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‘Steaming Pile of Guilt’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

The Middle: Steaming Pile of Guilt

615. Steaming Pile of Guilt

Aired February 25, 2015

Frankie is racked with guilt when she realizes they forgot Brick's thirteenth birthday. Sue tries to develop a unique characteristic so she will receive a "senior superlative" in the year book, while Devin takes offense at how Axl describes women in his phone contacts.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: [microwave beeps] Okay, we need something green to go with dinner. Ooh! We can make ice-pack peas. They haven't been in there that long. When was the O.J. chase? You know, we really should buy some fresh vegetables sometimes, just so w... [gasps] Oh, my God. We forgot Brick's birthday.
Mike: What?
Frankie: Brick's birthday... in November! What month are we in now?
Mike: February. [Frankie sighs] Yeah, that's bad. You know, it's been so long, at this point, maybe we should just float it to next year.
Frankie: That's what we did last year. Ugh! We're treating him like a leap-year baby. [gasps] Sue's birthday... that's coming up, too! Oh, seriously, why do we have two birthdays so close together?
Mike: We didn't.

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Quote from Brick

Brick: For years, you've ignored me. You've wandered away when I'm talking. Often when I'm sharing something I feel is important, your eyes glaze over or Axl goes "blah, blah, blah." So now you're finally going to listen to what I have to say.
Mike: We got to get a calendar system.
Brick: I spent a lot of time thinking on how I should kick things off, and I believe I've landed on something that's a real crowd-pleaser. Railroad gauges. You've probably always wondered how we ended up with the 4-feet, 8.5-inch gauge. Well, it all begins with the chariots of imperial Rome...
[later, "Fun with Vowels":]
Brick: You see, I was always curious if there were any words that contained the five vowels "a," "e," "i," "o," and "u" in just that order. Turns out, there are a handful.
[later, "My favorite manuals and catalogues":]
Brick: Item c493l... portable sewing kit...

Quote from Brick

Brick: Question number 18... "What is my favorite part of the movie?"
Sue: The credits! I said "the credits."
Brick: Incorrect.
Axl: The FBI warning!
Brick: That's correct... the FBI warning. What's my favorite smell?
Mike: I skipped that one.
Brick: And the correct answer is...
Axl & Brick: New-book smell.
Axl: Boom!
Brick: I also would have accepted "old book smell."

Quote from Axl

Frankie: [v.o.] So, 114 days after his birthday, Brick finally got to celebrate. And the rest of us were pretty excited about it.
Brick: Welcome to my 13th birthday party... slash lecture, slash Q&A, slash...
Axl: My wrists?
Mike: Axl.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: I can't believe we forgot Brick's birthday. We do this all the time, and now we did it on his 13th birthday. And now it's over, and it's just what we do, and it's sad.
Mike: Hey, if he really cared, he'd have spoken up. He doesn't care that much. So just forgive yourself.
Frankie: [scoffs] Forgive myself? What do you mean, "forgive myself"? It should be "forgive ourselves." You forgot his birthday, too, you know.
Mike: Eh. Remembering birthdays is more of a mom thing.
Frankie: Really? Tell me what isn't a mom thing. I take care of them when they're sick, I drive them everywhere. I ask the parents with good cameras to take pictures of them at school events. Why am I the one who always has to be the monkey arms?
Mike: "Monkey arms"?
Frankie: Yeah, you know, monkey arms... from Animal Planet. The mom chimpanzee makes this bridge with her arms so all the little baby monkeys can get from one tree to the next. Yeah, and what is the dad doing? Just sitting there, scratching his butt.
Mike: [chuckles] Well, I'm sure you'll think of something.
Frankie: No, no, no, no. You're in this, too, pal. You've got longer limbs than anybody. Put your monkey arms where your mouth is and think.

Quote from Ashley

Devin: There's nothing to talk about.
Axl: [sighs] Okay, first you wouldn't date me 'cause you were busy with soccer, and now you're breaking up with me 'cause we had one fight? You don't want to be with me? Fine. Don't be with me. 'Cause there's a million girls on this campus who would be more than happy to take your place.
[As Axl leaves Devin's apartment, he gasps when he sees Ashley in the hallway]
Ashley: I can't believe it worked so fast. I just collected her nail clippings yesterday.

Quote from Sue

Sue: [high-pitched] Ah ha ha ha ha! [snorts]
Frankie: What's going on with you? We already have one weird kid. That slot is filled.
Sue: Okay, I'm trying for senior superlatives. You know, "Most likely to succeed," "Best laugh." And it is finally my chance to make it into the yearbook... on the center fold, where it naturally opens! I am telling you, if I want the Year of Sue to be in the yearbook of Sue, I got to do whatever it takes to make my mark, which, in this case, means working on my laugh.
Mike: How about you go for "Most likely to work on it in your room"?
Sue: Oh, Dad, that is hi-larious. [throatily] Eh heh heh heh heh heh heh... No. I don't like that one, either.

Quote from Brick

Frankie: Brick, listen... Um, I don't even know if you're aware of this, but, um, it's come to my attention that it's possible we might have missed your birthday.
Brick: Oh, you did. You definitely did.
Frankie: [sighs] Look, Brick, I know it's bad, and I really don't know how it even happened, but at least it wasn't a big one.
Brick: It was 13.
Frankie: What? You turned 13? You can't be 13. What year were you born? Wait. When was Scott Peterson? Oh, my God! 13 is huge! Brick, I am sorry. I am so, so sorry.
Brick: Yeah, I kind of thought since it was a biggie, you would have done something. But it's fine. I had a party with my books.

Quote from Ashley

Ashley: Hello, Axl.
Axl: [gasps] You! Wake up. Wake up! [sniffles] What are you doing here?
Ashley: I go to school here now. I transferred. The white dolphin told me in a dream that if I was patient, we would find each other again. Plus, they have a good hotel-management program.
Devin: [opens door] Sorry. I had my earbuds in. Hey. You met Ashley.
Ashley: Mm-hmm. Axl was my boyfriend in high school.
Devin: Oh. Really?
Axl: Well... I'm with Devin now. So, good to see you. [laughs nervously] Please don't hurt us.

Quote from Axl

Devin: Whoa! You dated Ashley? This whole time, I was telling you about the strange wizard girl who moved in across the hall, and it turns out she was your high-school girlfriend? [chuckles] Okay, that's awesome.
Axl: No! [laughing] No, no! Weird Ashley was not my girlfriend. It's all in her head. She's obsessed with me. [groans] I can't even believe she's here!
Devin: Hey, it's cool. We all got a past. [chuckles] Honestly, I would not have pegged her as your type. But I did date an Eagle Scout who once wore all 40 badges on a date, so, yeah, no need to be embarrassed about it.
Axl: Uh, I'm not embarrassed about dating her, 'cause I never dated her! Shush! Stop talking. She could be listening.

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