Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Pitch Imperfect’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

The Middle: Pitch Imperfect

812. Pitch Imperfect

Aired January 17, 2017

Axl panics as he realizes he only has four months of college left and should have already been looking for a job. Meanwhile, Brad joins Sue's no-cut a cappella group now he's at East Indiania, while Brick's girlfriend, Cindy, threatens to break up with him if he doesn't spend less time reading.

Quote from Brick

Female Voice: [on audio book] "The lights grow brighter as the Earth lurches away from the sun, and now the orchestra is playing yellow"...
Brick: She's stressing the wrong words!
Cindy: I didn't hear that sentence. Go back.
Brick: [sighs] [turns phone off] I just don't get how you can "listen" to a book. There's no fonts to look at, there's no paper to touch. They've removed two of the senses, and the truth is sometimes I lick them, so that's three.

Rate

Quote from Axl

Axl: [voice breaks] I didn't get it, Mommy! Oh, God, I'm the worst! I suck! Ugh!
Frankie: Hey, hey, hey, it's okay. So you didn't get this job. You've got all those other irons in the fire.
Axl: [normal voice] I lied! There's no fire! There's no irons! I was supposed to start job hunting a year ago, and now I'm graduating in May, and I've got nothing... nothing but amazing hair. God, why can't that be enough? Dad, you need a better friend. I hate Bill Norwood.
Mike: You're taking this really well.
Axl: Oh! I got no job prospects! Wait a second... I could take over the diaper business. I have a job. It's perfect.
Frankie: Uh, did we not tell him?
Mike: Here's the thing, Axl. You haven't been around a lot. I sold the business.
Axl: What? I was supposed to be a diaper heiress.
Mike: You wouldn't be an heiress.
Axl: Well, not now. At least I'll get to keep some of the money.
Mike: We spent it on Sue.
Axl: Oh, G... [wheezes]

Quote from Mike

Brick: Cindy says I spend too much time reading.
Mike: How long you two been dating?
Brick: Three years.
Mike: Oh, yeah... You still got years of compromise ahead of you. You got to lay a lot of groundwork before you reach the point where we are, where nobody cares. Then, when you stop caring, you're in the sweet spot where you get to back to doing whatever you want to do again.
Frankie: And, sure, you'll still have spurts where you think you want to do things together, but when you do...
never as good as it was in your mind.
Brick: Wait... You're saying I have to just suck it up and do what she wants?
Mike: Now you do, if the goal is this.

Quote from Brick

Brick: I've never been more nervous in my life. If she doesn't like it, where does that leave us? I can't be with someone who doesn't love Planet Nowhere.
Mike: What are the odds of you finding another girl who likes you and Planet Nowhere? You're really threading the needle here, buddy.

Quote from Axl

Axl: Check it out. I crushed it at my interview with Mr. Norwood, so I celebrated by buying myself some work duds. [laughs] Oh, look... [pocket watch jostles] It's half past "I'm awesome." [laughs]
Mike: You bought new work clothes before you got the job?
Axl: You don't buy a suit for the job you have. You buy a suit for whatever job Mr. Norwood's company does.
Frankie: Well, don't Heck it up. The job's not yours yet.
Axl: Oh, it will be. When I go after something, I get it. Lifeguarding... "Here's your whistle." Movie theater... "Welcome to show biz." Little Betty? Meet Big Axl.

Quote from Axl

Axl: Stupid watch! Stupid vest! Nope, don't need these anymore, 'cause I'm not going anywhere.
Frankie: Honey, don't take your clothes off.
Axl: No! These clothes are for winners, and I am a loser. God! You know what? Just face it. I peaked in high school. I'm nothing but a boxer-short-wearing, messy-haired divorcé! I'll just park my 'Bago in the driveway and live out there.
Frankie: So, you really don't have anything else going on, no résumés anywhere, no leads, no job possibilities?
Axl: Oh, Dad, make her stop!
Frankie: I'm sorry. I'm making it worse. Boy problem. Let me know when it's fixed.

Quote from Mike

Mike: Come on. Get up. [Axl groans] Okay, so you hit a bump. You're gonna be fine. You always find a way to make things work out for you. You said so yourself. And you're a social guy. You got your mom's thing of actually liking people.
Axl: No, but that's the problem. I'm too social. I needed to be more like you... a solid, strong, good provider. But I-I'll never be able to do that. I'm a freakin' mess. I'm done.
Mike: [scoffs] You're 22. You're not done. Trust me, life is gonna kick you around a lot, so you might not want to tear off all your clothes and flop around on the floor every time you hit a setback. Especially this floor.
Axl: Well, that's easy for you to say. You've always been, like, super responsible.
Mike: Well, I don't know about that. I... I remember one time when I was about your age, maybe a little older. [inhales sharply] I had an interview for this job at a, uh, roofing-supply company, and I really needed this job. I was totally broke, even more broke than we are.
Axl: Whoa.
Mike: Yeah. So I went in there, all prepared, and I nailed it. And I was so pumped when I came out that I got in my Chevette, and I cranked up the tunes, and I did a bunch of donuts in the parking lot. [inhales sharply] And then I look up to the window, and there's the two guys that had just interviewed me staring down at me and shaking their heads.
Axl: So you didn't get the job.
Mike: I don't know. I never heard back. But a few weeks later, I interviewed at the quarry, and this time, I made sure to pull out of that parking lot like an old grandpa. Point is, things kind of have a way of working out.
Axl: So, was the donut thing the only time you screwed up?
Mike: It's the only one you need to know about for now.

Quote from Cindy

Cindy: I don't like this either. I'm just doing it for you, because you won't give up books.
Brick: [scoffs] What if I asked you to give up shrimp?
Cindy: Now you've made it ugly.
Brick: I'm just saying... If you love someone, you shouldn't make them do something they don't want to do. Books are my life. You can't expect me to give up something that's such a part of me.
Cindy: Fine. The truth is the audio book wasn't working for me either. I'm not really into books. I'm more into fashion.

Quote from Axl

Axl: Ah, Mom, this is awesome. You never make ribs.
Frankie: Well, we had some extra, and I thought you might like to eat something home-cooked. Well, home-reheated, actually.
Axl: Are you really gonna let me ride your motorcycle after this?
Mike: Sure. Take it for a spin.
Frankie: And if you're still looking for a chair for the 'Bago, we never use the one in Sue's anymore.
Axl: Oh. This is the best dinner ever.
Mike: So, son... How's school?
Axl: Oh, my God. This is a trap. You tricked me! You just wanted to talk to me. It's a trick. It's a talk-trick. Well, I'm just gonna finish these ribs, ride your motorcycle, grab my chair, and then I'm out of here.

Quote from Axl

Frankie: Look, Axl... We don't want to put any pressure on you, but we weren't sure if you realize you're graduating in four months, and we wanted to make sure you're thinking about what you're gonna do with your life when those four months are up.
Mike: Bill Norwood told me that his company is having interviews for an entry-level position to do...
whatever it is his company does.
Frankie: And I can help you with your résumé. I've had lots of jobs, so I know all the best action verbs to use.
Axl: Oh, my God. For your information, I'm already on it, okay? I got a résumé, I'm going to the job fair, I got a haircut scheduled, I still got that tie that Dad tied for me. So, look... I know your other kids didn't really live up to your expectations, but trust me... [clicks tongue] I got this.
Frankie: Well, that's great. I mean, I knew you were fine. Your dad was so worried.

Page 2 
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode