‘The Final Final’
Season 8, Episode 22 - Aired May 9, 2017
Frankie, Mike and Brick notice their luck has changed after the Prairie Scouts accidentally paint the Donahues' house number on their curb. Axl buckles down and actually studies for once as his final final approaches. Meanwhile, Sue admits to Brad that she feels her sophomore year in college has been a disappointment.
Quote from Sue
Sue: I don't know. It's just, like, every year at the end of the year, I look back to see how well I completed the goals I set for myself, but this year, when I look back, it just feels like the year was kind of "meh."
Brad: Wow, this is serious. I've never heard you "meh" about anything.
Sue: I know, right? But the "meh" kind of fits. I almost got kicked out of school for not paying. I didn't join any new clubs. I broke up with two guys. Maybe it was my fault because I didn't label it. I mean, my second Year of Sue was my best Year of Sue, and my first was my second, so I thought this would be my first, but it turns out it's my third. Actually, you know what? I can't even call this a Year of Sue. If I had to label it, I would call it a Sue Sue So-So Sophomore Slump.
Quote from Axl
Axl: Dude, I mean it. It got to focus. My poli-sci final is the last of the time slots. It's Friday at 3:00.
Hutch: Oh, man, that's cold. Hey, since when have you cared about finals?
Axl: Since it's the final final of my entire school career. After this, I am never taking a test again. Except those Internet quizzes to find out which Power Ranger I am. So I want to go out strong. So I've been studying like I've never studied before. 'Cause I have never studied before.
Hutch: No, you have not.
Axl: I had no idea there were all these great ways to remember stuff. You know, highlighting, study groups, reading the material. I just really want to do well. It's a matter of pride, so could you maybe, I don't know, just show a little respect?
Quote from Mike
Frankie: Okay, now, come on, Mike. You got to admit it. There are forces at work here. Ever since we've had the Donahues' address on our curb, it's been one good thing after another. I want to hear you say it. We got the Donahues' good luck.
Mike: I'm not saying anything. It's superstitious nonsense.
Frankie: Oh, really? Says the guy who believes that by clutching a magical Colts towel, he can help them win a game.
Mike: Hey, hey, hey. That is sports. That's an energy transfer from a towel to a team. Completely different thing. They've done studies. Enough people holding a towel can alter the course of a game.
Frankie: Okay, fine. Then, if you don't believe there's some cosmic force at play... Here. Go repaint the curb. Go ahead. Do it.
Mike: Look, I don't know what's causing it. All I know is there's a playoff game tonight and a Godfather marathon tomorrow, so why don't you fire up that microwave and nuke me some food?
Quote from Axl
Frankie: [v.o.] Axl was so desperate, he did something he had never done before. He persevered.
Axl: That's right, I'm still here! You hear me, Kepley? I'm not going! Got to let me take that test. I have to graduate! [thunder crashes] Oh, are you kidding me?! Fine! Bring it! I've been thirsty anyway! Rain, baby, rain! You don't understand! I've worked for this my whole life. For some kids, school comes easy, but not for me. I never studied this hard for a test in my whole life. What are you trying to teach me anyway? Hard work doesn't pay off? What kind of sick teacher are you? I know this stuff! I swear! The North Atlantic Treaty was signed April 4, 1949, as an act of collective defense against foreign invaders. The signers were the United States, Italy, Canada, Norway, Denmark, Portugal, Iceland, and the five nations of the Treaty of Brussels... United Kingdom, France, Belgium, the Netherlands, and, uh... Agh! Damn it! What is it? Um... Oh! Luxembourg! Yes! [laughs] Come on! Let me take the test! People think I should. Everyone thinks I should take this test! "Let him take the test! Let him take the test!" Even this little worm. He's saying... He's saying it... "Let him take the test. Let him take... the test."
Professor Kepley: Fine. Come to my office tomorrow at 10:00. But you've got to get an 85% or you're not graduating. 75%. [door closes]
Axl: [chuckles] Yah-ha-ha-ha-ha-hess! Yes! [laughs] Yah-ha-ha-hess!
