A collection of quotes featuring Sue's favored source of advice on issues affecting teenagers, kickinitteenstyle.com
Frankie: Sue, are you okay?
Sue: No, not at all. All of a sudden, Matt's turned into the world's worst kisser.
Frankie: What do you mean?
Sue: Out of nowhere, he puts his... his tongue... into... my mouth. Oh, my God. What is that? Who does that?
Sue: I can't help but feel bad for him. It's like he totally forgot how to kiss. I mean, what place does a tongue have in kissing? What should I do? I mean, I don't want to embarrass him, but he has to be told. [gasps] Wait. I think I saw something on kickinitteenstyle.com on how to tell your boyfriend he's a bad kisser. I'm gonna go check it out.
Frankie: [v.o.] I really need to talk to Sue more.
Sue: You know, I went on kickinitteenstyle.com and took the "Rate Your Assignment Partner" quiz, and you are a "severe collaboration limitation."
Axl: With no due respect, I disagree.
Sue: I thought you might say something like that, so I also ranked you on the sibling scale, and guess what? You're a "bummer brother." So... yeah.
Axl: Whatever. This whole thing is lame. Except kitchen floor hoops, which I just invented, and is totally awesome.
Sue: I know you fancy yourself some kind of rebel, Axl, but sometimes in life, you just have to follow the rules. I put on sunscreen an hour before going outside. I wait till the bus comes to a complete stop before standing. You don't think I would love to fill up on bread? I would. But that's not how the world works. The rule of this project is that you and I take the allotted two weeks and do it together. And that's just what we're gonna do, mister. 'Cause a "D" might fly in Ax Land, but it doesn't work in Sue City. And not the one in Iowa. The one right here.
Jenna: Hi. I'm looking for...
Sue: Sue Heck? Well, look no further, 'cause you found her. I'm your mentor! [screams]
Jenna: Hey. Great to meet you. Jenna Taylor.
Sue: I know... Which is why I "Taylor" -made this binder for you. "Sue's tips for Sue-cess." Sit. This is chock ful of inside scoop to help you get through your freshman year. Notice I did not call it "frosh" year. Nobody calls it "frosh." I learned that one the hard way. So how about we dive right in? We have... Stuff to try out for, locker room dos and don'ts, funny things to say when you fall down the stairs.
Jenna: Wow. There lot more to try out for than in middle school. Pretty exciting.
Sue: It's incredibly exciting. Don't expect to make anything. As a freshman, that's off the table. But it's still good to try so you can, you know, get your face out there. And this is for you to keep.
Jenna: Wow. Lucky my mom bought me the big backpack.
Sue: Now we should probably talk at least three times a day. This is my cell. If I don't pick up, don't worry. My battery charger is on the fritz, and they discontinued it and the phone, like, 11 years ago. But if you're ever in a bind and you can't get ahold of me, kickinitteenstyle.com is an excellent resource for all of kinds of advice. It's kinda my Bible.
Sue: Well, it doesn't matter. It's not me. It's my mentee, Jenna. She's doing really well in school, but homecoming court is a whole other thing. They only pick the most fabulous girls with the straightest hair and the whitest teeth. It's almost like it's a popularity contest. But what do you say to someone who wants to try for something that is so far out of their reach?
Frankie: Oh, that's a tough one. But off the top of my head, I would look her in the eye and say, "Sue"... or whatever her name is... "I really admire your spirit and tenacity. And whatever happens, I'm here for you."
Sue: That is spot-on advice. You should guest blog for kickinitteenstyle.com.
Sue: Hey, Mom. Since this is my first big high school dance, I just wanted to go over some ground rules with you so you wouldn't be worried.
Frankie: Oh, yes, I was definitely gonna want to go over ground rules.
Sue: I went to kickinitteenstyle.com to check curfew recommendations on their "How late? Debate." Their rule of thumb is 11:00 PM unless you've earned your parents' trust, in which case, it'd be midnight. Have I earned your trust, Mom?
Frankie: You have, but Darrin hasn't, and he's just so dumb. I'll see you at 11:00.
Sue: So, uh, thanks for the ride. I'll see you tomorrow!
Matt: Sue, w-what's going on? It's like you've been trying to avoid me or something.
Sue: Okay, Matt. Here's the thing. There's something I have to tell you, and I really hope it doesn't change things between us. I'm an American girl, so I just want to kiss American. If you want to kiss... international, then you'll have to find someone else.
Matt: Oh, thank God.
Sue: You're not mad?
Matt: No. Your braces were ripping my tongue to shreds. It's kept me from eating, so I made weight this week, but I didn't tell you, 'cause I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
Sue: Really? That's so sweet! But kickinitteenstyle.com says that a relationship will only succeed if it's built on total honesty.
Matt: Okay. Sometimes your hair smells funny.
Sue: Oh! My mom accidentally bought dog shampoo. She says we have to use it up till it's gone. [both chuckle then kiss]
Frankie: [v.o.] Yep, it's no fun being a parent when you gotta tell your kid something they don't want to hear...
Mike: Sue, hold on. I gotta talk to you.
Sue: Please, not now. I looked up the best time to show up for a party on kickinitteenstyle.com, and right now we're in the "casually cool" window, but if we wait too much longer, we'll be "party tardy," and I'll risk dissing my host. We gotta go.
Frankie: [v.o.] Especially when you don't get to tell them.
Frankie: [v.o.] On college campuses across the midwest, January means one thing... sorority rush. Parties, teas, and dressing to impress.
Sue: Oh! [laughs] Which one do you like better? The one with the missing strap or the one with the broken heel? I checked on kickinltcollegestyle.com in the "Brush up on Rush" section, and they said to be casual but memorable... Casuable.
Frankie: I don't know how it works these days, Sue. I haven't been in college for... [mumbles] years.
Sue: [chuckles] I just really feel like a sorority is finally gonna be my thing, you know? I mean, I've made friends with people in the dorm, but I just don't feel like I've really found my people. Or even my person, really.
Frankie: Well, just remember. If you get in, that's great, but if you don't get in, that's fine, too. Angelina Jolie was never in a sorority, and she married Brad Pitt. Not that marriage is the answer if don't get into a sorority. Or even if you do. Marriage is not the answer, is what I'm saying. It's never a solution. Oh, yeah. I like the one on the left.
Sue: Could you moan more softly, please? Oh, God, I am crashing, Axl, and I'm crashing hard. I rode the caffeine pony, and it took me to the depths of hell.
Axl: Sue, you drank coffee for two days. I'm having a real crisis here. I've got till midnight to decide what I'm doing with the rest of my life.
Sue: Do you want to talk about it over coffee? Oh! I can't. I'm seven hours clean. Here, I'll... I'll just hold an empty mug.
Axl: Seriously, Sue, what should I do?
Sue: No one can tell you. You got to figure out what you want.
Axl: Oh, everybody's always telling me what to do, but now I want them to tell me what to do, and nobody will.
Sue: Wait a minute. There's a resource that's perfect for this. It can help you find out about yourself and help you with career choices. Oh, yeah! kickinitteenstyle.com. [Axl groans]
Sue: Okay, question 3. "You're late to a party. Do you, A) take your pink sweater, B) your boyfriend's arms will keep you warm, or C) you have five sweaters to pick from, and you've known for weeks which one you're wearing?"
Axl: "D) This party sounds lame. I'm not going."
Sue: Look, do you want to pick a major or not? "Now, which 1D lyrics are you most likely to hang on your wall?"