415. Valentine's Day IV
Aired February 13, 2013
As Valentine's Day approaches, Axl, Sean and Darrin launch a Boss Co. break-up service to help guys ditch their girlfriends. Brick is upset that Frankie threw away all the art he's made over th years. Sue is excited when ex-boyfriend Matt invites her to the school dance. Meanwhile, Mike accidentally sends a text meant for Frankie to one of his colleagues at the quarry.
Quote from Darrin
Sean: This is it? I thought you said Boss Co. would be in the black by now.
Darrin: Is black the good one or the bad one?
Axl: Look, we really ate it, trying to get that possum out of the garage. Between Darrin's stitches and the rabies shots, we got hosed.
Darrin: I can still see those pink eyes coming at me.
Axl: That's it, dudes. We're broke. And we can't lay anybody off, 'cause we're all bosses.
Darrin: How can we be so powerful and powerless at the same time?
Quote from Axl
Axl: Look, Sean, it's just a business, all right? These girls are gonna get broken up with anyway. If we didn't do it, somebody else would've. This way, we build a successful company, sell it to the Chinese, buy some recording time, cut a hit album, rock the planet, then start a men's fragrance line.
Sean: Yeah, but at what cost?
Darrin: I agree with Sean. All this money is covered in tears.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: [v.o.] Dear Brick, I wanted to take a minute, on this day devoted to love, to let you know that even though I may not be able to find any of your art projects, you are always in my heart. I'm sorry I'm the kind of mom who's tired all the time, and I know I'm not the most organized person in the world. Maybe I'm lazy. I don't know. But here's the thing. This is the mom you got. I'm not perfect. I'm flawed... pretty darn flawed. But I hope you'll read this and always remember that on Valentine's Day 2013, your mom wanted you to know how much she loves you. Happy Valentine's Day, sweetie. All my love forever. Mom.
[Brick smiles and tosses the card in the trash]
Quote from Sue
Sue: Hey, Dad, I know you're probably wondering what I'm doing for Valentine's Day. I don't exactly have a date, and that could really bum me out, 'cause last year was so great 'cause I had Matt and everything.
Mike: Your mom's in the kitchen.
Sue: She told me you guys were in here. Anyway, the school is having a dance, and I signed up to be on the cleanup committee. I may not be in love, but I can still clean up for people in love.
Axl: Oh, my God. Nobody goes to that lame dance.
Sue: You're just mad because your girlfriend is out of town.
Axl: She's at a wedding... something you'll never be in. I suggest buying a wacky hat and starting your cat collection now.
Sue: That's not even an insult. I love cats.
Quote from Brick
Brick: Mother? Why is this in the trash?
Frankie: Oh! Thank God you found it! I have been looking everywhere for that.
Brick: Uh-huh. You are a lousy liar.
Frankie: [sighs] Okay. Here's the thing. You guys bring home a lot of stuff, and that's great, but I can't keep everything, and truthfully, this is not your best work.
Brick: And yet you keep this picture Axl drew of two butts orbing in the earth.
Frankie: [sighs] Are the butrronauts still up there? Look, Brick, I didn't throw everything of yours away. I saved the important stuff.
Brick: Oh. Where is it?
Frankie: Put away in boxes.
Brick: Can I see it? The years have gone by so fast, I'd like to reminisce. [whispers] Reminisce.
Frankie: That's fine. But you know, all the current magazines are saying we should live in the present, so...
Brick: Find it.
Quote from Axl
Axl: So you are... Amanda, right?
Sean: And you date Connor?
Axl: Now this may seem abrupt... but now that you're both seniors and going to college, he feels it's a natural time to start seeing other people.
Sean: He's very much enjoyed your time together, but I'm afraid that time has... come to an end.
Axl: And he would've been here himself, but he thought this was for the best.
Amanda: I can't believe he's doing this. What a jerk!
Darrin: Don't despair. You're a beautiful young lady with lots of love ahead of you. Any guy would be lucky to have you. Just not Connor. [hands her a single white rose]
Quote from Darrin
Sean: We're sorry, Miss Poltorak, but Mr. Whiteman thinks you guys are looking for different things.
Darrin: You're too good for him anyway.
Miss Poltorak: Really?
Darrin: Definitely. Now could you go online and take a brief survey saying you were broken up with in a kind and courteous manner?
Axl: Oh, and if you could take a moment to "like" us on Facebook, that would also be great.
Quote from Axl
Axl: Uh... what were the buttronauts doing in the trash? Do you not understand what the buttronauts represent? They represent butts in space. Show a little respect.
Quote from Brick
Frankie: So, Brick, listen, I've looked all over, but I can't seem to find your stuff, so I'm just gonna be honest with you. I think your dad threw it out. [off Brick's look] Okay, look, I'm sorry. I really am. I don't know. Maybe it's 'cause you're the third kid, or our house isn't big enough, or I'm just a sucky parent, but I don't have your stuff.
Brick: You don't have Axl or Sue's stuff either?
Frankie: We're talking about you now. But the point is, stuff doesn't matter. What's important is the feeling I had when you gave it to me. I'll never lose that.
Brick: I see. So it's all gone. Nothing of mine made an impression. Interesting. Because I distinctly remember a ceramic sponge caddy that said "I hate housework." I'm sorry. Do you like housework? Because I think that would be something you would keep.
Quote from Mike
Mike: Hey, hey. The text wasn't even meant for Jim. Okay? It was supposed to go to my wife for Valentine's Day.
Chuck: Wait a minute. That's what you texted your wife for V-day? [chuckles] She's your lady. You gotta tell her you love her, man.
Dave: I'm with Chuck. It sounds like you have intimacy issues.
Jim: You do throw up walls, Mike. You should talk to somebody. Our insurance covers half.
Mike: Hey, nobody's throwing up any walls. And for your information, I didn't just send a text. I also took the Christmas tree down to the curb without being asked.
Chuck: Hey, don't be afraid, man. Tonight, when you're on your futon with your lady, you just lay...
Mike: No, no! That's it. Everybody back to work. Let's go. Thanks for your interest.