Reverend TimTom: Look, your little brother is a questioner. World's always been full of great questioners. Heck, if people didn't ask questions, God would be out of a job. He's in the answer business.
Sue: But I don't want Brick to question. It's very clear to me. I don't understand why he doesn't get it.
Reverend TimTom: Sue, do you like Justin Bieber?
Sue: Yes.
Reverend TimTom: Does Brick?
Sue: No.
Reverend TimTom: Does it bother you that Brick doesn't like Justin Bieber as much as you do?
Sue: Yes. I don't get that either.
Reverend TimTom: Well, the point is, JB knows that he can't force anybody to be a fan. He's aware that people make fun of him. He's in on that, but the Bieb doesn't care. He's just out there singing his song, hoping people come around.
Sue: I'm unofficial sergeant at arms of his fan club, and I am doing all I can.
Reverend TimTom: That's nice, but what I'm trying to say is that Jesus rolls like Justin. JC put the good word out there and let the people find him. You should be cool with that.
Sue: Wow. JB and JC. [gasps] That is blowing my mind.
Reverend TimTom: So maybe you should lighten up on Brick, let him find his own path. Well, I gotta be moving on. [sighs] I'm needed up in Chesterton. Couple girls up there think they're vampires. This Twilight thing has gotten out of hand. I'll see you around, Sue Heck.

Sue: Well, lately, I've been having these weird feelings inside, and I don't get it. See, all my friends have been getting their driver's licenses, but I keep failing. And when Brad told me he got his license, instead of feeling happy for him, I just wanted to punch that smile right off his face. So what do you think that means?
Reverend TimTom: Hmm. Sounds like somebody's dancin' her first dance with that old friend the green-eyed monster.
Sue: What do you mean?
Reverend TimTom: You're jealous, Sue. It's a pretty common problem. Throughout history, many have felt its sting... Cain and Abel, Ishmael and Isaac, the Jonas brothers and 1D.

Reverend TimTom: Hey, you know, uh, before you do that, would you all mind giving a listen to my new song? I'd love to get some feedback on it.
Mike: Sure.
Reverend TimTom: [plays guitar and sings] Moms are people, too She had hopes and dreams before she had you Like maybe The Virgin Mary wanted to play soccer Or travel the world on a whim But when Jesus came along, it all became about him And all the angels sang, "Moms are people, too" And how often do we say thank you? She could've been a shepherd or a fisherman Or maybe starred in a Broadway show But her family came first and she let it all go To drive you to school through the rain, sleet, and snow And use her own sleeve to wipe your runny nose

Frankie: So did you get through to him? 'Cause, you know, the clay's drying. We're sort of in a hurry.
Reverend TimTom: Hmm. Well, I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
Frankie: Wait and see? Okay, look, I took a quilt out of the oven and heated you a lasagna. No offense, but I expected some real results here.
Reverend TimTom: I know you're frustrated, Frankie, and you know why that is? Because it's hard being a parent. It's tough being mom and dad. [plays guitar and sings] It's hard being a parent You wonder why kids do the things they do Well, I said it before, and I'll say it once more Remember, Jesus was a teenager, too Mary wondered if he'd be okay But he turned out to be a super nice guy in every way He did, yeah. It's hard being a parent. It's the toughest job you'll ever do And it's the most rewarding, too Remember how they used to spit up on you? But don't worry. This'll pass, too. Yeah... [strums chord] It's hard being a parent.

[As Sue takes her sweater off, a piece of fabric gets caught in her braces]
Reverend TimTom: Do you need some help?
Sue: Oh, thanks. This happens all the time.
Reverend TimTom: Oh, hold on. Hold on. Panic is not your friend in this situation. There.
Sue: Oh, hey, thanks.
Reverend TimTom: No problem. Hey, guys. Let's everybody come on up front, and let's get these chairs out of the way. Make a peace circle.
Sue: Hey, what happened to Reverend Hayver?
Marcy: Oh, he doesn't lead the youth group. [points to Reverend TimTom:] He does.
Sue: Really?
Reverend TimTom: Okay. For all you new guys, my name is Reverend TimTom. Well, actually, my name is Reverend Timothy Thomas, but my friends - and you are my friends - call me Reverend TimTom. Let's rap about what's on your minds. [plays guitar and sings] It's tough bein' a teen When this world can be so mean No one takes you seriously You say, "Who will understand me?" When the world tells you you're nothin' Just remember that you're somethin' Yeah, it's tough bein' a teen Yeah, it's tough bein' a teen

