Brick: I can't believe you did this. I could have been a professional basketball man. You're always on me 'cause my nose is buried in a book, but turns out, it's all your fault. All because you didn't want your son to play with his toys. Sad.
Frankie: Look, you played with plenty of toys. Those were just the loud, annoying, obnoxious ones I couldn't stand to hear anymore after the first 500 beep-beeps, ding-dings, and woo-woo-woos.
Brick: Well, seeing how these were ripped from me at such a young age, I'm now going to make up for a lot of lost time. Come on, old friends. [toy siren wails]
Automated Voice: Konnichiwa.
Mike: Ah, crap, he found the noisy toys.

Mike: Well... [sighs] I'm heading off to my other job.
Frankie: And I will be here working at my other job. You know, I am proud of us, Mike. We're getting out in front of it. We're embracing the possible, and good things are gonna come of it.
Mike: Yep, we've finally achieved our dream of working around the clock.

Brick: Hello, Mother. Look what I found in the basement. Remember this? [toy siren wails] [Frankie chuckles nervously] You said these disappeared.
Frankie: Well, they did...
Frankie: [v.o.] With a little help from me.
[flashback to Frankie taking young Brick's guitar away from him as he slept]
[flashback to young Brick playing with his speaking caterpillar:]
Automated Voice: "A." "A." "A."
[as young Brick turns to take a sip of his juice box, Frankie grabs the toy]
[flashback to Brick playing with a basketball toy:]
Automated Voice: Nothing but net. Nothing but net.
Frankie: Hey, you know what's fun? Reading.

Frankie: Oh, damn it. Where are all the spoons?! Ugh. [sighs] Sorry, Brick. This will have to do. Hey, if you get a chance, bring some spoons home from the cafeteria. It's not stealing 'cause we pay taxes.

Mike: Okay, I looked everywhere, and I can't find any towels.
Frankie: Okay, this is driving me crazy. I mean, this morning when I got out of the shower, I had to dry off with a bath mat. Nothing is where it's supposed to be. Is this dementia? Is it finally here?
Mike: Where the hell's everything going?
Axl: [whistles] [utensils clatter]
Frankie: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?
Axl: Unlike you, the government doesn't just give me stuff.
Mike: The government doesn't give us stuff. If it did, we'd have better stuff.
Axl: Oh! Pbht! If you people would stop thinking only about yourselves, you'd remember, Hutch and I are in our own house now. And by the way, when they say a place is unfurnished, they don't give you anything. No silverware, no furniture, no accent pillows, nothing. Ooh. Eh. I doubt we'll make soup.

Brad: Don't you see? If Savannah doesn't find her way back, her dreams of one day becoming a senator/jewelry designer don't come true... that's reality, Sue.
Sue: You know what, Brad? I didn't want to say anything, but you have been very controlling throughout this whole thing.
Brad: Well, I'm sorry, but some of the best directors have not been well-liked... Barbra Streisand. I-I can't think of any others.

Frankie: Are you serious? He took my nightstand. There were cookies in there.

Frankie: We're screwed. We are so screwed. How are we gonna afford to send her to college?!
Mike: Who told her to take the A.C.T. a second time? Was that your idea? You take your low score, a-and you live with it. That's what we did, and we turned out okay.

Frankie: Axl, you can't just come in here and start stealing our stuff.
Axl: Uh, last time I checked, there was five of us in this family, so, legally, I own 30% of everything.
Mike: It's my house, and you're not taking any of it. Put it back.
Axl: [groans] You know when you die, it's all mine anyway, right? I'm the male heir. It's just sad you won't let me have this stuff now so you can watch me enjoy it.
Sue: Guess what.
Axl: Nobody likes you?
Sue: Can't ruin my day, Axl.
Axl: Ooh, a challenge.

Frankie: You know, this is really our fault. Always encouraging her, telling her she can do anything.
Mike: We just got to be honest with her, Frankie. She's talking about all these private and out-of-state schools. She's go to know that's probably not going to happen.
Frankie: Well, we don't know.
Mike: [scoffs] Pretty sure we do.
Frankie: Well, we don't. I mean, who knows? Maybe there'll be one of those billionaires that comes into the class and offers to pay everyone's college.
Mike: Are you drunk?
Frankie: I might have had a beer.