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‘Escape Orson’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

The Middle: Escape Orson

810. Escape Orson

Aired January 3, 2017

When the Hecks spend New Year's Day in an escape room, they're not only trying to outrun zombies but also beat the Donahues' record. Meanwhile, Brick is certain the quiet man assigned to play with them is really the author of the Planet Nowhere books, Sue crumbles under her family's expectation that she's always great at games, and Frankie remembers the romantic dream she had the night before.

Quote from Brick

Brick: Mom! Did you see that guy? That's David S. Rosenthal! The author of the Planet Nowhere book series as well as the official Out of this World Cookbook... How to Get Your Silligan to Eat Their Vegetables?
Frankie: [scoffs] What? No, it's not. It's Milt. Brick, I don't think a billionaire author is going to be doing the Orson Escape Room on New Year's Day. Why would he be here?
Brick: It's not my job to ask "Why is he here?" It's my job to freak out that he is here!


Quote from Sue

Axl: How did I lose every game to you all these years?
Sue: You didn't.
Axl: What?
Sue: I cheated. [exhales sharply]
Axl: You mean like you cheated sometime?
Sue: No, every time, all the time.
Axl: Monopoly?
Sue: I made myself banker and slid myself money under the table.
Axl: Celebrity?
Sue: If I got a name on a card I didn't know, I would just make one up. My go-to was always a Disney Princess.
Axl: Mystery Date?
Sue: It was never a mystery to me.
Axl: Oh, my God.
Sue: Okay, look... It all started when I was three and Mom and Dad would play games with me and let me win. Winning became my obsession and my curse. In the end, it was Miss Sue, in the family room, with every game.

Quote from Mike

Frankie: So, what exactly did you mean by "disturbing"?
Mike: What?
Frankie: You said my dream was disturbing. That's a pretty strong word.
Mike: Well, you're messing around with another man. You don't think I should be disturbed by that?
Frankie: It's a dream. Haven't you ever had a dream about a celebrity before... Phoebe Cates or Lindsay Wagner or somebody?
Mike: I don't have dreams.
Frankie: I'm not talking about in life. I'm talking about when you're asleep.
Mike: So am I... I go to sleep, it's dark, I wake up, put on my shoes, and go.
Frankie: What? That can't be true. Everybody dreams.
Mike: Not me. Dreaming is just showing off while you're asleep.

Quote from Axl

Axl: Then Sean with his little dig about mirrors. I don't need to check myself out in mirrors. I know I look good.

Quote from Brick

Frankie: Okay, everybody, hands in!
Mike: What's the book?
Brick: The Catcher in the Rye!
Frankie: Okay, one, two, three.
All: The Catcher in the Rye! [cheering]

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: Hey, Nancy!
Nancy: Oh, hi, Frankie! Happy New Year!
Frankie: Uh, slow start for you guys, too, huh?
Nancy: Oh, no. We've been up for hours. It was the boys' turn to get up early and make New Year's breakfast for the girls.
Ron: [chuckles] Eggs, bacon, sausage... We kind of phoned it in this year.
Frankie: [chuckles] Oh. We had Pop-Tarts, 'cause we like to support American businesses. [chuckles]

Quote from Brick

Frankie: Okay. Right? Are you with me? Come on, Hecks. Let's do this. Hands in! Ready? On the count of three. One, two, three.
Frankie: Escape room!
Mike: Go Hecks!
Sue: Let's go!
Brick: A Tale of Two Cities!
Axl: A Tale of Two Cities?
Brick: I've never done a group cheer before.
Axl: Oh.

Quote from Brick

Brick: I'm telling you... It's him. It's definitely him. I just saw Milt looking through a microscope with his left eye, which means he's left-handed. David S. Rosenthal is also left-handed!
Mike: No. Come on, Brick. Stop messing around. We got less than an hour.
Brick: Let me explain this in a way you can understand... Pretend you saw insert-famous-sports-guy here. Tell me you wouldn't be all over that.
Mike: You got me.

Quote from Axl

Axl: Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Who knew Little Miss Perfect was a dirty, lying cheater?
Sue: Shh! Shh!
Axl: I can't believe I thought you were better than me at games. You know what that did to my psyche, to my confidence level?
Sue: You're the most confident person in the world.
Axl: Yeah, but I could have had more.

Quote from Sue

Axl: I'm telling you, she's not gonna get it.
Frankie: Axl, what is the matter with you? Why do you always have to bring her down? This is the one thing she's good at. Can't she just have that?
Axl: Oh, is she... Is she good at this?
Mike: Axl, I'm not gonna say it again... shut it. Sue's our best shot at this. Come on, Sue. Take us home.
Sue: Um... Belle! N... Ariel. Pocahontas!
Axl: She's just naming Disney Princesses! That's it! I can't hold it anymore. It's for the good of the family. Sue's a big, fat cheater. [Sue exhales sharply] That's right. She's cheated at every game she's ever played. She palms marbles. She stacks decks. You ever played Sorry! with her? Well, sorry, you got screwed.
Frankie: Sue, is that true?
Sue: He's right! I don't know what I'm doing. We are gonna lose to the Donahues, and it is all my fault. I am a cheater. But that ends today. I am not gonna let my past define me. I am moving forward with confidence, with honor. Starting now, Sue Heck wins for real! [buzzer sounds]
Woman: [v.o.] Time has expired. The zombie apocalypse has begun. [zombies growling] Mankind is doomed. Please exit through the fail door.
Sue: [groans] No!

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