Mike: See, in a real game, we don't see each other's cards, so you can pretend that you have a really good hand and the other guy might believe you and quit.
Brick: You mean lie? That doesn't seem very sporting.
Mike: Well, it's called bluffing, and it's part of the game. So, now I'm gonna deal a hand where I can't see your cards. So I'm not gonna be able to help you. You're on your own.
Brick: Ooh. [puts pretzels in the pot] I have a great hand. [whispers] I'm bluffing.
Mike: Okay, our problem here is that you have what we call a tell. And your tell is that you... tell.
Brick: Mm.
Mike: So we're gonna have to work on that. [Brick eats a pretzel] You're eating money.

Frankie: Okay, look. The potatoes were still kind of hard. This can just be our little secret. Nobody out there needs to know. Believe me, two years ago when I worked the squash harvest, this thing was a lifesaver.
Sheila: [gasps] You've done this before?
Frankie: Look, if anybody sees me, I'll just tell them that my cousin from the Louisiana territory just invented it. The great inventor Hosiah... Newton-John.
Sheila: My soul would die at the thought of people getting anything less than the authentic experience they paid $8 for. They did not pay to have somebody cut corners.
Frankie: Well, guess what. Historically, I come from a long line of corner-cutters, so cutting corners now is actually me being authentic. So there.

Frankie: All right, well, if nobody cares, how about we float Thanksgiving to December? Wait. That's too close to Christmas. Let's see. How about... January?
Sue: Can't. Our a cappella group is doing this big month-long tribute to the '80s... Duran Duran-uary. [laughs]
Brick: February's out. Cindy's got something big planned for Valentine's Day. What's a couples retreat?
Frankie: Okay, how about March?
Mike & Axl: March Madness!
Frankie: Okay, who's free in May?
Axl: Yeah, nothing good happens in May.
Sue: Well, except Mother's Day.
Frankie: Like he said, nothing good happens in May.

Frankie: I really don't want to get another job for the holidays. I mean, I'm too old to flip burgers. I'm too young to be a Walmart greeter. Actually...
Mike: Yeah, I'm thinking the same thing. You're not too young to be a Walmart greeter.
Frankie: That's not what I was gonna say.
Mike: Oh. Your hair looks pretty.
Frankie: Mm. What I was gonna ask is, how's the diaper business going?
Mike: I think you should get a job for the holidays.
Frankie: [sighs] Damn it.

Brick: Hm. So, Dad, looks like it's just you and me at home. Maybe we can do something together.
Mike: Well, I'm gonna be watching football all day, but, uh, you're welcome to do something right over there.

Sue: Yeah. Works for me. I can pick up some extra shifts at Spudsy's. The mall's gonna be open for 48 hours straight. Except they don't call it Thanksgiving anymore. Now it's called Black Friday Eve.

Sue: [gasps] Brad! What are you doing here? I didn't know you were picking up extra hours.
Brad: Aw, shoot. You just missed me. I'm heading home to bed. Got to get up early to help with Thanksgiving dinner. I'm added a fourth bean to the three-bean salad and pulling a layer out of the seven-layer dip. So watch out.

Brad: Oh, I know why you're here.
Sue: Wh- Uh- To serve delicious potatoes to hungry shoppers?
Brad: And possibly see Logan.
Sue: Is it that obvious?
Brad: You keep darting your eyes over at Abercrombie. It doesn't take Benedict Cumberbatch to figure it out.
Sue: It's like we're so totally star-crossed. I mean, we had the best time at prom and then I saw him up at school and I lost him. I didn't have his number. So I thought if I am working over break, maybe he's working over break. So today, I am going to casually go over to Abercrombie on my break and try to casually run into him.
Brad: Oh, my god, Sue. You're like a really adorable '90s movie.
Sue: I know, right? [they hug]
Brad: You go, Meg Ryan.

Frankie: Oh, well, hello, kind people. If you're wondering what tool I'm using to make my husband a fine Thanksgiving feast, this is a... a... Uh, What is it? Um... hang on. Oh, I remember. It's an old-timey corn grinder. Pbht!
Sheila: 'Tis a grist mill. Good morrow, and welcome to our humble cabin. I'm Rachel Moody Cochran, and this is my husband, Obadiah.
Frankie: Hey. Hi. Sorry, but I think I'm supposed to be playing Obadiah's wife.
Sheila: Perhaps thou has been stricken with the Devil's fever, for it was I who wed dear Obadiah on my 14th birthday. [quietly] Did you not read your packet? You're not Rachel. I'm Rachel. You're Abigail, the barren spinster sister-in-law with the clubfoot.
Frankie: Are you sure? 'Cause I come back here and play Obadiah's wife every time I get fired from a job, and I get fired a lot.
Sheila: Trust me, lady, 'tis I.
Frankie: Fine. Relax. I'll be the sister-in-law. But I'm not playing the clubfoot. Barren, on the other hand, sounds fabulous.

Axl: Yeah. Well, no one's really expected much of me, so I guess I'm delivering.
Sean: See, you're lucky. Nobody hassles you. You can just be the Ax-man.
Axl: Yeah, well... Ax-man's not so awesome these days. I mean, football is a total bust, um, got kicked out of my house at school, so now I'm living at home with my parents, like a loser. I don't even know what Devin and I are doing anymore. And school... Everyone's talking about jobs and grad school, and I'm just like, I don't even know if I'm gonna make it, you know? In the back of my mind, I always thought my hair would be enough to separate me from other people, but maybe that's just not enough anymore. I don't know. I just, uh... It's just really, really hard. [sniffles]
Sean: Dude, are you crying?
Axl: Uh, no.