Mike: Why don't you just pay 'em, Frankie?!
Frankie: I got money! Who likes money? Well, congratulations, Takayuki! You wanted to see America? You're seeing it. This is an American family. Yeah, we yell and fight, we eat bad food, we watch too much TV, and we bribe our kids.
Brick: Not all of them.
Frankie: Give it a rest, Brick. [sighs] Maybe you're horrified by all of this. Or maybe you're not. I don't know. Who can tell? I'm just... I'm done. So just go on. Go back to Japan and file your report and tell 'em all what crappy ambassadors we are.

Frankie: I don't know what you watch at your house, but we have all kinds of great shows here... The Bachelor, Bachelorette, Say Yes to the Dress, Ace of Cakes.

Frankie: You guys were right. Takayuki's a dud. We got ripped off.
Axl: Duh.
Brick: Told you.
Sue: That's what we've been telling you.
Mike: He's no hummus. What are you drinking?
Frankie: Nancy's Esteban made it. He's been cooking, dancing, teaching them games. They're getting this amazing global experience, and we're hiding from ours in the bedroom.
Brick: Dog's looking better and better, isn't it?
Frankie: I wanted a cultural exchange, and instead I get another sullen teen. I mean, what's with his parents, sending him over here? I would never saddle some poor Japanese family with Axl.
Axl: Hey, I would totally rage in Japan.

Frankie: [v.o.] What is the perfect American family? Who knows exactly? I do know, out here in the middle, it's something we all strive for.
Frankie: Get your heads out of your butts and move, people! We are not gonna be late for church again!
Frankie: [v.o.] Yeah, we're still striving.
Sue: I am sick of this, Axl! You are always moving the arrow to my name.
Axl: It's your turn! It was my turn to load the dishwasher yesterday.
Sue: Yeah, but Mom brought home pasta bread bowls, so actually we ate the dishes, so that makes it your turn, so... ha!
Axl: But it's not my fault that Mom's too lazy to cook, so it's not my problem, it's your problem. Oh! Swoosh! Nothin' but net. Game over. [imitates buzzer]
Sue: [groans]
Axl: [groans]

Frankie: Oh, great. Now Brick's in the front seat. He probably seconds away from putting the car in gear, so go. Go!
Sue: Ugh!
Mike: Did you remember to take the car in? That warning light's on again.
Frankie: Yes, I remembered, but I didn't do it, 'cause I called the exterminator, and it's your turn.
Mike: Nope. It's your turn, 'cause I fixed the garbage disposal, and I'm buried at work right now.
Frankie: Well, where do you think I go every day? I'm not coming home beaten down and dejected from the spa.

Reverend Hayver: And if you're looking to help others, and God hopes you are, we still need host families to place foreign exchange students.
Axl: [elbowing Sue] When you load the dishwasher, I didn't rinse any of my plates, so you got some really nasty scraping ahead of you. [chuckles]
Frankie: [v.o.] Normally Sue would let things slide and just take it, but it was her time of the month...
[flashback to Sue at the orthodontist]
Frankie: [v.o.] The time when she gets her braces tightened.
Axl: [Sue pulls Axl's ear] Aah!
Frankie: Mike.
Mike: [slaps Axl's head] Love your sister.

Frankie: Listen, guys, that was the reverend, and he says there's a bunch of foreign exchange students still available.
Mike: I'm sure there are.
Frankie: Remember at church today? I was talking to Nancy Donahue, and she...
Mike: Oh, man.
Frankie: And she said it's a very rewarding experience that makes kids more tolerant. And our kids could use some more tolerance, Mike, and guess what? There's a kid in Japan who would love to come to Indiana.
Axl: Why?
Mike: A foreign exchange kid? I don't know, Frankie. We have enough trouble paying attention to the kids we have.

Sue: Do we get to exchange someone? 'Cause I vote for Axl.

Brick: I'm in. This is way better than the dog you wouldn't let me get. Can we name him "Rex"?

Frankie: Guys, guys, it's not about that. This is about us hosting someone, making a difference. We'd be like a pebble that makes a tiny ripple that becomes this wave. A wave that starts in Orson and becomes bigger and bigger all the way to Japan.
Mike: Those big waves are called "tsunamis"... And they don't like them.