[Reverend TimTom is playing a ukulele as Mike tries to read the newspaper]
Reverend TimTom: I hope you don't mind. I haven't picked one of these up since the Lord's luau for leprosy.
I saw it lying there and thought I'd play a little. [plays and sings] Oh, Jesus never got to have no midlife crisis No sports car, hair plugs, young blonde wiveses Never traded his robes for tight jeans one day He never quit his job to go write a screenplay Oh, Jesus never got to have no midlife crisis No tattoos, veneers, Botox around the eyeses He never showed up with his hair and beard dyed Never got the chance 'cause at only 33 He was crucified Oh, Jesus never... [Mike reaches out and stops Reverend TimTom]
Mike: Look, I-I-I appreciate the effort, and I get you had to drive over here and everything, but this is not... It's just not. Good luck with the rummage sale. [walks off]
Frankie: [sighs] Look, you were great. Just a little off tonight. I mean, Mike's tough. It was a hard one.
Reverend TimTom: I just think if I had my guitar, I could have done it. The gravity of the message... It doesn't [strums note] come across on the ukulele. Can I come back tomorrow and take another crack?
Frankie: Nope, nope, nope, nope. It's done. We had a window, and we just didn't hit it. But, uh, don't worry. I'll use you again. Have a good night.

Reverend TimTom: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! I don't know what's going on, but you two have been going at it like Cain and Abel since you got here. Okay, while the rest of us go on the Footprints in the Mud nature hike, I want the two of you to stay here and figure out how to get along. And if you happen to write a song about tolerance, that would be great. I could use it up in Clarksdale. A lot of hubbub about who can use what bathroom lately.

Reverend TimTom: [plays guitar and sings] Jesus was a teenager too Beneath the long hair, awkwardness And pimples, King of the Jews A lonely teenage savior No one could understand Awkward on the outside But inside, a wise young man Yeah, Jesus was a teenager too Mm-hm. Yes, he was. [applause] Mahalo. Hang loose, everybody.

Sue: Reverend TimTom? I was trying to raise money so the church could afford to keep you. I tried my best, but I only raised $6.12. Will this keep you here another week? At least until I get my bake sale up and running.
Reverend TimTom: Oh, honey, I'm not leaving because the church can't afford to keep me. I'm leaving because I gotta keep roving. It's who I am. I'm TimTom, the roving rev. I hear there's a lot of troubled teens in Dayton, so I gotta move on.
Sue: But I just found you and now you're leaving? You gave me hope, but now everything just seems impossible.
Reverend TimTom: You know, if you take the "im" off of "impossible," what do you get?
Sue: Im?
Reverend TimTom: No, the other half.
Sue: Possible?
Reverend TimTom: That's right, Sue Heck. Possible.
Sue: You remembered my name. You only met me twice and you remembered my name. That's why you have to stay. You get me. When you go to Dayton, what's gonna happen to me?
Reverend TimTom: I'll tell you what's gonna happen to you, Sue Heck. [plays guitar and sings] You're gonna be just fine You're gonna be all right You don't have to change a thing You're super keen and out of sight You heard it from Reverend Tim Tom Don't let people drag you down There's a power up there Can you feel it now? [birds chirp] Don't let them try to change you Don't let 'em chip away at who you are
Axl: It's a miracle. Thank you, old guitar dude.
Reverend TimTom: Don't let them try to change you Don't let 'em chip away at who you are

Reverend TimTom: Oh, I'm never too far away. I've either just been here, or I'm on my way back through. Well, Sue Heck, what do you say we get this party started? [plays guitar and sings] Plenty of ghosts on Halloween Some are nice, and some are mean I know a ghost pleasant as can be I ain't talkin' about Casper or Jacob Marley Sea to sea, coast to coast He's the absolute most, He's the holy ghost.