Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Meet The Parents’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

The Middle: Meet The Parents

903. Meet The Parents

Aired October 17, 2017

Frankie and Mike meet Lexie's parents, Bennett (Gregory Harrison) and Tammy (Lisa Rinna). Meanwhile, Brick is excited to participate in the "Sophomore Slammer" fundraiser as he waits patiently for the shenanigans he expects from his sophomore year.

Quote from Sue

Sue: Ah! Brick, I got your text! I came as fast as I could!
Brick: Hi, friend! Good to see you, friend. Thanks for bailing me out. I haven't seen you since we ate French fries at the designated meeting location while watching ribald videos on the Internet and talking about our other friends we have.
Sue: Oh! Oh, right. I am a good friend bailing out my good friend from the Sophomore Slammer. That is what I am here to do. And so on and so forth and what have you.
Principal Cameron: Wait a minute. I know you. You're Ana Hajarajanaan. Welcome back!
Sue: Uh-huh. That's right. I am Ana Hajarajanaan, and it is nice to be back. You ready to go, Brick?
Brick: Mm-hmm.
Principal Cameron: All right, just pay the bail money and, uh, we will put a bullet in this thing and go home.
Sue: Oh, I don't have my wallet. Oh, wait. I forgot. I do have $5. I really don't need that fancy coffee or the fluffy pom-pom you can hang on your purse.
Principal Cameron: And... that puts an end to the weekend. But before you know it, I will be back in the morning to dress up with the Vice Principal as Crockett and Tubbs for '80s week. Only seven more years till my student loans are paid off.


Quote from Sue

Sue: Okay, come on, Brick. It's gonna be okay.
Brick: I have no evidence to support that theory.
Sue: Okay, look. I'm gonna tell you something that may surprise you but it's the truth. Sophomore year isn't what you think it is. There is nothing special about sophomore year. I don't even know where you heard it was. It isn't. No one ever in the world thought that. In fact, it's probably the least exciting of all the years.
Brick: What?! Then why did I break up with Cindy?
Sue: No one knows.
Brick: I thought this was supposed to be a pep talk. It isn't very peppy thus far.
Sue: Look, you're better off than me. I never even saw the Sophomore Slammer. Remember that dinner where I kept looking out the window and I was so sad I was using the curtains to dry my tears?
Brick: Can you be more specific?
Sue: The point is, that was Sophomore Slammer weekend, and I never even got to the school. You want to know the good thing about you and me? We may not be arrested, but we never stop believing we could be arrested. You realize I'm using arrested as a metaphor for good things like friendship, marriage, and success in our respective careers.
Brick: Yeah, I got that.

Quote from Mike

Mike: [sighs] Look at this.
Frankie: I am looking at it. I've looked at it all 400 times you've dragged me out here to look at it. It's a mud pit.
Mike: We got to take care of this.
Frankie: Hey, you're the one that wanted to get rid of the pool. And you should know... never move anything in this house because what's underneath is gonna be way worse.
Mike: Look, it's gonna be a hard winter. I got to get this thing tilled, I got to bring in dirt and seed, maybe put down some sod...
Frankie: Why are you talking like a farmer?

Quote from Frankie

Mike: We got to get to it this weekend, Frankie. Can't wait any longer.
Frankie: Well, it'll have to. We're going up to Sue's for parents' weekend.
Mike: [sighs] So pick some other day then.
Frankie: [sighs] How about Thursday?
Mike: All right. Be out here with your boots on.
Frankie: Oh, that's not the day we're doing it, that's the day we're picking a day to pick a day to do it.
Mike: Finally. Feels good to get something done.

Quote from Brick

Brick: Well, the sophomore hijinks are finally starting to kick in. I was starting to think that sophomore year wasn't going to be everything I'd seen in books and movies, but, boy, was I wrong. Things are poppin', whirrin', and a-crackin'.
Frankie: Okay, I'll bite. Why are things poppin', whirrin', and a-crackin'?
Brick: 'Cause I'm about to be arrested. See, the sophomore president organized this fundraiser where classmates come and arrest you, lock you up at the school, then your friends come to bail you out. It's called the Sophomore Slammer. And all the money goes to charity... Hoosiers for Head Injuries.
Mike: Just to be clear, they're against 'em?
Brick: I didn't ask, but I'm assuming they are. Anyway, this is a serious charity. It's proven that people with head injuries have a lot of trouble later in life.
Axl: Hello! Oh, my pants are on backwards. [chuckles] I was wondering why I had to tie 'em in the back.
Brick: Well, I'm off the prepare for my big weekend. It was definitely a good move to break up with Cindy so now I'm free to participate in all these sophomore shenanigans.
Axl: Worst mistake of his life.
Frankie: Dumb as hell.

