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‘The Hose’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

The Middle: The Hose

405. The Hose

Aired October 17, 2012

Frankie gets on the wrong side of her neighbor, Rita Glossner (Brooke Shields), when she is accused of stealing the Glossners' hose. When Sue takes a peek at Mike's paycheck, she is shocked at how little the family is earning. Meanwhile, Brick wants to avoid learning about the birds and bees in school, so Axl fills in him on all he needs to know.

Quote from Sue

Mike: Hey. So I was just wondering, who exactly decided you couldn't go on this trip?
Sue: I saw your paycheck, okay? [gasps] I am so, so sorry. It was just sitting there on the desk, a-and they didn't lick the sticky part, so it was open, and I looked, and I saw how much you make, and my trip costs too much money. I don't wanna go!
Mike: What? Sue, what are you talking about?
Sue: I know you don't get paid a lot of money. A-and I am a horrible person because I am always asking for stuff, and Mom doesn't have a job, and you work all the time, and our TV has a weird, squiggly line down the middle. But just last week, I had Mom buy me a "Girls Rule the World" pencil case. I am so selfish!
Mike: Sue, you're not selfish. You're a normal kid.
Sue: But I already know girls rule the world. So do I really need to read it on a pencil case? It's like I am just throwing money away!

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Quote from Brick

Brick: Well... The nurse made us watch a movie where a boy kept running around a track. It was boring, so Dillon Murray made an inappropriate shadow puppet, and everybody giggled and the nurse yelled at us.
Mike: Yep, sounds about right.
Brick: Then when she put the movie back on, the boy took a cheerleader roller skating and bought her some ice cream. After he got home, he took a long shower, and a doctor told us not to feel bad about our urges. Then the girls came back in and they had little pink gift bags that we didn't get. That doesn't seem fair.
Frankie: Well, at least you got through it.
Brick: Not really. They're making us have a follow-up discussion next week. When does all this sex stuff end?
Frankie: It... tapers off.
Brick: Okay. Well, I guess I'll go look at your bras now. I'm not sure why, but apparently, it's totally normal. And you guys are always after me to be normal, so...

Quote from Brad

Brad: Mr. Heck, how are you?
Mike: Fine. Sue, your friends are here!
Sue: [o.s.] Be out in a minute!
Carly: Brad and I are taking Sue to the mall, but don't worry, we're not gonna spend any money.
Brad: Because things don't make you happy. People do. But if Sue wants a Fro-Yo, I can pay for it with the money I made juggling at the Ren Fair this summer. That's short for "renaissance."
Mike: You don't have to explain everything.
Brad: Oh! I almost forgot. I come bearing gifts. For Brick, some of my favorite hand-me downs. For Mrs. Heck, the Ali MacGraw yoga workout. It's like an antidepressant in a VHS tape. And for you, Mr. Heck, a hug. [hugs Mike]

Quote from Brad

Mike: Hey, Sue! You don't want to keep your friends waiting! Anyway, uh, it's nice of you guys to get Sue out of the house. She's been kind of down since they told her that the mascots can't go on that trip.
Carly: What? Yeah, they can.
Brad: No, I think you're wrong, Carly.
Mike: You know what? Uh, you guys go on ahead. I gotta talk to Sue about something.
Brad: Okay, but remember, Mr. Heck, I'm not just her friend. I'm here for you, too, 24/7. Tweet me. We can also Facebook, Skype, G-Chat. You want me to write this all down?
Mike: I'm good.

Quote from Sue

Sue: Turns out I won't need it after all. I'm not going.
Frankie: What? Why not? Did the trip get canceled?
Sue: Uh, they decided mascots weren't allowed anymore. Oh, well.
Frankie: Really? And you were so excited. What happened?
Sue: Uh, yeah. Apparently they had some concerns. Uh, it's really hot this year. Mascots are dropping like flies, and they think we distract from the music. Also, they're really worried about mascot safety, because too many hours in the giant head can hurt your spine. That's actually a big one. I should have said that one first.

Quote from Brick

Rita Glossner: Where are you both sneakin' off to?
Frankie: Just going to the dentist to get my tooth fixed.
Rita Glossner: I did that once on a cop's belt.
Frankie: [laughs] That's really funny. Well, we should go. Nobody to watch him, so he's gotta come with me. Not that our house is empty right now.
Rita Glossner: I know where my hose is.
Brick: [chuckles nervously] We don't. Whoop. [whispers] Whoop. I'm lying.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: Car salesman? There's a class for that? Guess I should have taken it.

Quote from Rita Glossner

Rita Glossner: My hose. You took it. Now what am I supposed to do, wait for the rain to fill up my pool?
Frankie: I don't know what you're talking about. I don't have your hose.
Rita Glossner: Right. I seen you casing my house, walking by, staring at me.
Frankie: No, no. I was just... looking. N-not even a look. Just a glance. Just 'cause we didn't know you were back in town.
Rita Glossner: You've been gossiping about me behind my back?
Frankie: No, no. No one did that. We were just wondering, you know, a-about your kids.
Rita Glossner: You got no business wondering about my kids. My kids were fine. People was looking in on 'em.
Frankie: Good. Good. That's responsible. Looking in. Hey, you know, m-maybe you should ask one of them about your hose. Maybe one of your boys has it.
Rita Glossner: You think my kids stole it? Is that what you're hinting at?
Frankie: No, no. I-I never said "stole."
Rita Glossner: You know, I ought to punch your boobs in. But I won't, 'cause I'm a lady. But if that hose ain't back in my yard by tomorrow, I'm gonna rain fire down on your house.
Frankie: Well, I won't be able to put it out! 'Cause I didn't take your hose!

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: She can't really rain fire, can she? I mean, she'd have to be Zeus to pull that off.

Quote from Brick

Frankie: Are you kidding me? Brick, where did you get this?
Brick: Oh, I took it from the Glossners.
Frankie: What?! And the whole time I've been talking about the hose that Rita thinks I stole, you didn't say anything?
Brick: Oh, I thought you were talking about panty hose.

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