Tag: I asked you to do one thing: pack my ginkgo biloba.
Pat: They're your ginkgo biloba. You want 'em, you gonna pack 'em. You're a grown man, for God sake.
Tag: They're for my memory! How in the hell am I supposed to remember 'em if I don't take 'em?

Brad: Who punches a guy while he's on his tippy toes? That's not how a dance fight works. I mean, seriously, where did that guy go to summer camp?
Sue: Ugh. I know.
Brad: I didn't even get to do my pas de bourree.

Brick: This book is life-changing. Mom dropped me at the library to find the perfect holiday read, and out of nowhere, it just appeared to me. "The real true behind-the-scenes story of the making of Erich Segal's 1970's classic, Love Story."
Mike: Really? All the books they got in the library, and that's the one you picked?
Brick: Have you read it? It's fascinating. How did I go so long without finding this? It's a Thanksgiving gift, I tell you. A gift.
Mike: You know, the only thing that would have made that better is if strangers were here to see it.

Frankie: [v.o.] Mike's advice really hit home for Axl... Just not exactly the way Mike had intended.
Axl: Cassidy, I like you. I never really saw myself with a girl like you before. You know, I usually just go for hot chicks. Not that you're... [chuckles] not hot. It's just you're just hot in a different way. Um, you use words like "perseverating" and "truncated," which is a really cool word for "short," but I never knew that until I met you. And I have so many things to say to you, but I'll try to keep it truncated. [chuckles] I like hanging out with you. I think it's cool that you think I can be smart and you listen to violin music, and you watch movies with the typing at the bottom. And my whole life, I have loved football, but it's weird, 'cause it just doesn't seem to matter to me if it doesn't matter to you. And I want you to come to my game, Cassidy. And I know you have this guy who calls you from college, but he's not here now, and I am, and I like you, and I think you should go out with me. [chuckles nervously]
Cassidy: Oh. Wow, Axl. That's... a lot. Seriously, that is all so nice of you to say, but I-I just see, my boyfriend's coming to spend Thanksgiving with me, so I don't think I can come to your game, but thanks. I mean, yeah, thank you.
Axl: Uh... [chuckles nervously] Yeah, cool. Cool. Cool. Uh... [clears throat] You know... [laughs] I just... I'm asking everybody to my game, not just you. So... [inhales deeply] Hey! Anybody wanna go watch me play football Friday night?
Ashley: I'd love to, Axl. Can I bring my snake?

Frankie: So, Afghanistan? That must have been so dangerous.
Sergeant Howard: Well, when you're dealing with terrorists, it can get a little sticky.
Tag: Well, the real enemy isn't terrorists. It's refined sugar. Kills a hell of a lot more people than Al Qaeda ever did.
Pat: You don't have to talk everybody's head off all the time. You know, they hide from him at the bank.
Tag: You're just jealous 'cause the weight's falling off of me. Somebody here has a love affair with gluten.

Frankie: Mom, Dad, Mike and I were trying to remember that great story you always tell about your first date. You know, how Dad got lost and you ended up by the lake? What happened again?
Pat: [chuckles] Oh, he got lost all right. No surprise there.
Tag: Yeah, she was probably talking so much, I missed the sign.
Frankie: No, it was sweet. You got lost and you didn't have anything to eat, and mom pulled the crackers from her bag and...
Pat: Back then, he would eat crackers!
Tag: Crackers are poison! Might as well eat a bag of sugar!

Frankie: Well, I was hoping you'd have a different reaction, 'cause I already signed us up.
Mike: [scoffs] What? Why'd you even ask?
Frankie: Because I had to act quick. I was afraid they were gonna run out of Marines. There aren't that many of them, you know. It's right there in the motto "The few, the proud." I gotta say, I thought you'd be more patriotic about this.
Mike: I am being patriotic. These people fight for our country. Haven't they been through enough?

Brick: Okay, can I tell you guys one more thing?
Frankie: No.
Axl: Nobody cares, Brick.
Brick: Who do you think was the studio's first choice for the part of Oliver? It was Beau Bridges. Can you believe it? Uh... Who's Beau Bridges?

Pat: I'm thankful I'm still running on my own steam. [giggles]
Tag: What the hell's that mean? Don't make any sense.
Pat: I think I'm allowed to say what I'm thankful for without comments from the peanut gallery.

Frankie: [v.o.] Meanwhile, Brick wasn't the only one with a fascination for the library. Over the past few weeks, Axl had become very focused on his studies.
Cassidy: So the biggest thing you need to study for your test is... The legislative branch.
Axl: Wow. Your handwriting's pretty... Terrible. Uh, but I can say that 'cause my handwriting is awesome.
Cassidy: Maybe I need a handwriting tutor.
Axl: Maybe you do. [takes Cassidy's hand and writes]
Cassidy: "Axl... is... brilliant."
Axl: Pretty impressive, huh?
Cassidy: Uh-huh. It'd be even more impressive if you spelled "brilliant" with two L's. [both laugh]