Quote from Mike
Mike: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Frankie, why we getting HBO? You didn't upgrade our cable, did you?
Frankie: Yeah, I did it when I was having the Bentley detailed.
Mike: Let's see what else we're getting. [sexy music plays] Hey-o. Yeah. We're getting all the channels.
Frankie: Well, I don't know why. I certainly didn't order them.
Mike: I wonder if we're getting... No way.
Frankie: What? What?
Mike: We're getting NBA League Pass.
Frankie: Ooh. I wonder if we get Hallmark Movies and Mysteries.
Mike: That will remain a mystery 'cause I'm not changing the channel. It might go away.
Quote from Axl
Lexie: Whoo-hoo! I'm done! Oh! Let's go celebrate. Take me somewhere fun.
Axl: Lex, I can't. You know I got to study.
Lexie: What? You were serious about that?
Lexie: But I'm not gonna see you all summer.
Axl: It's just one more exam. I promise we'll have time to hang before you go on your fancy Caribbean yacht trip.
Lexie: It's not a yacht. It's just a 75-foot catamaran. And it's not like we have a whole crew or anything. It's just the captain, the purser, and the chef. That's it. And for breakfast, we're totally on our own.
Axl: Mm. Well, just so you know... When you pour your cereal, you tilt the box like this.
Lexie: Okay, okay. Go study. I don't want to get in your way.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: Are you freaking kidding me?
Mike: What, is it the power company again? We've done everything short of paying them.
Frankie: No, the Prairie Scouts put the wrong number on the curb. They came by yesterday. I gave them 5 bucks to redo it, and they put the Donahues' number instead of ours.
Mike: Why'd you let them take us for 5 bucks? The old number looked fine.
Frankie: Well, they said it needed to be brighter so that emergency vehicles could see it at night. You know those Prairie Scouts and their scare tactics.
Mike: I guess you better get them back here.
Frankie: How the hell do you track down Prairie Scouts? We're just gonna have to fix it ourselves.
Mike: Put it on the list.
Quote from Brad
Brad: Judge, I object! I submit this year's been fun.
Sue: Has it? You crapped out at NYU. You got food poisoning three times. And your roommate is in ROTC, and you're scared of him.
Brad: Also slightly attracted to him.
Sue: Face it. Things are kind of sucky. We're not going back to Dollywood because "Ramblin' Jack's Banjo Review" wanted to go in a "different direction," which apparently just means a direction away from us. I am gonna be working at Spudsy's all summer, and you're gonna be doing hot-tar roofing with your dad.
Brad: How has "whoo-hoo" gone to "boo-hoo" so quickly?
Lexie: [enters] Whoo-hoo!
Brad: Save it.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: The microwave is working without holding the hair dryer up to it. It hasn't done that in years!
Brick: Mom, you won't believe this. I have the best news. Cindy just got back from her doctor. He believes she's stopped growing!
Frankie: [gasps] Wow. [both chuckle] What's going on? I mean, free premium channels, the microwave's working, you have a topped-off girlfriend. [gasps] You know what this is? Mike, you know what this is?
Frankie: No. Don't you see? All these good things are happening because we have the Donahues' number on our curb. The universe is confusing us with the Donahues.
Mike: You're nuts.
Frankie: No, I'm serious. You think this is a coincidence? We've never had three good things happen to us on the same day ever.
Brick: Or one.
Mike: That's not the way the universe works, Frankie. We're all born with a crap sandwich. Some people get a big one. Others get a small one. You eat your way through it, and then you're dead.
Frankie: Oh, yeah? Okay, fine. I'll prove it to you. [sniffs milk carton] Ha! Not rancid.
Quote from Frankie
Brick: I'm getting hungry. What are we doing for dinner?
Frankie: Oh, sorry, Brick. I didn't even think about it. I've been microwaving popcorn all day.
Brick: Well, can we order something? I'm starving.
Mike: Me, too.
Frankie: [mouth full] Yeah. Me, too.