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‘Clear and Present Danger’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

The Middle: Clear and Present Danger

821. Clear and Present Danger

Aired May 2, 2017

Sue decides to film a video for her father's birthday showing how everyone feels about  him, even though she's warned that Mike doesn't like people making a fuss over him. Frankie searches the house for the gift she bought months ago for Axl's upcoming graduation. Meanwhile, Brick turns to Axl to get in shape after Cindy defended him from a bully.

Quote from Brick

Brick: I remember the time Dad took me to play tennis. He got mad 'cause I brought my books, which the veins in his neck start popping out, but...
Sue: Cut. Brick, these are supposed to be nice memories.
Brick: Uh, that is a nice memory. Dad and I don't do a lot together.
Sue: Okay, well, it doesn't sound so nice. Now I want heartfelt, so step it up. Okay, make me feel something. And... action.
Brick: Here's a fond memory with Dad... the time he tried to teach me how to drive. The veins were really popping out of his neck then.
Sue: Brick, stop talking about veins.

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Quote from Brick

Brick: What are you doing?
Axl: Nothing, nothing. Just admiring the view. How are those workouts coming?
Brick: Well, I know I need to get in shape, so I did the only thing that made sense to me. I went to the library and checked out a book. Jack Lalanne's Live Young Forever.
Axl: Oh, okay. What's he doing now?
Brick: He's dead. But before that, he was really cool. He could lift all these heavy things. He once pulled 70 boats. My goal is 15. That should be enough to impress Cindy.

Quote from Axl

Axl: Look, Brick, you don't need a book. You got me as your trainer.
Brick: No offense, Axl, but things weren't really going that well in the garage. It's been two days, and I think I might have actually lost muscle mass.
Axl: That's just all part of the workout program I've created specifically for your body. Right now you're like a lump of clay, but you give me some time, I'm gonna mold you into a work of fine art. It's like the statue of David. You think Michael and Angelo sculpted that thing overnight? No. Took those guys years.
Brick: Yeah... I just don't think someone who's on the decline physically should be teaching me.
Axl: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Decline? [laughs] Decli... Wha...? Who said I'm declining? I'm not declining.
Brick: Look, it's perfectly natural. In my research, I found that men hit their physical peak at age 25, then slowly decline. You're just a little ahead of schedule. From here on out, you're pretty much just gonna atrophy.
Axl: Got enough trophies, Brick. And, yeah, maybe I let myself go a little bit, but I just got to do a few push-ups, I'll be back in shape like that. [snaps fingers] Ow, cramp.

Quote from Mike

Mike: Look, growing up in my family, we didn't, you know, talk or, you know, express things on birthdays or holidays or... Even when my mom died, I came home from basketball practice one day, and my dad said, "Your mom passed." Then he told me to go do my homework. The next morning, I went to school. We never talked about it again.
Sue: Really? Oh, my gosh, that's horrible.
Mike: It's just the way it was.
Sue: Well, you're not like that, you know. I mean, you're way better than Grandpa. When I try to hug him, he just says, "Oh, you don't want to hug an old man." But you tolerate my hugs all the time.
Mike: Well, he cares about you. He's just not real comfortable saying it. We all do. Care about you.
Sue: I know. How did she die again?
Mike: Lung cancer. She was young, just 42. But the way she used to dance around the house, you'd have thought she was 20. She was always singing, always moving. I can still see her at the kitchen sink doing dishes and humming to herself. When I'd be playing in the kitchen, she'd call me over and scoop some soap suds in her hands and bend down and let me blow the bubbles.
Sue: Aww. I wish I had met her.
Mike: Yeah. Well, you'd have liked her. She was nice.
Sue: She was a teacher, right?
Mike: Mm-hmm. Third grade and then fifth. Once, when she was working as a substitute, she actually taught my class. [Sue gasps] I was sitting there and in walks my mom.
Sue: [laughs] Classic.

