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‘One Kid at a Time’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

The Middle: One Kid at a Time

412. One Kid at a Time

Aired January 16, 2013

Feeling guilty that they're ever able to spend quality time with each of their children, Frankie and Mike dedicate a day each to spending with their kids. Axl takes them to a paintball range, Sue has an extensive itinerary of 17 places to visit, and Brick wants to attend a Planet Nowhere convention.

Quote from Brick

Brick: It's 10:00 AM. I didn't know whether I should wake you up. I already made myself breakfast and did my push-up. Today is my day, right?
Mike: It is, Brick. Sorry, we're just beat. It's been a long weekend.
Brick: I decided I don't wanna go to the library.
Frankie: Oh, good. Oh. I mean, we don't have to go anywhere to have a special day. We can just watch TV all day.
Brick: You always let me watch TV.
Frankie: Yes, but we'll let you watch it in bed with us.
Brick: No, I still wanna go somewhere. While I was waiting for you guys to wake up, I read in the newspaper that there's a Planet Nowhere convention in Indianapolis today.
Mike: Oh, come on, Brick, no. It's a long drive to Indianapolis.
Brick: Perfect. It'll give me plenty of time to fill you in on the series. See, what a lot of people don't know about the Planet Nowhere series is that it's an allegory. Now, all the tribes...

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Quote from Brick

Brick: And so, ironically, for the Vernegos to ultimately triumph over the Silligans, they must first abandon their planet entirely and wander the galaxy for - you guessed it - 11 centuries.

Quote from Axl

Frankie: [v.o.] Since the dawn of time, trying to get anywhere with your kids has been a challenge.
Axl: Oh, my God. Why are you so late? I've been standing out there forever. Look. I got a snotsicle.
Mike: Put your coat on, you moron.
Frankie: Ugh. Brick couldn't find his book. And you can't go to dinner like that.
Axl: I'm gonna change. Relax.
Mike: Don't tell your mom to relax.
Frankie: Brick wants to go to Don's Oriental Food.
Axl: Ugh! No way. No foreign food. I want spaghetti.

Quote from Sue

Mike: Okay, where am I going?
Axl: Spaghetti!
Sue: Rib Time America.
Brick: The library.
Axl: You should not even be allowed to pick a restaurant. You are a terrible restaurant picker.
Sue: I am not!
Frankie, Mike, Axl & Brick: Colonial Diner.
Sue: That was one time!

Quote from Frankie

Mike: Well, that was fun. We should do that again.
Frankie: Ugh. All that fighting. It's just impossible to do anything with these people. Wouldn't it be so much easier if we only had one kid, hmm?
Mike: Or none.
Frankie: No, seriously. Think about it how great would that be? It- It would be like The Courtship of Eddie's Father. Remember that show? They would just take these long walks down the beach, just the two of them, and talk and connect. What are we doing? We're referees, sheepherding referees.
Mike: We should get whistles.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: I mean, imagine if it was just Axl today. We would have gotten there early, seen a little of his practice.
Mike: I've been wanting to watch practice.
Frankie: Yeah. And we would have had the time.
Mike: Could have talked strategy over spaghetti, gone over some plays.
Frankie: Right? And if it was just Sue, we would have seen her display case, taken her out for ribs, caught up on her life.
Mike: I like ribs. Brick could have gone to the library and Don's Oriental Food. He gets really chatty when he eats Chinese. I think it's the MSG.
Frankie: And what's with Axl and that rib place, huh? He was just being a jerk. He totally likes the fries there.
Mike: So we're agreed... we'll give two back. Which one you wanna keep? Look, it is what it is. We'll never get 'em one on one.
Frankie: Wait. Why can't we?

Quote from Sue

Sue: Really? A whole day?
Frankie: It's your day. We can spend it in whatever way you choose.
Sue: Oh, my God. One day is not gonna be enough.
Axl: You can have my day.
Mike: No one's taking anybody's day.
Sue: Okay, let's see. I want an outside activity. I want an inside activity. I want an activity we've never done together. I want an activity that involves jumping. I want a mystery activity. I want some reflection time. Are you sure I can't dip into just a little bit of Axl's day?

Quote from Brick

Brick: I wanna go to the library. I'm gonna show you the microfiche, and I wanna go through the periodicals without rushing.

Quote from Mike

Mike: Hey. There you are. Have you seen Axl? We had a whole plan worked out to ambush the green team, and I've been circling the perimeter for 20 minutes. I can't find him anywhere.
Frankie: All this strategy is boring. I thought we would have time to sit and talk with Axl about his hopes and dreams. And instead I've just been running around being target practice.
Mike: Hey, our teenage son is having a good time with us, his parents. You know how rare that is? That's like finding oil in your backyard.

Quote from Sue

Sue: Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up! It's my day. It's my special day! Whoo-hoo!
Mike: It's still dark outside. What time is it?
Sue: It's 4:45. We just have so much to do that if we don't get started now, we're never gonna fit it all in.
Frankie: Come back in a couple of hours.
Sue: I can't. "Watch the sun rise" is on my list. See?

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