Frankie: [v.o.] So Mike finally went to ask his dad to Thanksgiving. Which sounds easier than it is, because Big Mike's kind of a hoarder who doesn't like to leave his house. Maybe because he's got too much pride to accept an invitation. Or maybe because there's too much crap blocking the door.
Mike: [knocks] I know you're home, Dad. Montgomery Ward went out of business 10 years ago.
Big Mike: That's good to know. [replaces the "Gone to Montgomery Ward. Back in 5." Post-It on his door with one reading "Gone to Circuit City. Back in 5 min."]
Mike: So Thanksgiving is coming up.
Big Mike: Is it, now? Oh, well, the calendar says it's today.
Mike: Yeah. Well, the calendar is 4 years old, Dad.

Mike: Anyway, Frankie is putting together a nice dinner. You should come.
Big Mike: I don't wanna be a bother.
Mike: You're not a bother, Dad.
Big Mike: Don't go making turkey on my account.
Mike: We're making it, anyway. All of America is.
Big Mike: Well, if I come, you'll just have to get another chair out of the garage. All that hassle.
Mike: Okay, Dad. We're eating at 4. Come if you want, don't if you don't.
Big Mike: That's not much of an invite, is it?

Mr. Ehlert: All right, team, bring it in. Take a knee. Sales are at an all-time low. That is why I'm switching to a 365-day schedule. Like that diner out on Route 7. They do very well.
Frankie: Wait, wait, wait. Are you saying that we're working on Thanksgiving? [scoffs] Mr. Ehlert, that is just wrong.
Mr. Ehlert: Well, so is taking the country away from a bunch of Indians, but aren't you glad we did?

Mike: Hey, Dad. What're you doing?
Big Mike: Just listening to the game.
Mike: Drove across town for that?
Big Mike: Reception is better over here. Plus, I heard someone threw a bread maker out in this neighborhood.
Mike: Well, long as you're here, you might as well come in. We're barbecuing a whole turkey.
Big Mike: Oh, I don't wanna be a bother.
Mike: You're not a bother, Dad. I want you to come in. [Big Mike is silent] Please, I'm begging you. Thanksgiving wouldn't be the same without you. We wouldn't know what to do if you didn't come.
Frankie: [v.o.] Yup. No stopping tradition.
Big Mike: [removes a cassette] Guess I can listen to this inside.

Brick: Wow. Now I get why they say: "The corn is as high as an elephant's eye." [whispers] Elephant.

Frankie: Mr. Ehlert?
Mr. Ehlert: What now? Tampon machine empty?
Frankie: No. Actually, sir, I was wondering if I could possibly, in any way, have Thanksgiving off to spend with my family.
Mr. Ehlert: Okay. We're gonna play a little game called I Be You, You Be Me. "Mr. Ehlert, I know I'm the newest employee with the worst sales record. And even though I whine about equality for women in the workplace, can I have Thanksgiving off so I can hug my family all day long even though two minutes ago you said I had to work?"
Frankie: Yes?
Mr. Ehlert: Okay, I'm me again. No!
Frankie: Please. My family needs Thanksgiving and I'm the mom. I have to cook in the morning and we eat in the afternoon.
Mr. Ehlert: Fine. You can work the evening shift. And if you're still here, you can work all day Christmas.

Frankie: [v.o.] Thanksgiving around here is all about tradition. Spending time with your family. And being thankful for everything you have. Of course, everyone has their favorite thing. For Axl, it's my cranberry sauce. For Mike, it's my mashed potatoes. Sue and Brick love my homemade pie. But what I love most is the warm, loving feeling I get from... saving up to 80 percent on the day after Thanksgiving. Black Friday.
Frankie: Okay, it's one week to Thanksgiving. The mall opens at midnight, so we've got to be prepared. Sue is on Housewares. Axl is on Sporting Goods. Brick can ferret through the crowd, so he's on Electronics. We'll rally at the escalator at 0100.
Mike: Sir, yes, sir.

Frankie: Sixty percent off on a power sander for Mike. A hundred barrettes for Sue at Claire's for a dollar. Two-for-one cargo pants for Brick. [laughs] Look at me, I'm trembling.

Bob: I think what I'm most looking forward to is movies, singing around the piano. My niece who I haven't seen in 14 years is coming. [Frankie gasps] I gotta get air mattresses just to host everyone.
Man: [on PA] Bob, Home Town Buffet called about your Thanksgiving reservation. They wanna know if you'd share a two-top with a widower.
Frankie: We eat at 6.
Bob: Oh, thank you. [hugs Frankie]

Sue: Mom, Dad. This is Brad, my boyfriend. [shrieks]
Frankie: [quietly to Mike] Okay, be cool.
Mike: Yeah.
Frankie: Hi, Brad.
Brad: Hi, you guys. Oh, my gosh, I'm super-excited to finally meet my GF's P's.
Frankie: [v.o.] "Girlfriend's parents." I looked it up later.
Frankie: Well, we are so excited to meet you too, Brad. Aren't we, Mike?
Mike: Yup. So you like to square dance, huh?
Brad: Oh, I just love square dancing. Well, all types of dance, really. You know, ballet, tap, rhythmic. OMG, is that vintage flannel?
Mike: No. Just... Just old.
Brad: And super-cute.
Mike: [chuckles] Well, thanks.