Brick: Everybody stop yelling. [whispers] Yelling. [normal voice] Oh, no. [whispers] Oh, no. [normal voice] Oh, no. [whispers] Oh, no. [normal voice] I can't stop. [whispers] I can't stop.

Frankie: Oh, my God. Mike. The Christmas village? I love setting up the Christmas village. All right, this is chaos. This guy with the newspaper is supposed to go in front of the bakery. You've got him lurking around the school like he's some kind of pedophile. Look, you've got the carolers on the train tracks, like that's gonna end well.
Mike: Did you want my help or not?
Frankie: Well, yes, but I can't leave the house for a second to go to work or practice without you churning out some other Christmas tradition. I just wanted you to do the crummy stuff. You know, go to the grocery, stand in line at the post office for the Christmas stamps. I don't want you hogging up all the fun stuff.
Mike: How am I supposed to know what you think is fun?
Frankie: Well, you know how there's songs about decorating a tree or building a snowman? That's how you know. If it's in a song, don't do it.
Mike: So, no chestnuts roasting on an open fire.
Frankie: No.
Mike: No dashing through the snow.
Frankie: No, that's all out.

Frankie: Honey, what's wrong?
Sue: I went to Brad's early to give him his Christmas present. And I found him out back behind the shed with another boy.
Mike: Uh... Hey, Brick, why don't you go to your room? Go. Go.
Sue: And they were out in the bushes, and they were taking turns...
Frankie: Honey, I am so sorry. We should've said something.
Sue: And they were... And they were... Smoking.
Frankie & Mike: Oh.
Sue: Wait, you knew? You knew he was a smoker?
Mike: We had our suspicions.
Frankie: I'll bet that's why he didn't kiss you. He didn't want you to notice his smoker's breath.
Sue: Oh, yeah. Well, there's no way I'm gonna date him now. And I really, really liked him too.
Frankie: Oh, come here, baby.
Sue: Maybe I can get him to quit?
Frankie: I wouldn't count on it, honey.

Mike: Hey buddy, we need to talk. [pulls Brick out from under the Christmas tree] What's going on? Mom and I are worried about you.
Brick: I'm just a little melancholy. [whispers] Melancholy.
Mike: When did all this start?
Brick: [normal voice] You know that Santa PEZ dispenser I got two years ago where the candy comes out of his beard? I just started thinking about how I had it and then one day it was just... gone. And then I started thinking that someday you'll be gone... And I'll be gone, and we'll all be gone.
Mike: Well, sure. Everybody worries about death. It's terrifying. But you know what we do? We shove it out of our minds. That's why we have books and candy and water parks and TV. It's all just a big old distraction from death. So all better?
Brick: Okay. [whispers] Okay.
Frankie: [v.o.] And then because he thought he was on a roll, Mike got greedy.
Mike: Oh, and you know, if you keep on whispering to yourself... Santa's not gonna bring you any presents.

Mike: Brick. You make your list for Santa?
Brick: What I really want this year is some answers. What's the true meaning of Christmas? Are we here for a reason? What is the purpose of life?
Mike: How about a bike?

Frankie: [sighs] Who am I kidding? There's no way I can try out for that solo.
Mike: Why not?
Frankie: Because a solo involves a lot of extra practices and I can't take that on now. It's Christmas, the most stressful holiday of the year.
Mike: I can do it.
Frankie: Do what?
Mike: Handle Christmas.
Frankie: Oh, right. You can handle Christmas? [chuckles] You can't handle Christmas.
Mike: All you gotta do is get organized. Your problem is you're not organized. You don't even make lists.
Frankie: Right, that's my problem. I'm not organized. I happen to have a pocketful of Post-its that says otherwise. Trust me, Mike, you have no idea what Christmas involves. There is shopping, wrapping, baking, taking the aunts to the assisted-living Christmas dance.
Mike: Sounds like a piece of cake. I'm on a holiday schedule till New Year's. Bring it on. What was the first thing? Shopping?

Mike: Hey, Axl, I'm going to the mall. Did you do your Christmas list?
Axl: Cash, a cell phone, and to be left alone.

Frankie: [v.o.] Dear friends and family, Merry Christmas. 2009 has been a busy and exciting year for the Hecks. Last summer, I lost my job in the dental office. But was lucky enough to land a new, thrilling job selling cars. And thanks to his years of hard work, Mike got a promotion at the quarry and is now manager.
Mike's Boss: Carl blew his arm off, can't type. Congratulations, you're the new manager.
Frankie: [v.o.] Even Axl, who's now 15, has recently joined the work force. And we're having so much fun watching him take on this new responsibility.
Frankie: [clinks glass] Excuse me, sir. I believe I'm done with this plate.
Frankie: [v.o.] And Sue, 13, is busy with... [tapping key] Sue made... [tapping key] Sue tried out for... [tapping key] Sue has a boyfriend.
Brad: I wish I didn't have to leave, but I have to get up so early tomorrow. Show choir's performing at the Little Betty Snack-cake factory. We get to wear hairnets and everything.
Sue: Lucky. Well, good night.
[After Sue positions her and Brad under mistletoe, he gives her a pat on the back and walks out]
Frankie: [v.o.] But nothing says Christmas like the wonder and magic on our little boy Brick's face.
Brick: I just don't understand Christmas. It's like we're supposed to be happy, but how can we possibly enjoy it knowing that it's all so fleeting? [whispers] Fleeting.
Frankie: Brick, what are you talking about? You love Christmas.
Brick: [normal voice] Do I?
Frankie: [v.o.] Ah. The first tradition of the holiday season, the putting off of the Christmas letter.

Sue: Hey, Mom. Can I ask you something?
Frankie: Sure.
Sue: The thing is, Brad and I have been going out for a month now, and he still hasn't kissed me.
Mike: [whispers] I sure like that kid.
Frankie: Well, maybe he's just shy. Or, you know, a gentleman.
Sue: Yeah. Yeah, that's probably it. Did you know he owns his own top hat and tails?
Frankie: Wow. Nice.
Frankie: [v.o.] Maybe we should have told Sue the truth about Brad. But it was hard to do when Brad didn't even know the truth yet.

Reverend Hayver: Welcome, friends. Before we begin, please join me in praying for a member of our congregation., Melanie Howard. May she make a quick recovery from her throat polyps.
[Frankie shakes her head at her family]
Frankie: [v.o.] People talk about the power of prayer. But there's something to be said for the power of not-prayer as well.