Quote from Brick

Brick: You know, I've always considered myself a modern man. I believe women's rights are human rights, but... [sighs]... today I was getting bullied.
Axl: You were getting bullied? Are you okay? Do I need to step in and talk some sense into this guy?
Brick: No. Cindy chased him away.
Axl: Whoa.
Brick: I know. Being bullied didn't bother me so much as having my girlfriend stick up for me. It made me feel... less than 'cause Cindy's a girl, but it shouldn't have.
Axl: No, it definitely should have. That is super embarrassing. Just tell me it wasn't in front of people and they don't know you're a Heck.
Brick: I mean, I could tell you that. I don't know. In the past, it's never bothered me to be the kid who has to take a water break during the 50-yard dash or the guy at lunch who can't open his own banana, but I'm having trouble accepting the fact that my girlfriend is stronger than me. And I don't know what to do about it. I'm thinking I might need to get some of those muscles I've read about.

Quote from Sue

Sue: I'm making him a video of people saying nice things about Dad.
Frankie: Oh, Sue, he's gonna hate that.
Sue: What? No, he's gonna love it. [Frankie sighs] I know he acts like a tough guy, but he's got the squooshiest center. You didn't see him at Moana. I did.
Frankie: Look, I've known your dad for over 20 years. There's no squoosh in there.

Quote from Brick

Brick: Oh, all right, fine. Sorry. Um, let's see. Well, one of my best times with Dad was when he had me rake leaves. It was funny 'cause I was probably 9 at the time, and I was worried about the leaves being incinerated...
Sue: Cut. Mom, I was finally getting something good out of Brick, and you're ruining my shot.
Frankie: I am so close. You can film Dad's thing anywhere.
Sue: Shh. I don't want to spoil the surprise. It's a secret.
Brick: Here's something that's not a secret. Dad's gonna hate this video.
Sue: Okay, from other people, he might hate it, but not from me. Now, Mom, will you please get out of my shot? I finally had a vein-free story from Brick, and you screwed it up.
Brick: That's actually not true. The end of the story comes around nicely back to veins.

Quote from Sue

Sue: Ah, there you are. Okay, listen. I'm making a video for Dad's birthday. Picture this... his nearest and dearest recounting fond memories and funny stories all edited together into a cherished keepsake he can watch for the rest of his life. [saughs] I haven't even made it yet, and I can't wait to give it to him. Oh, he'll love it.
Axl: Okay, do you remember when you were 5 and you wanted to wear makeup so you colored in your eyelid with permanent marker? That idea was 100 times better than this one.
Sue: [scoffs] Okay, well, what are you gonna get him that's so great?
Axl: I'm not getting him anything. Every day, I give him the gift of being the only positive reflection of his DNA.
Sue: Okay, look, I'm doing this, so I need you to be camera-ready tomorrow at 3:00. Study the questions. I don't want to hear any "uhs" or "ums" or "whatevers."
Axl: "If Dad was an animal, which one would he be?" "Which one of Dad's plaid shirts is my favorite, the dark blue or the light blue?"
Sue: [laughs] Yeah, I wanted to have at least one funny question.
Axl: Well, you didn't.

Quote from Axl

Axl: What's with you?
Brick: Nothing.
Axl: Good talk.
Brick: All right, you dragged it out of me. It's something to do with Cindy.
Axl: What? Did you lose the stepladder you use to kiss her?
Brick: Funny.

Quote from Brick

[on Sue's birthday video for Mike:]
Sue: So what makes a man great? Let's find out, shall we?
Frankie: What do I love about Mike? Uh, well, obviously, I love him 'cause I married him. And, um, what else? Well, he's a great provider. Yeah, I would say he's my rock.
Axl: Happy B to the Big M from the Big A. Wait, that sounds bathroom-y. Can I start over?
Brick: The cool about thing about Dad is his hair looks the same wet or dry.
Frankie: He's... my rock. Oh, I said that already? Pbht.
Axl: Uh, if Dad were a spice, uh, I'd say he's salt.
Frankie: Old Spice. [Frankie and Brick laugh as they watch the video]
Brick: Is beer a spice? 'Cause, if so, I'd say beer. When there's no beer in the house, he gets tense, and this vein...

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