, I'm on a new vitamin that makes me hungry! Look, the point is, I love our son. I mean, he's so handsome, and he has twinkly eyes and street smarts, and if you take away his horrible disrespect for us and the fact that he likes to lay around in his underwear, he is quite a catch. I'm sorry. I think that he could do better than April. See, I said it normal that time.
Mike: I can't see your face.
Frankie: Can you see my finger?

Mike: Why the hell would you agree to do Thanksgiving at 8:00 in the morning?
Sue: Yeah, Mom. Why?
Frankie: Why? I'll tell you why. 'Cause I'm the Boy Mom. That's why. I am fighting for scraps here. I got no cards, no chips. I take what I can get. And what I can get is fourth place behind April's parents, her great aunt, and Grandma Tee-Tee. So if April says that Thanksgiving dinner's gonna be at 8:00 a.m., I say, "Thank you, ma'am. I'll see you then!" And that's the way it's gonna be from now on.
Sue: What does that mean?
Frankie: It means that if they get married, do you think I'm gonna have any say in what color I wear at the wedding? If she says yellow, I'm wearing yellow. And when they have a baby, her mom gets first pick at the cute grandma names, like "Meemaw" and "Glamama."
Mike: You're getting a little ahead of yourself.
Frankie: Am I? When Betty Horrigan's son was getting married, she told her daughter-in-law she didn't like the calligraphy on the wedding invitations. That was 10 years ago. Now Betty has to hide in the woods to watch her grandson play soccer.
Brick: I still think you caved too early.
Frankie: Oh, do you think that, Brick? Well, I'll tell you what I think. I think this is April's world and we're just living in it! She's the gatekeeper now.

Frankie: Don't you see? If April's here, she's gonna want to be in the picture.
Mike: Okay.
Frankie: No, it's not okay, Mike. This is a family Christmas picture, and she's not family. It simply isn't done. I won't have it.
Mike: Why are you talking British?
Frankie: If she tries to get in the photo, what are we gonna do, Mike? What are we gonna do? We don't have a plan in place for this. We don't have a plan for how we want to handle this.
Mike: We don't have a tornado plan. Why don't we start with that?

Brick: Dad, you got to talk to Sue. She's all over me at work. We were introducing the new Feliz Navi-Spud and she wouldn't let me salsa any of them. The handbook said salsa distribution was at the operator's discretion.
Mike: Why do you want to be working with your sister, anyway? The whole reason you go to work is to get away from your family.
[later, as Mike reads the newspaper in the kitchen:]
Sue: Dad, you have to talk to Brick.
Mike: I would, but I'm going to work.
Sue: But wait. But it's Saturday.
Mike: Is it? [door closes]

Brick: Sue. Look, I get it. You don't want me here. Spudsy's is your turf, and I waltz in here like I've been around potatoes my whole life. Of course you would feel threatened.
Sue: What? No, I'm not.
Brick: Then why are you always on me?
Sue: 'Cause I'm responsible for you, Brick. Okay, yes, it's true. I didn't want you here. But it's just because it's exhausting watching and worrying about you all the time.
Brick: Who said you had to watch me?
[flashback to Sue and Brick walking out of the house over the years:]
Frankie: [o.s.] If you're going to the park, watch your brother!
Frankie: [o.s.] Before you get in the pool, watch and make sure he takes the rocks out of his pockets!
Frankie: [o.s.] Watch him at the hamburger place! Last time, he ate a wet nap!

Brick: [pokes head through hole in the wall] Tough day at the office?
Sue: Ugh. Yeah. I'm exhausted. It's already picking up for Thanksgiving, and we're short-staffed. Andy got fired. He kept asking female customers if they wanted smokehouse bacon. It doesn't sound inappropriate, but if you heard the way he said it, you'd understand.

Sue: It's always been my job to watch out for you. I guess it's just a hard habit to break.
Brick: Yeah, but I'm in high school now. I have a friend. I have a girlfriend. I have a font club. I never want you to stop looking out for me. It's just I think maybe you can step back a little bit 'cause... I got it.
Edwin: Where'd all the bacon bits go?
Brick: Oh. I ate them.
Edwin: What?
Brick: Oh. You said I could have a shift meal.
Edwin: You ate five pounds of bacon bits?
Brick: My mom ate my breakfast.
Edwin: You are a freaky little dude.

Brick: Spudsy's is hiring?
Sue: Yeah, but Edwin is really picky. I don't understand what's so hard. A monkey could do it.
Brick: I could do it.
Sue: Oh. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, Brick, this isn't Hot Dog on a Stick. It's real food preparation. There's microwaves involved. You couldn't do it.
Brick: You just said a monkey could it.
Sue: [inhales] I meant a highly trained monkey. Like the ones in commercials with special talents. Like wearing a man's suit and picking up the phone, pretending to be a stock broker.
Brick: Sue, I need cash. Cindy wants a Fitbit for Christmas.
Sue: Yeah, I just don't think you're right for the job. There are real safety hazards. We work with hot cheese.
Brick: Let me say this again. Cindy wants a Fitbit, and when Cindy doesn't get what she wants, Brick doesn't get what he wants. Reading time.

Mike: Mmm! That smells good. What is it?
Frankie: It's not ours. It's the Donahues'. You have to go in at it from the side. See? You just lift the crunchy layer and you leave the corners underneath so there's support. Just scoop it out from the middle.
Mike: Mm-hmm.
Frankie: And then you lay the crunchy layer back down like a little granola blankie.
Both: Mmm!
Frankie: Does this taste better 'cause it's wrong?
Mike: It tastes better 'cause we didn't make it.

Brick: Big news. I'm...
Frankie: You got the job!
Brick: That was kind of my news, Mom. Big news! I...
Sue: You got the job?
Brick: Does no one in this house understand showmanship?