Quote from Sue

Lexie: So, how'd it go today?
Frankie: Oh, well, it was something. We walked through every day of Sue's classes... even though Monday, Wednesday, and Friday are all the same.
Sue: Mm-hmm. It was amazing. We got ice cream in the quad, had a picnic in the gazebo, Dad got an "F" on his parents' Econ quiz. I think the only thing we missed was that beer tasting.
Mike: Yep.
Axl: When you guys came up for me, the only thing we used to do was go to my football game.
Mike: Yep.
Sue: Isn't it so great how much more time we have now that you don't have to sit in front of some boring football game all day?
Mike: Yep.

Quote from Mike

Frankie: You seemed to be really hitting it off with Bennett.
Mike: Eh... I don't know.
Frankie: What do you mean you don't know?
Mike: Can't put my finger on it, but... I wasn't impressed.
Frankie: You weren't impressed? How could you not be impressed? Did you see his teeth?
Mike: I just wasn't, okay?
Frankie: No, it's not okay. Give me one reason why you weren't impressed.
Mike: [sighs] Okay, fine. I didn't like it when he ordered fried pickles for the table.
Frankie: But you loved the fried pickles.
Mike: I did, but I don't think people should order for the table... it's a power move.

Quote from Mike

Frankie: Oh, you're nuts. Give me another reason.
Mike: How about I give you a "thou."
Frankie: What?
Mike: A "thou." He was telling me how I should get a smoker. You know, it would only cost me a couple thou. He's on a nickname basis with thousands of dollars.
Frankie: Okay, they might be rich, but they weren't throwing it around in an obnoxious way. And anyway, how cool was that move when Bennett went to the bathroom and picked up the check?
Mike: Power move.
Frankie: No, it wasn't. It was classy. I mean, he went to the bathroom, and it was taken care of. You couldn't even argue about it, it was done. Not like when we go out with our friends and Bill Norwood pulls out a calculator to tally up how much everybody got. And Bennett even made a joke about it, "Oh, we'll pick up the cheap one, you'll get the expensive one." You don't really think they'd do that, do you?

Quote from Sue

Mike: Hey, Sue, come here. Here's, uh... here's $5. Why don't you get yourself one of those fancy coffees.
Sue: What? Why?
Mike: Eh, no reason.
Sue: Really? I don't have to change a tire or crawl under the house to check a leak?
Mike: No.
Sue: Oh, my God! $5! Mom! Dad just gave me $5! $5! [laughs]
Mike: Sue, it's not that...
Sue: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! I am gonna go get a fancy coffee right now! Wait. Does it have to be a fancy coffee?
Mike: No. That was just a suggestion.
Sue: I can get anything?! Oh, but what? I know. I am gonna get a package of those mini umbrellas to make my smoothies festive. Or an off-brand fidget spinner. Or five things from the 99-cent store and still have a nickel left over!
Mike: That's good, I'd do that.
Sue: Quick, before I spend it, someone get a photo of Dad giving me the $5 for the scrapbook!

Quote from Mike

Mike: I'll tell you why I don't like that guy.
Frankie: Who?
Mike: Bennett. Richy rich, Bennett.
Frankie: What? What are you talking about? Bennett's great. They're both awesome. Hey, they're a fun couple who like us, so please don't spoil it by showing them the real you.
Mike: It doesn't bug you at all that he abandoned the Colts for the Patriots?
Frankie: [laughs] No. Why would it?
Mike: Because that's not the way it works. You're born the fan of a team, and you stay a fan of that team until you die... good or bad. How would you like it if I pledged my allegiance to you in marriage and then just gave you up for some winner? You know what I mean. It goes to character. He's just slick. That's what I was picking up at dinner.

Page 2 
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode