Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Dental Hijinks’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

The Middle: Dental Hijinks

815. Dental Hijinks

Aired February 21, 2017

When Mike reluctantly visits Dr. Goodwin for a dental check-up, he asks the dentist to leave his teeth alone and tell Frankie that everything was fine. Mike and Dr. Goodwin end up in a web of lies as they try to keep Frankie from finding out the truth. Sue tries to tell the safety cart driver Tyler that she likes him. Inspired by Hamilton, Brick develops a historic Scottish rap music based on the life of Sergeant Charles Stuart MacKenzie. Meanwhile, Axl, Hutch and Kenny decide to sell the Winnebago as their time at college comes to an end.

Quote from Brick

Brick: Anyway, you've heard of the musical Hamilton?
Mike: No.
Frankie: Yes.
Brick: Well, the school is voting on what the spring play should be this year, and I was thinking, with the recent popularity of Hamilton, that I would write and submit my own. Because if we're celebrating unsung heroes, I believe there's someone we're all forgetting. Sergeant Charles Stuart MacKenzie! It's got everything... World War I, bagpipes, Scottish rap.
Mike: I can't leave work today to pick him up when the nurse calls.
Frankie: Well, I can't, either. Dr. Goodwin's getting me to take me to some seminar. Well, hopefully it'll happen on the bus and the driver will just carry him to the stoop.
Brick: They all laughed at Lin-Manuel Miranda.
Frankie: That's true.
Mike: Who's she?

Rate

Quote from Brick

Brick: [Scottish accent] ♪ They stabbed him in the shoulder ♪ ♪ Only made him bolder, got him in the gut ♪ ♪ Say what-what? ♪ Bagpipe beatbox! [imitates bagpipes]
Mike: How many more hours till I can take another pain pill?
Frankie: You just took one.
Mike: Damn.
Brick: ♪ And then his maw said with dread ♪ ♪ "My poor bonny Charlie's dead" ♪ ♪ MacKenzie's life was done ♪ ♪ So done ♪ ♪ But he had taken out a Hun ♪ ♪ A Hun ♪ ♪ Or two or three ♪ ♪ Maybe shot one in the knee ♪

Quote from Dr. Goodwin

Dr. Goodwin: I'm surprised you didn't want to come in on a day Frankie was working. She is such a hoot. Sometimes she pretends to nod off while working and slumps right over onto her patient. [chuckles]
Mike: So, here's how this is gonna work. You're gonna tell Frankie you checked out my tooth, it's fine, and that's gonna be the end of it.
Dr. Goodwin: Oh. Oh, I don't know, Mike. That would be a lie. I don't like to lie. What would I tell Frankie?
Mike: Well, if it makes you feel better, we can go grab a beer and that way when she says, "How'd it go?" you can say you spent an hour with me and I was happy, and that would all be true.
Dr. Goodwin: Okay, I guess I'm in.
Mike: All right.
Dr. Goodwin: [laughs] Uh! This feels so wrong! We're like Thelma and Louise.
Mike: [laughs] No, we're not.

Quote from Brick

Brick: Can I run a few things by you, Dad? You know a lot about musicals.
Mike: No, I don't.
Brick: Ane, twa, three. [Scottish accent] ♪ They called him Sergeant MacKenzie ♪ ♪ He was fine, like a good wine ♪ ♪ He'll come looking to skelp your wee behind ♪ ♪ So make a note, pack up your goat ♪ [normal voice] Wait a minute. As I hear "goat," I'm not loving it. I'm gonna work on that.
Mike: Good idea. Don't rush it. It's art.

Quote from Axl

Frankie: [v.o.] In New York, they have soirees. In L.A., they have galas. But at East Indiana State, you haven't lived till you've been to the annual Axl, Hutch, and Kenny 'Bago Bash... beverages and food not included.
Axl: [chuckles] All right! We did it, man. Senior year rules.
Hutch: We're going out on top. Whoa! Whatcha got in the bag? Pita chips and no hummus. The flier specified "All chips to be accompanied by their respective dips." Well, let's send it through the skylight and see what the people have to say. [cheering] You got lucky. The people are drunk. [laughs] All right. Come on. Come on in.
Hutch: Wow. We're legends on this campus, and we owe it all to the 'Bago.
Axl: She's been good to us.
Hutch: Yes, she has. Wait. What are we gonna do with it when we graduate? I mean, I can't take it with me, 'cause I'm gonna be in grad school.
Axl: Well, I can't take it. I got a business degree from East Indiana State. I'm gonna be, like... a C.E.O. of a business, doing business stuff, you know? Carrying a briefcase down hallways, asking people about their weekends.
Hutch: Okay. What if we give it to a needy freshman, let the legend continue?
Axl: Or... we could sell it to a needy freshman and let the legend continue.
Hutch: Oh, you are a business man.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: Oh, hey! Is it Crazy Hat Day? That's one of my favorites.
Brick: No, it is not.
Frankie: Okay, I'm just gonna say it. You can't be the beret kid. I don't care how many bullying seminars they have. A beret is just a big, fat target on your back.
Brick: It isn't a beret. It's a "tam."
Mike: Yeah, well, be prepared to fish your tam out of the toilet.

Quote from Brick

Dr. Goodwin: Well, hey, there, Brick. Nice tam.
Brick: Thank you for saying so.
Dr. Goodwin: Now you have a great day and be fierce.
Brick: I will. See, that's supportive parenting right there.

Quote from Dr. Goodwin

Dr. Goodwin: Hey! Who is ready for an eight-hour lecture on polymers? I'll give you hint... It's me!
Frankie: Yeah. Can't wait.
Dr. Goodwin: Uh, so, Mike, uh, how's things at the quarry? A little rocky? [laughs] Kidding. Uh, anyhoo, do you guys have seminars, too? [leans in close and looks at Mike's face]
Mike: No. Not really. The job's pretty much the job.
Dr. Goodwin: Mm-hmm. Well, uh, what do you have then? And feel free to go into detail. [leans in closer]
Mike: Drive safe. [walks off]
Frankie: You were looking on the wrong side. I told you, the pain is on his left side.
Dr. Goodwin: Frankie, this is cuckoo. [sighs] I need my chair and my light and my spit sucker.
Frankie: His tooth is killing him, but I haven't been able to get him to a dentist in years, so I am sorry, but if you want to diagnose him, you got to do it here. Now get in there.

Quote from Dr. Goodwin

Dr. Goodwin: Oh. I see you're drinking coffee. I sure like coffee. Uh, how do you take your coffee? Do you take it [opens mouth widely] bla-a-ck or with cre-e-e-am?
Mike: Black.
Dr. Goodwin: Cool. Ooh! Hey, can I show you my new phone? It's got all sorts of neat stuff on here. It can tell you how many steps you've stepped. It can tell you the temperature in Charlotte. It's even got a camera on it. [camera shutter clicks] Smile! [camera shutter clicking]
Mike: Frankie! [Frankie walks in] Really?
Frankie: Well, I'm sorry, but you've been in pain for months, and you won't go see anybody. You won't go see the dentist. You won't see the doctor.
Mike: And I haven't died yet.
Dr. Goodwin: [sighs] You don't have to feel embarrassed, you know? A lot of people are hinky about the dentist.
Mike: Well, thank you for that, but I'm not hinky about anything. I just don't like the idea of someone poking around where they got no business being.

Quote from Sue

Sue: Lexie, we're gonna need more milk.
Aurora: "Milk" has been added to your shopping list.
Sue: Okay, I'm sorry. I just cannot get used to that.
Lexie: You got used to the 36 jets in the tub. You can do this.
Sue: [sighs] I'll tell you another thing I can get used to... [singsong] a possible boyfriend!
Lexie: [gasps] Is it the super-hot guy that drives the Jeep?
Sue: [normal voice] No, it's the attainable guy who drives a golf cart.
Lexie: Who?
Sue: You know, Tyler, the safety-cart guy who takes injured people around during the day and drunk people home at night? He kind of looks like Woody from Toy Story.
Lexie: [gasps] Oh! Well, Woody's definitely the hottest one in Toy Story.
Sue: I know, right? Anyway, he seems super sweet and nice, but I'm not sure if he's interested in me. Every time it seems like something's maybe about to happen, we get to where we're going, and I have to get out.
Lexie: Next time, tell him you have to go to the Pharmacy Building. That's, like, practically off campus.
Sue: Oh. Good idea. [grunts] I hope he likes me. I need a man!
Aurora: "Man" has been added to your shopping list.
Lexie: Oh, she's good.

Page 2 
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode